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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hit the roof

83 replies

Life350 · 05/02/2023 19:53

Just checked my dd’s Snapchat and she has accused me of looking at ‘underage minors’

needless to say Snapchat is gone as it’s been a nightmare to manage and hell but I’m so upset and disgusted she would say that to me

OP posts:
Original poster
Life350 · 05/02/2023 19:54

Oh and forgot to mention she was trying to arrange to vape which I intercepted
I HATE Snapchat

OP posts:
Anon300 · 05/02/2023 20:00

How old is she?

NRCOA · 05/02/2023 20:00

How old is she?

Do you mean that you saw a message on social media accusing you of looking at pics of underage kids? Or she just threw that at you AFTER you looked at her Snapchat account?

GalaxyBlobs · 05/02/2023 20:05

I wouldn't hit the roof but I'd be explaining how serious her words are.
But yes, Snapchat would be going if vaping was being arranged.
I am assuming 13-16/17? 17-18 is a different picture.

Original poster
Life350 · 05/02/2023 20:06

NRCOA · 05/02/2023 20:00

How old is she?

Do you mean that you saw a message on social media accusing you of looking at pics of underage kids? Or she just threw that at you AFTER you looked at her Snapchat account?

After I looked at her Snapchat and caught her she said why are you looking at underage minors messagss I just can’t get over how nasty that is it’s just so horrible

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 05/02/2023 20:09

Is this your 11 year old??

FourAndTwentyBlackbirdsBakedInAPie · 05/02/2023 20:11

How I dealt with it would be very age dependent.

16+ I would be having a serious chat about words and the consequences of those words, and base any sort of punishment on the outcome of that discussion.

13-16 I would be confiscating the phone and getting a basic brick phone with no apps etc for a while, also discussing it.

Under 13 I would be having a discussion with my child, but also look into some sort of online parenting course around the Internet and apps as it would be highly inappropriate to allow an under 13 on there, but it would be my parenting boundries that would need modifying, not my child's behaviour as such, due to them being too young to handle it.

Original poster
Life350 · 05/02/2023 20:12

shes 13!

OP posts:
Zola1 · 05/02/2023 20:14

She doesn't understand the significance of what she's said and is trying to piss you off because she feels like you've been too intrusive. I'd take the Snapchat away and tell her until she can be respectful she's grounded.

EmmaDilemma5 · 05/02/2023 20:15

It's cheeky. It's not as bad as you're making out though.

I'd nip the vaping in the bud though, that's absolutely not acceptable for another 5 years (if ever!)

Original poster
Life350 · 05/02/2023 20:16

Zola1 · 05/02/2023 20:14

She doesn't understand the significance of what she's said and is trying to piss you off because she feels like you've been too intrusive. I'd take the Snapchat away and tell her until she can be respectful she's grounded.

i guess she doesn’t it just feels so horrible that she’s capable of that really out of character too

OP posts:
ShakespearesBlister · 05/02/2023 20:16

Ask her why is an underage minor on Snapchat?

Tiani4 · 05/02/2023 20:16

How old is she?
Under 13 she can't sign up for Snapchat
But I don't even let my (newly) 15 yo Dd have Snapchat still due to disgusting explicit messages she was sent aged 13. Snapchat is awful

I agreed to IG once she was well into being 14 and she already had WhatsApp but with lots of sensible talks

Your DD is being obtuse and provocative , bc as a parent you have a right to check up as you see fit (No one would want to read their messages just scan through for dodgy ones/ dodgy men) as she is under 16 & you have duty of care - I'd remove Snapchat from her phone for her response. Like you did.

I check my DDs messages randomly with her permission as I say who's that are they he in your school (school friends only or known friends) as it's our deal .. or she can have a Nokia Grin instead of a smart phone

Butchyrestingface · 05/02/2023 20:17

I agree with @Zola1, she's just throwing whatever comes to mind at you for supposedly invading her privacy, not trying to make Operation Yewtree worthy accusations.

Original poster
Life350 · 05/02/2023 20:17

EmmaDilemma5 · 05/02/2023 20:15

It's cheeky. It's not as bad as you're making out though.

I'd nip the vaping in the bud though, that's absolutely not acceptable for another 5 years (if ever!)

is it not? making a comment with such serious undertones when you have been caught ?

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 05/02/2023 20:18

She sounds too immature to be on Snapchat. I would take her phone off her until she grows up a bit.

gamerchick · 05/02/2023 20:18

It's your job to check a young person's device. She can say what she wants.

She's obviously too immature for this stuff, so it's gone.

Pseudonamed · 05/02/2023 20:19

Phone would be gone for a week here. I do not deal in smart arsed remarks at all and at that age they have many.

MILLYmo0se · 05/02/2023 20:19

Shes annoyed and lashing out with silliness because shes been caught out. Tbh id be far more worried about the vaping than the silly comment designed to provoke a reaction. Theres obviously no issue with you checking your underage (ie minor) daughter's msgs, theres a bigger issue with parents NOT checking imo, clearly it needs doing going by what you found.

Tiani4 · 05/02/2023 20:20

@Life350
I agree don't let your DD have Snapchat aged 13

Remove it. I still won't let my 15 yo DD have it
They get by with IG and WhatsApp

The fact she spoke to you like that indicates she's gif something to hide

"Looking at underage minor conversations " is only an issue to your DD when those underage minor convos are well dodgy , she has reason to hide it and they are sharing stuff they shouldn't . Sc can't be trusted as it disappears

Original poster
Life350 · 05/02/2023 20:20

Tiani4 · 05/02/2023 20:16

How old is she?
Under 13 she can't sign up for Snapchat
But I don't even let my (newly) 15 yo Dd have Snapchat still due to disgusting explicit messages she was sent aged 13. Snapchat is awful

I agreed to IG once she was well into being 14 and she already had WhatsApp but with lots of sensible talks

Your DD is being obtuse and provocative , bc as a parent you have a right to check up as you see fit (No one would want to read their messages just scan through for dodgy ones/ dodgy men) as she is under 16 & you have duty of care - I'd remove Snapchat from her phone for her response. Like you did.

I check my DDs messages randomly with her permission as I say who's that are they he in your school (school friends only or known friends) as it's our deal .. or she can have a Nokia Grin instead of a smart phone

she knows the rule is i check at random
and i get she wants privacy but she needs to be safe and i just had a funny feeling as she was given cash by someone.

i think i’ll leave at the snapchat being gone think i’m just in shock at the response it’s so out of character and she’s been really mean lately it’s been horrible but i guess this is the teen years

yeah ig said she’ll get a basic phone to walk to and from school with

im relieved there’s no more snapchat to be honest it’s a horrid app as it gets rid of messages v quickly so they can send anything worries me sick

OP posts:
Tiani4 · 05/02/2023 20:21

gamerchick · 05/02/2023 20:18

It's your job to check a young person's device. She can say what she wants.

She's obviously too immature for this stuff, so it's gone.

This ^^

Original poster
Life350 · 05/02/2023 20:21

Tiani4 · 05/02/2023 20:20

@Life350
I agree don't let your DD have Snapchat aged 13

Remove it. I still won't let my 15 yo DD have it
They get by with IG and WhatsApp

The fact she spoke to you like that indicates she's gif something to hide

"Looking at underage minor conversations " is only an issue to your DD when those underage minor convos are well dodgy , she has reason to hide it and they are sharing stuff they shouldn't . Sc can't be trusted as it disappears

exactly this! and her reaction to it being removed makes me know it’s right to remove it as she’s been in tears sobbing at the thought of not having it anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
Life350 · 05/02/2023 20:22

MILLYmo0se · 05/02/2023 20:19

Shes annoyed and lashing out with silliness because shes been caught out. Tbh id be far more worried about the vaping than the silly comment designed to provoke a reaction. Theres obviously no issue with you checking your underage (ie minor) daughter's msgs, theres a bigger issue with parents NOT checking imo, clearly it needs doing going by what you found.

i just had a funny feeling that’s what was happening

OP posts:
GneissGuysFinishLast · 05/02/2023 20:23

Tiani4 · 05/02/2023 20:20

@Life350
I agree don't let your DD have Snapchat aged 13

Remove it. I still won't let my 15 yo DD have it
They get by with IG and WhatsApp

The fact she spoke to you like that indicates she's gif something to hide

"Looking at underage minor conversations " is only an issue to your DD when those underage minor convos are well dodgy , she has reason to hide it and they are sharing stuff they shouldn't . Sc can't be trusted as it disappears

Do you have a teenager? I don’t, but I teach 11-18 year olds, and 13 year old girls are by far the most challenging group. They say things like this a lot, for shock factor.