To have thought this date was a pretentious plonker?

[JustOneMoreBiscuitPlease]

I’m finding it very therapeutic to get views on dating encounters here, so here’s another one…

His profile gave his location as ‘Kensington & Chelsea.’ After our first date he made a big thing about getting a train off in the other direction from me.

Second date he got on my train home. Said he was going to visit some friends who lived out near me. This seemed a bit odd and unlikely somehow but whatever. He was clearly interested and wanted to keep the conversation going so I didn’t question it.

On date three he revealed that actually he lived in a flat-share in the very same dull end-of-the-line suburb I live in. Said he previously lived in ‘Kensington & Chelsea’ and hadn’t got around to updating his profile yet. (So what was all the pretence about going to visit friends last time then?). When quizzed a bit more carefully, it was quite a while back that he moved. He moved because ‘the landlady went barmy’ apparently. Not sure how this would be justification for moving right out to the sticks but anyway.

For our fourth date he suggested meeting up actually in Kensington or Chelsea.
I said I’d rather not go all the way into London after a long day at work in the opposite direction and that, since we were practically neighbours, I’d be quite happy just to meet somewhere locally. He seemed reluctant but went along with it.

Then I’m afraid I ended it. What was his obsession with Kensington and Chelsea about? What other shallow pretences was he keeping up? There was evidence of a few more. And how insulting really to lie about where he lived when he knew all along it was my own hometown. I’d have been mortified if we’d ended up a couple and he’d kept up this sort of thing, falsely bigging himself up to everyone we knew and met.

Would others have found this off-putting too? Or would you have given him a chance since there are so few truly decent men out there it seems?

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron turns out it was his neighbours who visits him occasionally He had a picture of it on his profile. Why lie about this! I have a cat, but don’t really care if potential date has one. In fact current DP doesn’t really like cats, but tolerates mine as we are a package.

found out as he lied about his age on his profile. He mentioned his 50th birthday on the date, but profile said 43. I questioned him and he denied it. My phone came out and showed him his own profile, he couldn’t deny it then. Asked him about other things on there. It all came out as lies to make him look favourable.

DP does sound like a "rare find" if he did all that.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I'd at least give him a chance to explain himself. As you said OP, OLD is a nightmare, so many profiles and from a bloke's perspective it can be hard to make yourself stand out (statistically more blokes on OLD then women) so I could sort of understand him hoping that adding a posh location would help him do so.

Or maybe he really likes the area and was hoping to meet someone from K&C as he's familiar with the good places to got there.

Either way, it feels to me more like an attempt to impress than a malign or sinister thing. I personally would give him a call to explain my decision and see what he said in response.

The sort of man who wears driving gloves at the the wheel of a Reliant Regal

@Amy1992Brighton noo. DP didn’t do these. He understand my need to trust what urg was saying after those dates.

hecwas shocked guys wouid do those things

I had one who thanked me for looking like my photos. Not a compliment I could return... He later said they were "a couple of years out of date" - yeah, and the rest. He was very proud of having his own hair, though. I don't actually care that much about hair, as long as it's not a toupee. It's odd what they think we'll think is important (though to be fair, I wouldn't have met the 64yo if he hadn't dropped a decade on his profile.) And why honesty should be such a novelty...

I don't know how he could keep up the pretence.

I once accidently told a date I had my cat microchipped, then I got really worried that he would discover my lie so I thought I would casually throw a funny anecdote about it to make it seem more realistic, then I got even more worried so I just never saw him again just in case he discovered my web of deceit. I couldn't handle the pressure for 2 hours, let alone weeks and multiple dates.

I reckon your guy slept on a friends couch there once, or his 'crazy landlady' was a perfectly normal ex.

I have to laugh at the microchipped cat. How did that conversation even come about, let alone build into this dread of being found out?

@LadyWithLapdog he said something about his dog having been microchipped, my mouth just opened and out came "yeah my cat is microchipped too", for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Then instead of listening to what he was saying I just thought all of the ways my lie could be discovered, then I got worried in case I looked worried and he traced it back to the last thing I said and started questioning me 🤣 so I threw in an amusing anecdote (it was true it was just when my cat was at the vet getting spayed rather than getting a microchip in).

By this point I was fighting a losing battle because, in my head, his sister probably worked at the vet and 2 years into our relationship we would meet and he would say "Oh this is the lady with the cat who did XY and Z when getting micrichipped" and she would then go look at the records and realise my cat wasn't microchipped, tell her brother, and he would be so betrayed that the amusing story It wasn't that good really that made him fall in love with me 2 years ago was all a lie and he would wonder what else I had lied about and would chuck me and break my heart, so I got in there first.

I'm not very good at dating, and I also overthink a lot 🤣🤣

@FourAndTwentyBlackbirdsBakedInAPie that is serious overthinking! Also, don’t vets follow “patient confidentiality “? Assuming your date had a sister, and the sister worked in a vets which just so happened to be your DCat’s vet too.

@LadyWithLapdog why would you say that to me? Now I have to think about whether I'm going to get her if she even exsists sacked or not too 🤣🤣

Maybe I would get on well with ops date, my cats vet might be beside his Kensington home 🤣

All the storied about OLD. I was on it a few years ago a long time ago actually . I started messaging one lady who did not have a photo and clearly stated her age, she was 5 years younger than me so it seemed fine.
We met and she had to speak to me first as I did not know who I was looking for. We had an Indian meal and staying in the rerstaurant for hours talking. Twenty one years later we still talk to each other, e have been married for 19 years and I now know she is 3 weeks older than me.

OLD worked for us.

Oh, that sounds like a good way to pass the time rather than mithering about this particular one - let's have a Daters' Guide to London!

City of London Man
City of Westminster Man
Kensington and Chelsea Man
Hammersmith and Fulham Man
Wandsworth Man
Lambeth Lad
Southwark Sir
Tower Hamlets Totty
Hackney Homme
Islington Man
Camden Man
Brent Boy
Ealing Man
Hounslow Man
Richmond Man
Kingston Man
Merton Mr
Sutton Man
Croydon Chap
Bromley Boy
Lewisham Laddie
Greenwich Guy
Bexley Man
Havering Man
Barking and Dagenham Bloke
Redbridge Man
Newham Man
Waltham Forest Man
Haringey Man
Enfield Man
Barnet Man
Harrow Man
Hillingdon Man

Shoreditch Twat?

She’s curious and asking for opinions , hardly giving huge amounts of headspace. It’s called “ discussion “

She is merely asking opinions, on what is a discussion page - no problem there surely.

I feel so sorry for people these days who have to meet up through OLD. It must be an absolute minefield. :-(

I've just helped my wife to the toilet and then back to bed.
She struggles after cancer, surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
The treatment caused heart failure.
She seems happy for me to help her, and I love her and will help her as much as I can.
She is beautiful and I tell her that often.

We met through O.L.D. about 20 years ago. O.L.D. works for some.

I've also been dating on and off the last few years...I think women are definitely less inclined to trying to boast (I feel so sorry for you with the date you mention...I can only think it's an ego thing....) but I have struggled finding that 'gem'. I'll hopefully come across you on a dating site and we can be normal together! :D

I agree with the online dating comment, from a man’s view I could tell lots of horror stories too , and have become rather disillusioned with the whole thing.

No idea why people can’t just tell the truth. Now that I’m involved with my local synagogue, thinking about ditching the online dating and just seeing what happens.

My thoughts too. Didn't want to tell you where he lives or go on dates in that area because wife or gf

You done the right thing OP. The fact he kept that up too until a few dates in. Forget that. I really empathise with you though when you say he hasn’t been as bad as the ones you’ve seen over the years. My friends are mostly single and all feel completely exhausted with online dating. I tell them to keep looking and then they explain what it is like and I am often lost for words. For example, one friend, dated a guy and he eventually they stopped dating due to little lies here and there as in your case. Later, she found HER holiday pics that she had sent him while they were dating on his social media claiming he had been on this very holiday! Her exact pics! My word. He was actually well-off financially which was more bizarre…or was he…

If it was only that he was trying to make a good first impression, I think it's a bit sad, especially as you seemed to think he was quite nice apart from the lie. But it might be more than that - maybe a girlfriend. Anyway, you probably did the right thing as, whatever the reason, it's a bit of a risk.

It is sad, I think, that people - men and women - feel the need to misrepresent themselves with over-flattering photos, exaggerating the jobs they do, etc. I don't think it's very nice to call someone horrible names for this. The sort of society we live in encourages competitiveness and greed so it's hardly surprising that considerable numbers of people kept swept up in it all.

are in

Don’t worry it could be worse.
I scrolled my photos and what’s app this week back to 2019 and when I was dating.
this is after I read about David carrick the cop rapist.
yep I chatted to him for over a month.
thank god something about him clearly didn’t go down well. He was very sexually focused and aggressive with some weird ideas but lucky escape!!

@battgirlatheart Christ! Bloody lucky escape. This was always one of my big worries with old. Who you are talking to can create a web of lies to trap you. Thank god you didn’t meet up.