To hit the roof

[Life350]

Just checked my dd’s Snapchat and she has accused me of looking at ‘underage minors’

needless to say Snapchat is gone as it’s been a nightmare to manage and hell but I’m so upset and disgusted she would say that to me

I think iv been too slack in my rules though iv been too swayed and I need to change that

That’s not anything like how it sounded in your first message.

Still keep her off social media and monitor phone use, but I’d let this one go.

Hahahhaaha
Exactly the reason you should be checking her messages !
She's arranging something you don't agree to and wills t want her to do.
Did you find out where the money came from? For what?
She's too young for sc definitely as a sign of a trustworthy teenager is a teen that talks to you openly and isn't defensive if you ask reasonable questions

We'll just ignore the teacher on here that knows better who doesn't have teenagers herself

Just re read first message which I wrote whilst shaking with anger and can see it does read a bit worse as I wasn’t explaining myself properly but I did go into explain more later on!

It's ok OP. You can talk to her about it. Just arrange a time tomorrow when you both have time to let it settle.

But leave sc app off her phone

It’s from a family member we saw earlier today we went to shops then she said I think I’ll keep this in my room. I usually give her money on the card for town so I can see what is being brought and where. She told me she tried vaping a few weeks ago as a one off. So I just thought I wonder if she’s buying vapes and Lo abs behold yes she is

I agree with removing Snapchat for now OP but when I read your words
and her reaction to it being removed makes me know it’s right to remove it as she’s been in tears sobbing at the thought of not having it anymore
I did wonder what my reaction would be if anyone removed my mumsnet app from me!

The problem is there are new proxy apps being developed on a daily basis so it would be virtually impossible to link to them all
But most of them are fronted by a simple fake calculator app so there's a numerical pad to key in a pincode
The private or safe space on a phones hardware is easier to find as they are listed in the phones user guide

As for teenagers being honest well my DM thought I was always 100% honest with her but like many others I told her what she needed to know not what I was actually up to

Tiani - research can show a lot of things but research is limited by funding and academic protocol and is really only useful to hang approaches, policy, etc from.

And then there is also experience and decades of anecdotal evidence - equally valuable and recognized as so in Social Research. Therefore, just because a practice hasn't been included in academic publications does not mean it should be dismissed merely because it hasn't been.

She 13 ie immature and is lashing out and deflecting what she was doing on to you. You have played into her hands by taking it far, far too personally and not seeing it for the immature ranting of a child who needs a calm and firm talking to about the seriousness of what she is saying and also the dangers of vaping. Don't hit the roof, educate her.

Haha true

I was merely commenting that comments like the ones made to the mother shouldn’t be taken to heart, if you read my other messages I say that the teen shouldn’t be on Snapchat and offer her suggestions of how to keep her off Snapchat (as she is concerned she can use it on school cheomebook, which she shouldn’t be able to do) - our school chromebooks can’t even access YouTube, so if kids are getting into Snapchat on them this needs to be flagged up to the school. - op was 100% correct to check her kids social media and I’ve said that in several messages.

Yeah to be clear I didn’t actually hit the roof I felt like it then came on mumsnet to rant.
i think now iv calmed down I can see it more objectively in that it was the latest in a long line of crappy comments in. Crappy tone but nothing more serious than your average teenager. It’s so rude though

@Satinthemiddle
That's helpful to share that, (we'd been told similiar) that's but agencies are so slow to keep up with what some IT and media savvy people know almost immediately when new routes come out

@Life350
Time for a chat about vaping
Age 18 or over only. And retailers are very careful in selling them...
www.gov.uk/government/publications/new-rules-about-tobacco-e-cigarettes-and-smoking-1-october-2015/new-rules-about-tobacco-e-cigarettes-and-smoking-1-october-2015

Yeah, I wouldn’t be hitting the roof over this. It seems that your DD knows exactly how to push your buttons as you say this is just the latest in a line of similar comments. Try to stay calm and don’t get upset. Rather, explain to her why it’s inappropriate and dangerous to throw statements like that around. And you’ve def done the right thing by taking sc away. Horrible app.

Yeah I have since wondered if she’s giving me some of the info and whether she vapes more

I think there’s kids that sell it at school it’s everywhere really needs clamping down on iv seen videos of teens smoking vapes in the toilets and school grounds not just in this school but on other schools

Iv been really stupid actually as the videos iv seen they are mostly all doing it! Wish they would do away with vapes in the diff flavours

@TheHateIsNotGood
Did you really need to say that? Ofc professionals and parents know that, but since most practice is evidence based, we tend to quote research.

(Research studies, more often than not, tends to tell us factors that have been known by experience in the field for a while )

I’d guess she probably does, it’s so much easier to hide than smoking, it’s generally cheaper than smoking (as you can just have a few puffs at a time so a vape lasts longer than a packet of cigarettes did when we were that age) - plus the smell doesn’t linger. It’s a massive problem in this age, I’d actually say it’s more widespread than smoking because they see it as “safe” and as I say, it’s easy to not get caught.

Id work really hard on making her understand the dangers of vaping.

I really thought I had but it’s a losing battle when they are marketed towards teens ie in diff flavours etc

It'll be interesting to see in years to come if underage vaping increases risk later on of underage smoking cigarettes or weed and also underage alcohol misuse

It definitely seems associated

Your DD shouldn't have access to vapes as she's 13
So that's a worry

I hope you and your DD13 have a good talk when she's calm.

"Because I pay for the phone. Next question?"

I completely agree. On one hand it’s a good thing because many ex smokers have stopped smoking cigarettes, and the choice of flavour (and adjustable nicotine levels) are obviously really beneficial for them, but the introduction of the disposable vapes have made it too accessible - in the early days where you had to buy the kits/pens, at least there was a larger initial outlay.

id consider loss of financial privileges to be honest - do the school do prepaid lunches or something? And definitely no going to town with a card - regardless of if it can be monitored or not.

Yes I did need to say that, not sure who the "we" are that you are referencing, I am part of a few "we's" myself; you and the OP quite probably are members of the same "we" group on some level.

Research is one of my fortes, as well as parenting and teenagers and rembering my own teenaged feelings so many years ago.

It's just advice and mumsnet, not a Phd thesis.

Lol well because I used to pay for the phone! Think I’ll get my nails
done every month instead of paying it now