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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not do food for party

371 replies

ttctimeforme · 06/02/2023 18:54

If you went to an party in the evening at a venue, around 7:30pm onwards.. would you expect food to be provided?

OP posts:
Judijudi · 06/02/2023 22:56

If it’s for an 18th or 21st 99% of the food will end up in landfill

justasking111 · 06/02/2023 22:56

To be fair to @ttctimeforme I think she said she lived three hours from the venue. The logistics are daunting unless there's local help to hand.

Thinking I'd be happy to organise but local guests need to lend a hand too.

AliceOlive · 06/02/2023 22:57

ttctimeforme · 06/02/2023 18:57

I was thinking of just doing some sweet food, cakes, doughnuts etc

Would that be sufficient?

It's not about budget it's because it's a surprise party it will be very difficult to arrange food and the venue doesn't offer it

Is the surprise that there will be no food?
😁

I understand the problem but I would expect a little something.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 06/02/2023 23:01

I'd vote for pizzas, as you can get veggie, and different toppings and I think it's more fun than sandwiches and platters. I mean they are equal in my eyes (unless super fancy). Also if you have the budget, you could go upmarket with the pizzas rather than cheaper chain. I hate party food though, so not the best person to ask.

PaperFun · 06/02/2023 23:03

justasking111 · 06/02/2023 22:56

To be fair to @ttctimeforme I think she said she lived three hours from the venue. The logistics are daunting unless there's local help to hand.

Thinking I'd be happy to organise but local guests need to lend a hand too.

It was a three hour trip to Costco I thought?

MissMarplesbag · 06/02/2023 23:06

All I'll say is I'm glad you've seen sense & will supply some refreshments now. Anybody who 'hosted' a dry & no food party in my community, would be black listed for life! People would complain for a long time and your name would be dragged through the mud. 😉😂

How did you even think what you were originally suggesting would be classed as a party? That's just a gathering of people in a room similar to herding cattle in a field. I have noticed that people have lost their hospitality skills since covid as we're not used to it anymore. Basic etiquette has been lost.

Sunriseinwonderland · 06/02/2023 23:09

You really do have to do something, even a drinks party needs some snacks to help soak it up. Nuts, crisps, ready made oven nibbles, cheese and biscuits.
There is nothing more depressing than going to a party with zero food to eat and just alcohol.
It doesn't have to be a full buffet.
I have a friend I go and see only occasionally who likes to talk for hours and doesn't so much as offer you a glass of water. It's a similar thing.

caringcarer · 06/02/2023 23:31

I have just seen not just no food but no drinks either. Pretty miserable party with no food and no drinks. Why would anyone want to go?

Original poster
ttctimeforme · 07/02/2023 07:14

caringcarer · 06/02/2023 23:31

I have just seen not just no food but no drinks either. Pretty miserable party with no food and no drinks. Why would anyone want to go?

Is that the only thing you enjoy in a party then? Having your food and drink paid for??

Not seeing your friends and family? 😅

Think a lot of people on this thread need to remember what's actually important in life.

OP posts:
PutstheAinAudiAhole · 07/02/2023 07:19

OP has never said there’s no drinks? Do people expect to go to a party with free drinks and free dinner? Other than work events I’ve never been to a party with free drinks all night lol

liveforsummer · 07/02/2023 07:23

Cakes and doughnuts don't really go well with wine and beer. You probably need to call in a few favours here to get someone to deliver the food for you. Maybe bits from Morrisons deli if you have no way to make anything. They do good selections of savouries. Assume this is an organised party rather than a meet at the pub arrangement

Quitelikeacatslife · 07/02/2023 07:36

I did party recently with really lovely local pizzas delivered, line up the boxes at the back then did 4/5 gorgeous salads infront in big bowls , people then took couple of slices of pizza and salads, looks classier and use less pizza .

MacDoodleofredbrookcounty · 07/02/2023 07:36

ttctimeforme · 07/02/2023 07:14

Is that the only thing you enjoy in a party then? Having your food and drink paid for??

Not seeing your friends and family? 😅

Think a lot of people on this thread need to remember what's actually important in life.

Show quote history

having your food and drinks paid for

Are you on a wind up OP?

Provided food and drinks are part of a party.

You sound joyless and lacking in social grace, or maybe you just begrudge giving.

🙄Have an eye roll back!

faffadoodledo · 07/02/2023 07:43

I would definitely expect food. All the parties I went to over Xmas had food. All the parties I've ever hosted we've done food. Whatever time of year.
Doesn't have to be fancy. I suggest a big cheese board and some nice bread. Crisps and olives nibbles. Maybe some fancy M and S stuff. K my needs to be four or five plates (piled high) in all.
Bonus points for mini brownies or fruit cake or the like but no one will mind if you don't

edenhills · 07/02/2023 07:44

I have been to lots of parties at that time, with no food and a bar you have to pay at. Specifically for 30th, 40th and 50th birthdays. Usually in a pub function room. Seems completely normal here. Or have I missed something and we are talking about a wedding? X

Original poster
ttctimeforme · 07/02/2023 07:48

@edenhills no definitely not a wedding. Although even at a wedding I would expect to pay for my own drinks at the bar!

OP posts:
MRex · 07/02/2023 07:50

Food will definitely be expected, if you want everyone to eat first then you need to change the time to 8pm and tell them all. Check deliveroo, just eat any other delivery options from the venue, and confirm they are happy for food to come. Call your preferred delivery place and give them the details, pay in advance or place the order with whoever is delivering it on the day. Let guests know "food is coming at 8pm" or whenever. For a surprise party, ask a couple of friends and family to help support bringing in the food.

Sunriseinwonderland · 07/02/2023 07:51

Seriously donuts and cakes. No. You need to organise a proper do. This sounds miserable. It doesn't cost much to make some finger food at home.

MinnieMountain · 07/02/2023 07:52

MIL made ham rolls, cheese rolls, pub packs of scampi fries etc and tray bakes for her 70th birthday house party. Easy to do yourself and she called it a pub theme.

Original poster
ttctimeforme · 07/02/2023 07:53

@Sunriseinwonderland it wasn't about cost if you actually read the thread

I'm sure the person who's party is would catch on if I was making mass amounts of finger sandwiches at our home

OP posts:
Sunnydays0101 · 07/02/2023 07:57

It’s not a party if there are no drinks or food provided - instead wouldn’t it be more of an xxx will be in the pub at xx time, pop in and say hello if you’re free.

By calling it a party, you’re giving the expectation of something - whether it’s both food and drink or just food or a complimentary drink, etc.

Have you asked the venue if you can provide your own food ?

PaperFun · 07/02/2023 07:59

OP why not just ask people to meet at the local train station? No food or drink needed and the venue will be free. It’s just about meeting friends and family after all.

inappropriateraspberry · 07/02/2023 08:01

I don't think just sweet food is great. I, and I'm sure many others, would prefer crisps or a sandwich!
If the party started a bit later it might work, and you'd have to make it very clear to everyone that there won't be a full spread. Then it would be like dessert at the party after they've eaten at home.
Is there no way of asking for help from friends/family to set some food up for you? Could you ask everyone to bring a plate of something in lieu of gifts?

Bankofrave · 07/02/2023 08:01

PaperFun · 07/02/2023 07:59

OP why not just ask people to meet at the local train station? No food or drink needed and the venue will be free. It’s just about meeting friends and family after all.

Actually this would be wild.
Think of all those other free venues where it’s about the people and not the actual hospitality-

car parks
bus shelters
building sites

Your choice is endless OP!

Original poster
ttctimeforme · 07/02/2023 08:11

PaperFun · 07/02/2023 07:59

OP why not just ask people to meet at the local train station? No food or drink needed and the venue will be free. It’s just about meeting friends and family after all.

We don't have a train station unfortunately but great suggestion 😄

OP posts: