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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated with her?

70 replies

WhenTheNightFalls · 06/02/2023 19:12

Ex work colleague was meant to have met me for a cup of tea today in her lunch break. Said she would text me beforehand just to make sure all OK. However, her lunch ended up being a lot earlier than I thought and so I was still asleep. She had tried texting me but did not call. I asked her why she did not call and she said she didn't want to disturb me so had just posted the birthday card she had for me through the door.
Meeting up will be much harder now as I start a new role soon. Aibu to be frustrated?

OP posts:
Newusernameaug · 06/02/2023 22:23

WhenTheNightFalls · 06/02/2023 21:58

It was just frustrating to me that she didn't call as that would have woken me. Just surprised she didn't do that. Not convinced about the call function not working but I guess she has her reasons for that.
Guess it's the case we won't be able to stay in touch which is a shame but it's really hard to do so with ex work colleagues and busy lives.

Your comments are really strange, why won’t you be able to stay in touch? And how do you know her call function is broken? You must have questioned her which is very odd! Also how about showing some gratitude to your friend for making an effort for you! Do you usually behave like this with friends?

Areyouactuallyserious · 06/02/2023 22:23

YABVU. You’ve got no right to be frustrated at her for not calling you when she came to your house, texted you and left a card. It’s not her fault you were asleep and didn’t see the text and it’s not her job to wake you up with a call. If you were this bothered about meeting her then set an alarm, you were cutting it fine to meet her even without her coming early. And now saying you won’t be keep in touch because of this one missed contact? You don’t sound like your appreciate her at all so maybe that’s for the best.

SafeAsAHero · 06/02/2023 22:24

Well no, you won’t be able to stay in touch with her if you tell her you’ll meet for lunch yet less than an hour before lunchtime you’re still in bed asleep Confused

Bard6817 · 06/02/2023 22:27

Asleep at 11.15 when you are supposed to be meeting at noon, there’s a text evidence trail of her attempting to contact you to let you know.

And YOU are upset at her?

Yes you are being unbelievably, incredibly juvenile and unreasonable.

So unbelievable, that i don’t believe it. Even my adorable but horrendously entitled teenager isn’t this bad.

VanGoghsDog · 06/02/2023 22:28

You told her to text you and you're annoyed she didn't call? Odd.

BakedTattie · 06/02/2023 22:29

WhenTheNightFalls · 06/02/2023 21:58

It was just frustrating to me that she didn't call as that would have woken me. Just surprised she didn't do that. Not convinced about the call function not working but I guess she has her reasons for that.
Guess it's the case we won't be able to stay in touch which is a shame but it's really hard to do so with ex work colleagues and busy lives.

Yes. Because of you, it’s your fault.

you asked her to text and she did. its not all about you and what you want.

afinishedkiss · 06/02/2023 22:29

You are being absolutely ridiculous.

TomatoSandwiches · 06/02/2023 22:30

She sounds like a good friend... you however sound completely self absorbed, it wasn't your friends job to read your mind and wake you up with a phone call, YABVU.

BreviloquentBastard · 06/02/2023 22:32

Are you 15?

Original poster
WhenTheNightFalls · 06/02/2023 22:35

I did ask her 'why did you not phone me?'
Only because she would have seen my car in the drive and was already at the house. I wouldn't say that's questioning her, I just didn't understand it. Did extend the offer of her to come round but she has as I said, not responded.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 06/02/2023 22:36

YABU.

You’re an adult presumably? It’s not her responsibility to wake you up like she’s your mum making sure you get to school. She sounds a good friend. Your reaction is decidedly odd. But maybe you’re having a hard time right now and not thinking straight.

Let your reaction pass, and then text her and thank her for her card. Maybe make a new plan to meet.

Whatever is difficult in your life is not her fault.

watsthecraic · 06/02/2023 22:37

Couldn't you have set an alarm?

Hesma · 06/02/2023 22:41

If I were her I’d be cross with you! Still asleep FFS! Would you even have been ready at midday?

BubziOwl · 06/02/2023 22:42

This is very odd, surely you can't be for real? She's the one that should be annoyed at you!!

Mercedes45 · 06/02/2023 22:43

go back to sleep

Original poster
WhenTheNightFalls · 06/02/2023 22:45

I had just drifted back off to sleep. As I said, I am exhausted.
If she had rung me, I would have woken up and been ready in minutes. I appreciate she didn't have the time for that, it's just frustrating as I was there and so was she but we still didn't meet or get to speak to one another.

OP posts:
supersonicginandtonic · 06/02/2023 22:47

Most people who work are exhausted, especially the ones with children. Still being in bed at 11:15 is not normal. The only time most people do that is when they are poorly. Certainly not when they're meeting friends.

tulippa · 06/02/2023 22:57

Guess it's the case we won't be able to stay in touch which is a shame Why?? She gave up her lunch break to drop a card round to you even though you didn't respond to her text. Not everyone would have done that.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 06/02/2023 23:01

I'm curious what time did you end up waking up?

At 11.15 she probably thought something had come up and you could not make it. I know I would never assume my friend, who I was supposed to be meeting at lunch time, would still be sleeping at 11.15. You are being ridiculous

DuplicateUserName · 06/02/2023 23:04

WhenTheNightFalls · 06/02/2023 22:45

I had just drifted back off to sleep. As I said, I am exhausted.
If she had rung me, I would have woken up and been ready in minutes. I appreciate she didn't have the time for that, it's just frustrating as I was there and so was she but we still didn't meet or get to speak to one another.

Christ, if you're frustrated, imagine how she feels?

Were you working a nightshift OP? That's the only thing that wouldn't make you come across as rude here.

Crimblecrumble1990 · 06/02/2023 23:16

I think the clue is in your OP…

’Said she would text me beforehand just to make sure all OK.’

thats exactly what she did so presumably when you didn’t reply she thought it was no longer ok to meet.

i feel bad for your friend to be honest. You let her down and now seem to be calling off all hope of continuing the friendship?

Nosecan · 06/02/2023 23:18

Are you ok op? Your friend really hasn’t done anything wrong. Are you depressed or maybe find social interactions difficult?

Sleeping that late is unusual, unless you worked a night shift or are unwell. I’m not sure how you’re coming to the conclusion that your friendship is over. Your friend did a lovely thing bringing you that card.

mightymam · 06/02/2023 23:19

Gazelda · 06/02/2023 21:33

She texted you. She hand delivered a birthday card. She values your friendship enough to spend her lunchtime with you. She didn't call because she didn't want to disturb you.

I can't see why on earth you should feel frustrated at her. She put herself out for you, yet you didn't even set an alarm to make sure you had enough time to wake up and get dressed before you met at 'lunchtime'. Lunchtime could very reasonably have been midday - yet you were still fast asleep only 45 mins before that time. I'd have been frustrated with you.

But she obviously cares about you and knows that you're exhausted. She sounds like a thoughtful friend.

This x10000

FiddleLeaf · 06/02/2023 23:25

Christ give her a break. She took the time and effort to deliver your card.

gemloving · 06/02/2023 23:33

If you're sleeping, she would have disturbed you though? If I thought I'd wake someone from their lay in, I would consider this disturbing them.