To have thought this date was a pretentious plonker?

[JustOneMoreBiscuitPlease]

I’m finding it very therapeutic to get views on dating encounters here, so here’s another one…

His profile gave his location as ‘Kensington & Chelsea.’ After our first date he made a big thing about getting a train off in the other direction from me.

Second date he got on my train home. Said he was going to visit some friends who lived out near me. This seemed a bit odd and unlikely somehow but whatever. He was clearly interested and wanted to keep the conversation going so I didn’t question it.

On date three he revealed that actually he lived in a flat-share in the very same dull end-of-the-line suburb I live in. Said he previously lived in ‘Kensington & Chelsea’ and hadn’t got around to updating his profile yet. (So what was all the pretence about going to visit friends last time then?). When quizzed a bit more carefully, it was quite a while back that he moved. He moved because ‘the landlady went barmy’ apparently. Not sure how this would be justification for moving right out to the sticks but anyway.

For our fourth date he suggested meeting up actually in Kensington or Chelsea.
I said I’d rather not go all the way into London after a long day at work in the opposite direction and that, since we were practically neighbours, I’d be quite happy just to meet somewhere locally. He seemed reluctant but went along with it.

Then I’m afraid I ended it. What was his obsession with Kensington and Chelsea about? What other shallow pretences was he keeping up? There was evidence of a few more. And how insulting really to lie about where he lived when he knew all along it was my own hometown. I’d have been mortified if we’d ended up a couple and he’d kept up this sort of thing, falsely bigging himself up to everyone we knew and met.

Would others have found this off-putting too? Or would you have given him a chance since there are so few truly decent men out there it seems?

This reminds me of the time in Only Fools and Horses when Rodney gets Cassandra to drop him off at a big house on a lovely, leafy road…and not his high-rise council flat.

Kensington & Chelsea contains some of the most deprived areas in the country. The wealth inequality there is off the scale.

He's an idiot as well as a liar.

I’m guessing you’ve never done OLD but these are just the few who even make it as far as actual dates.

It’s bloody hard work. You spend ages trawling profiles (which are mostly bloody boring and repetitive). It’s not often you come across one you’re really excited about but you try to be open-minded and contact lots of them anyway. Loads don’t respond. From what I’ve gathered, lots are just dead profiles of people no longer actively using the site or app but are kept on there anyway to keep up the illusion of choice. Of those that do respond, lots reveal red flags even at that early stage. Others fizzle out, or vanish the moment a meet-up is mentioned (presumably those ones are mostly already in relationships?). There are ones that arrange dates but then pull out. Sometimes whilst you’re en route to the venue.

So when you actually do meet someone, they seem relatively normal and are interested in taking things further, you can’t help but feel obliged to at least give it a chance. Not to mention the fact that all your friends and family in the background who mostly met their partners easily as naturally at a young age without ever having to do anything like this, are wondering what on earth is wrong with you and start telling you you’re being too picky. Plus the media harps on constantly about the biological clock.

Smells like a cheating husband especially with the different names on Facebook

Nah, I’m pretty confident I’ve dated at least one man from every borough of London by now.

I’d tell him why you changed your mind so he doesn’t do it again or explains himself

I'd actually tell him to see if he explains why

we did have a poster recently say she didn't want to date anyone from two particular London boroughs.

naaahhhhhh don't tell him... then he'll just be in under-cover pretentious plonker and some poor mug will waste even more time on him.

OLD is a chore. Full of odd people. No idea why people lie as it gets caught out. The genuine people do suffer because of the lying idiots. I dated for years. Finally met my DP on bumble. I was very hard to get and took me a while to trust him as I was used to BS. Just because of the idiots I met beforeHe was understanding when I told him a few stories. DP is a rare find.

Here are highlights to make you feel better

1. lied about age, education and even fact he owned a cat. Fessed up hour into date after a few conversation inconsistencies. Especially saying he didn’t have a cat
2. Lied about having 3 kids. Said he won’t let them come between us and he can ignore them if I want.
3. lied about weight on pictures, using old ones. I am not skinny, but he was at least 10 stones more than his pictures
4. All exes crazy. He was the one who sent them crazy. He is now a very close friend and still sending girls crazy due to actions
5. lied about job, name marriage status. Found him on Facebook under who you may know under a different name and wedding pictures as profile. Was dating him at the time
6. tried to convince me he was a project manager for MoD and had to go to war zones and couldn’t use his phone. Out of contact for weeks. I really new he was a BS, but was fun listening to stories.

He’s probably had a few shags after saying he lives in Kensington and was hoping for the same from You. He sounds very insecure and a bit of a prat so I think you did the right thing.

Being exceptionally kind... he's not a teacher or something along those lines? The teachers I know will often use a middle name plus a family name (e.g. mother's maiden name) in an attempt to hide from their pupils.

I'm finding it harder to explain the location. Either he's trying to cover up who he really lives with (girlfriend? parents?), or he's embarrassed by where he actually lives (which is an issue, given he lives down the road and that would mean he's embarrassed by where you live).

Any man who calls another woman barmy, crazy, physco, mental or has mh problems etc to another woman who is essentially a stranger throws up so many reg flags its ridiculous. Its never their fault the previous woman was like that, is it.

The outright lies of where he was living makes you wonder what else he will lie about.

What if his ex was Glen Close?

I reckon the "landlady" is his mum.

People lie about things when dating because they think those things are what makes them attractive. People often have a naive one dimensional idea of what potential partners are looking for and they're playing into that. It comes from insecurity basically.

Unfortunately as OP has found out, being caught lying is a deeply unattractive quality.

Lying about having a cat? Did he pretend he had one, or cancel the cat he actually did have? Either way it is a weird thing to lie about!

He’s obviously hiding something and/or pretending to be something he’s not.

online dating is just full of weirdos.

I dated a guy once, he was army, told me he was based not far from my home. One day my car broke down right next to the army camp so I messaged him for help. Turns out he wasn’t based there at all and he was based 50+ miles away 🤔, I also think he was married.

He sounds like a petty snob. Not sure how he has lasted so many dates with you. I wouldn't invest more time in someone who couldn't be honest about something so basic.

I live in Kensington & Chelsea. Not all of it is posh - Grenfell Tower for example.

Nobody calls it that who lives here. You’d say, Notting Hill, South Ken, Ladbroke Grove, Golbourne, World’s End, Kings Road etc.

Sounds like a delusional nutcase to me. Maybe went through it on a bus once.

You're not wrong, OP, he sounds like an absolute numpty. I doubt there was anything sinister in it, but he sounds rather silly and a bit odd and frankly, no-one needs that in a boyfriend.

Brilliant 😂

And, probably accurate.

DanseAvecLesLoup · Today 11:14
Pixiedust1234 · Today 11:12
Any man who calls another woman barmy, crazy, physco, mental or has mh problems etc to another woman who is essentially a stranger throws up so many reg flags its ridiculous. Its never their fault the previous woman was like that, is it.
The outright lies of where he was living makes you wonder what else he will lie about.
What if his ex was Glen Close?

To be honest, I always thought he deserved everything he got - if he hadn't been having an affair, it wouldn't have happened, would it? He was the married one (the bunny and wife did, of course, deserve none of it).

Postcode envy. It happens. He sounds insecure.

So good!

He's probably decided you were only interested in him when you thought he lived in Kensington /Chelsea so will do it even more now