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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have thought this date was a pretentious plonker?

78 replies

JustOneMoreBiscuitPlease · 06/02/2023 09:37

I’m finding it very therapeutic to get views on dating encounters here, so here’s another one…

His profile gave his location as ‘Kensington & Chelsea.’ After our first date he made a big thing about getting a train off in the other direction from me.

Second date he got on my train home. Said he was going to visit some friends who lived out near me. This seemed a bit odd and unlikely somehow but whatever. He was clearly interested and wanted to keep the conversation going so I didn’t question it.

On date three he revealed that actually he lived in a flat-share in the very same dull end-of-the-line suburb I live in. Said he previously lived in ‘Kensington & Chelsea’ and hadn’t got around to updating his profile yet. (So what was all the pretence about going to visit friends last time then?). When quizzed a bit more carefully, it was quite a while back that he moved. He moved because ‘the landlady went barmy’ apparently. Not sure how this would be justification for moving right out to the sticks but anyway.

For our fourth date he suggested meeting up actually in Kensington or Chelsea.
I said I’d rather not go all the way into London after a long day at work in the opposite direction and that, since we were practically neighbours, I’d be quite happy just to meet somewhere locally. He seemed reluctant but went along with it.

Then I’m afraid I ended it. What was his obsession with Kensington and Chelsea about? What other shallow pretences was he keeping up? There was evidence of a few more. And how insulting really to lie about where he lived when he knew all along it was my own hometown. I’d have been mortified if we’d ended up a couple and he’d kept up this sort of thing, falsely bigging himself up to everyone we knew and met.

Would others have found this off-putting too? Or would you have given him a chance since there are so few truly decent men out there it seems?

OP posts:
Catastrophejane · 12/02/2023 17:17

JustOneMoreBiscuitPlease · 06/02/2023 10:36

I’m guessing you’ve never done OLD but these are just the few who even make it as far as actual dates.

It’s bloody hard work. You spend ages trawling profiles (which are mostly bloody boring and repetitive). It’s not often you come across one you’re really excited about but you try to be open-minded and contact lots of them anyway. Loads don’t respond. From what I’ve gathered, lots are just dead profiles of people no longer actively using the site or app but are kept on there anyway to keep up the illusion of choice. Of those that do respond, lots reveal red flags even at that early stage. Others fizzle out, or vanish the moment a meet-up is mentioned (presumably those ones are mostly already in relationships?). There are ones that arrange dates but then pull out. Sometimes whilst you’re en route to the venue.

So when you actually do meet someone, they seem relatively normal and are interested in taking things further, you can’t help but feel obliged to at least give it a chance. Not to mention the fact that all your friends and family in the background who mostly met their partners easily as naturally at a young age without ever having to do anything like this, are wondering what on earth is wrong with you and start telling you you’re being too picky. Plus the media harps on constantly about the biological clock.

I totally get this, OP.

Think it’s really unfair when people start talking about ‘self reflection’ because you aren’t calling out bullshit right, left and centre within a second of meeting someone!!

you don’t have ‘low self esteem’ or issues at all! You just took a bit of time to get to know someone and when you realised he was a twat- binned him.

I’ve done OLD and it is a grind. It does make you question yourself and wonder if you’re fussy because not everyone can be that weird, right?

so many men are insecure and not skilled at social interaction with the opposite sex. I despair!

Catastrophejane · 12/02/2023 17:23

DanseAvecLesLoup · 06/02/2023 11:14

What if his ex was Glen Close?

Glenn Close was misunderstood!

Fatal attraction just buys into the psycho ex narrative.

if that film had been directed by a woman, would be very different!

maybe the bunny boiling was a bit much though 😆

trixie1970 · 22/02/2023 19:57

workiskillingme · 06/02/2023 09:49

Sounds like Rodney off only fools and horses when he asked to be dropped off in a big posh estate !
What a plonker!

This is so funny 😁

Seriously though, I'd think thr same OP. He lied to you and therefore cannot be trusted.

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