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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to stop neighbours from using the steps at the side of my house as shortcut?

346 replies

thelongroad · 05/02/2023 16:45

I genuinely can't decide whether saying something would be unreasonable or not.
Our house (blue) is next to the corner house (red). There is a new build next to us, consisting of 2 semis. The one right next to us is still empty, but just before Xmas a family moved into the other one (pink).

All the houses along our road have the front entrance along the front road, but can also be accessed from the back road (we have no garden, only parking spots for the cars). Neither the front nor the back are fenced off. Front road is a dead end, so nobody going past. Back road has occasional cars and kids walking to local school but otherwise nothing (rural village).

We own the bit between us and corner house (their land is fenced off all round). It's sloping downwards towards the back, and we've paved it and put in steps (grey lines) so we can walk from front to back of house. I've also got plants growing there and we have our firewood stack on the side.

Very occasionally kids who are playing on either road use our steps as a shortcut to the other road. This is ok. We've also had workmen ask to use it when they've been working on one road and needed to get to the other. Also fine.

However, since the new neighbours moved in, they have been using it ALL THE TIME for getting from the front to the back. They have a garage at the front of the house but park their 2nd car at the back. Clearly they have no way of getting into their house at the back (we put in a back door specifically for this purpose) so they using our steps to cut through instead of walking all the way around the corner house.

Now, the thing is that the steps go past our living/dining room, and I actually see them zipping past every time. If they look in they can see us too.

It's (irrationally?) annoying the fuck out of me that they seem to think they can just come onto my property because it's more convenient for them.
I've even blocked the bit a the front with a row of plant pots to make it slightly more obvious that it's not a public way, but they're still using it.

I can't decide if I'm being deeply unneighbourly and unreasonable in wanting them to stop using our steps. I know I can ask them to stop and they will have to (from a legal point of view) but should I? Why does this bother me so much??

Apologies that this is so long. I offer a diagram as compensation of you made it through!

AIBU to stop neighbours from using the steps at the side of my house as shortcut?
OP posts:
ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 05/02/2023 17:52

Shall I block it with more plant pots? I wonder how much of an obstacle I'd have to put in the way before they stopped doing it?

If only there was a clearer way of telling them to stop doing it. Like, I don't know, words?

IncompleteSenten · 05/02/2023 17:53

It's absolutely clear that it's private. You'd have to be thick as shit not to realise"

Some people are as thick as shit though.
Others are just totally oblivious.

Talk to them. Ask them to stop.
If they don't then you need a fence. It doesn't really matter if you've not needed one before

icelollycraving · 05/02/2023 17:54

Speak to them. I’m baffled how they are supposed to get to their back door if no path and no garden.
Knock on the door, tell them the steps are part of your property and you thought they clearly didn’t know so wanted to mention it, Thry may not know or they be knobs, you’ll know afterwards.

Original poster
thelongroad · 05/02/2023 17:56

For various reasons (none of them great I admit), I haven't just gone round and asked them to stop doing this. I would like them to desist without me having to explicitly tell them 😂

OP posts:
WingingItSince1973 · 05/02/2023 17:57

Ah sorry I misread. Now I realise my mistake (thought was red house) they even more cheeky as surely it's quicker they go down side of their house to front. Unless I'm being really dense and they can't do that hence walking along the back of the houses and cutting down your steps. I would need to talk to them because the empty house will have people eventually and they might start doing that too.

NoSquirrels · 05/02/2023 17:57

thelongroad · 05/02/2023 17:45

@wingingitsince1973
They own the pink house, so there is a semi between us and them. The semi (green) is still being worked on (it's going to be 2 flats), so there is currently only a small wall between our parking spot and theirs.

The people in the green flats will shortly be using your steps too, I’ll bet. So definitely nip it in the bud now. Word with the current neighbours to give them the door man’s number, then be prepared to speak with any new neighbours too and get a small sign.

ShinyMe · 05/02/2023 17:58

thelongroad · 05/02/2023 17:56

For various reasons (none of them great I admit), I haven't just gone round and asked them to stop doing this. I would like them to desist without me having to explicitly tell them 😂

They aren't mind readers! Go and talk to them.

Pseudonamed · 05/02/2023 17:58

I think they are cheeky fucks as it is clear as day it is private property and you will have no choice but to say something. Maybe say something along the lines of 'I see you have been using our pathway to access your back entrance but as this is private property and we like our privacy if you would kindly only use in emergencies.

NoSquirrels · 05/02/2023 17:58

thelongroad · 05/02/2023 17:56

For various reasons (none of them great I admit), I haven't just gone round and asked them to stop doing this. I would like them to desist without me having to explicitly tell them 😂

They won’t. You’ll have to talk to them.

gogohmm · 05/02/2023 18:00

Talk to them, ask them to stop cutting down through your land and if they don't stop install a gate, you don't need two remember, just one with a lock

aloris · 05/02/2023 18:01

I would be annoyed that they built a house without a way to get from their parking spot in the back, around to the front of their house. They could have looked at your house and noticed they needed an actual back door. The architect who designed their house could have planned for this totally obvious situation. So I would be worried they assumed, or were told, that they could simply use your private property as their right of way or something. So I would get on top of that now, while it's early, to make sure they don't get into the habit of it. Having to censor yourself in your dining room will get old pretty quick.

Original poster
thelongroad · 05/02/2023 18:01

@icelollycraving
They get to their back door from inside. Their garage is at the front, next to their front door. They have the option of fencing in the back area and creating a small terrace/garden space if they want to, which they then access from inside.

@NoSquirrels oh god, yes, you're right about the new people in the flats having the same problem, arrgh! right I definitely need to nip this in the bud, it's not just me being a cranky unsociable.

OP posts:
adhdpunchbag · 05/02/2023 18:03

You really do need to knock on and tell them...

Original poster
thelongroad · 05/02/2023 18:03

@aloris They are currently parking on what "should" be their back garden/terrace. The actual parking spot is the garage which is at the front. They can of course also park on the road at the back (or the front although that's quite a narrow road and they will get problems with all the neighbours and rubbish trucks then) but then they have to either put in a proper back door or walk around the red corner house.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 05/02/2023 18:04

Just tell them. Or put it on a card through the door>

There something we need to clear up. Possibly you made a mistake and think there's a public right of way through our garden, but there isn't. This is our very private space , and we don't like neighbours using it. Please stop, and don't use it again.

WingingItSince1973 · 05/02/2023 18:04

Please forgive me but this is making me confused 😂 They get to their back door through the front door? So they have a back door? Sorry OP I'm on a go slow today Xx

SharkVega · 05/02/2023 18:05

I don't know what the right-of-way laws are here (it's not strictly relevant but we are not in the UK

I think it's probably quite relevant. Not necessarily the laws but culturally as to how acceptable it is or how much you may need to spell out it is unacceptable.

skippymcflippy · 05/02/2023 18:06

YANBU for not wanting them to stop.
But YABU for not simply going round and nicely asking them to stop - point out it's your private property and not a public right of way. You should try that before spending money on gates, signs, whatever.
If they then don't stop then install gates.

I really don't understand why people don't communicate with their neighbours over things like this. But then I've lived in a German-speaking country for 15 years and people are much more direct here. You simply get asked to do something/not to do something by neighbours - in a pleasant but direct manner - and then that's the end of it. And similarly I have absolutely no qualms about nicely asking neighbours to stop doing something etc.
Maybe I've been out of the UK too long!

Original poster
thelongroad · 05/02/2023 18:07

@wingingitsince1973
They go in their front door, through their house, and then at the back they reach their terrace door. Does that make more sense? :)

OP posts:
PuzzledObserver · 05/02/2023 18:08

They get to their back door from inside

I can’t quite get my head round that. Could they just change the lock to one which can be opened from outside with a key, or would they have to change the whole door? Maybe they plan to change it and haven’t got round to it yet - it would annoy me having to walk around two other houses every time I wanted to get into mine!

Also - what is immediately next to their house on the other side (the right of your diagram) which prevents them from walking round that side? It would be shorter!

Original poster
thelongroad · 05/02/2023 18:09

@skippymcflippy Ironically enough I am actually in Germany and I would normally agree with you!

OP posts:
Partyandbullshit · 05/02/2023 18:10

You keep saying that fencing isn’t necessary….but clearly it is! You have the great misfortune of living next to CFs who don’t respect your literal boundaries. This is precisely what fences are for.

It’s a shame when a street goes this way, really changes the tone. And you can expect that if you’re the first to put a fence up, you won’t be the last.

Your neighbours are enhancing their enjoyment of their home by trespassing on yours. YANBU at all.

mumda · 05/02/2023 18:11

What is on your deeds?

jamtodayplease · 05/02/2023 18:12

I think we will look into getting the whole area fenced off. We've talked about it but always put it off as it's so expensive and not actually necessary.

You'll have to speak to them about it. Then, if they don't behave reasonably, it will unfortunately be necessary.

Gymnopedie · 05/02/2023 18:13

Sorry OP but you are going to have to talk to them.

The problem with plant pots/bins/whatever is that if somehow they haven't realised it's private property and think it's a genuine cut-through, they're going to think YOU are the CFs for trying to stop them. Even 'private property' signs might make them think the same. That you resent having the path so close to your house so you're getting stroppy and being that neighbour when they don't think they're doing anything wrong.

Of course they may just be the CFs themselves and know exactly what they're doing, but until you talk to them you won't know.