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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to stop neighbours from using the steps at the side of my house as shortcut?

346 replies

thelongroad · 05/02/2023 16:45

I genuinely can't decide whether saying something would be unreasonable or not.
Our house (blue) is next to the corner house (red). There is a new build next to us, consisting of 2 semis. The one right next to us is still empty, but just before Xmas a family moved into the other one (pink).

All the houses along our road have the front entrance along the front road, but can also be accessed from the back road (we have no garden, only parking spots for the cars). Neither the front nor the back are fenced off. Front road is a dead end, so nobody going past. Back road has occasional cars and kids walking to local school but otherwise nothing (rural village).

We own the bit between us and corner house (their land is fenced off all round). It's sloping downwards towards the back, and we've paved it and put in steps (grey lines) so we can walk from front to back of house. I've also got plants growing there and we have our firewood stack on the side.

Very occasionally kids who are playing on either road use our steps as a shortcut to the other road. This is ok. We've also had workmen ask to use it when they've been working on one road and needed to get to the other. Also fine.

However, since the new neighbours moved in, they have been using it ALL THE TIME for getting from the front to the back. They have a garage at the front of the house but park their 2nd car at the back. Clearly they have no way of getting into their house at the back (we put in a back door specifically for this purpose) so they using our steps to cut through instead of walking all the way around the corner house.

Now, the thing is that the steps go past our living/dining room, and I actually see them zipping past every time. If they look in they can see us too.

It's (irrationally?) annoying the fuck out of me that they seem to think they can just come onto my property because it's more convenient for them.
I've even blocked the bit a the front with a row of plant pots to make it slightly more obvious that it's not a public way, but they're still using it.

I can't decide if I'm being deeply unneighbourly and unreasonable in wanting them to stop using our steps. I know I can ask them to stop and they will have to (from a legal point of view) but should I? Why does this bother me so much??

Apologies that this is so long. I offer a diagram as compensation of you made it through!

AIBU to stop neighbours from using the steps at the side of my house as shortcut?
OP posts:
Goldandpurplezebra · 05/02/2023 17:18

Don't put more flower pots just explain to them politely that it's your property. If they are reasonable people they will probs be embarrassed that they've been using it and be grateful that you've told them nicely.

NumberTheory · 05/02/2023 17:19

Hillrunning · 05/02/2023 17:18

I don't understand why they aren't just going through thier own house? Surely that's the fastest route.

They don’t have a door at the back. It’s in the OP.

nicknamehelp · 05/02/2023 17:19

I would add more pots and perhaps a sign. Or next time you see them politely point out the steps are private and to please not use them.

PuppyMonkey · 05/02/2023 17:19

Crikey, from your diagram it looks like this is enormous CFery. Why would anyone ever think they could just use a set of steps going right past someone’s house? Confused

A gate or blocking it with a massive scary dog is definitely the best solution.

Backtothe90ties · 05/02/2023 17:19

Mydogatemypurse · 05/02/2023 16:58

Gates are expensive, id just ask them 'is there a reason you keep walking through my garden'

This. Why have you not just said??

LadyOfTheCanyon · 05/02/2023 17:19

Just popping on to say 😘👌🏽at the diagram.

Cheesyfootballs01 · 05/02/2023 17:19

Personally I wouldn’t fuck around with trying to put pots in the way- just either say to them when you see them next to stop using it as it’s your land and not a right of way or knock on their door and tell them the same.

I honestly don’t know why you can’t just talk to them??

Original poster
thelongroad · 05/02/2023 17:19

Their house a terrace-type door onto the back (in theory this could be made into a patio area), which isn't lockable from the outside iykwim. We had that too at the beginning and then quickly realised we needed an actual back door, so we changed it.

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 05/02/2023 17:19

Oh they haven't got a back door? Yeah, get a gate up.

LimeTwists · 05/02/2023 17:20

‘Hope you’re settling in well? May we ask you not to use our garden as a cut through to your property? We weren’t sure if you realised that you are entering our garden but it’s not a public path! We’re actually thinking of putting gates up to stop this. Thanks so much.’

If they ignore this, I would throw stones at them / set traps / trip wire / hire a snarling dog.

EyesOnThePies · 05/02/2023 17:21

Before you spend money on gates, pots, chains etc just speak to them.

To claim adverse possession / a Right of Way someone would have to say they had used it without being challenged for 10 years.

Telling them is a challenge. A notice makes it clear.

Wetblanket78 · 05/02/2023 17:22

They are using it as a public footpath when it's not. Would you be able to put fencing and a gate up? Will probably need planning permission.

Tinkerbyebye · 05/02/2023 17:23

I would knock on the door and say sorry it’s private land and please stop using it, then I would put up a gate if it continued, but in the meantime I would stick up a sign saying private land and move the pots

RandomMess · 05/02/2023 17:23

You do need to go around say hello and tell them that the steps are your garden and they need to put their own on and would the like the name of who you used.

Tiani4 · 05/02/2023 17:24

You mustn't let your cf neighbours make this a right of way by vetting through your property and it's disturbing you

I'd put a letter through their door saying
"We've observed you walking in our property our steps as a short cut. Please stop doing this as it is interrupting our privacy."

If they continue after then you can send a cease and desist letter from solicitor but you must take this up

What can you do to block off their access to either their back or front? Is out in any measure including growing hedges (which then you can charge them for damaging) and put in a Ring doorbell or cctv that side

Make it hard for them to do it and make it that they damage your property if they do (growing hedges - pyrancatha bushes are great for stopping intruders cutting through as they are spiky)

https://www.hedgesdirect.co.uk/acatalog/pyracanthaorangee_berries.html

Suedomin · 05/02/2023 17:24

don't understand why they aren't just going through thier own house? Surely that's the fastest route.

The neighbours house doesn't have a back door so the quickest way to get to the back road is via the OPs steps.
OP if you don't want to put a gate up I would put as many pots as you can there to make it very clear that it is part of your property and not a public right of way. I wonder whether they think it is a shared access?

Original poster
thelongroad · 05/02/2023 17:24

So general consensus so far is very clearly that IANBU to be annoyed about this. I was wondering if I was turning into a curmudgeonly old cow to mind about something like this.
The thing is - I actually don't mind anyone doing it occasionally - it's the way it's become default shortcut for getting from their car to their front door that is pissing me off.
I think I'll have to say something - maybe offer to give them the number of our door guy and say we discovered v. quickly how annoying it it not to be able to access the house from the back.

OP posts:
LimeTwists · 05/02/2023 17:25

I just saw we crossed posts and I don’t think you consider it a garden that they are cutting through. But it’s private land where the steps are so I think you could still refer to it as a side garden? I keep looking at the diagram and I’m not sure if they’d know the strip and the stones belong only to you? I’ve had three hours sleep so sorry if I’m being thick.

LakieLady · 05/02/2023 17:25

I'd put up a gate, to prevent it becoming established as a public right of way.

Tiani4 · 05/02/2023 17:26

thelongroad · 05/02/2023 17:24

So general consensus so far is very clearly that IANBU to be annoyed about this. I was wondering if I was turning into a curmudgeonly old cow to mind about something like this.
The thing is - I actually don't mind anyone doing it occasionally - it's the way it's become default shortcut for getting from their car to their front door that is pissing me off.
I think I'll have to say something - maybe offer to give them the number of our door guy and say we discovered v. quickly how annoying it it not to be able to access the house from the back.

You have got to change your mindset
Stop letting people cut theoigh by walking in your land your property by your windows

You risk creating a neighbourhood right of way over your land close to your property and windows that you can't come back from

ReamsOfCheese · 05/02/2023 17:27

They sound a bit dense if they've ignored the plant pots, or like they're doing it on purpose. I don't see any way to resolve it except to put a lockable gate up because talking to them now is going to be horrendously awkward as they've been doing it for a while. I suppose the only way of starting that conversation in a natural way is if you see them doing it to go straight out and say "excuse me, these steps aren't public, they're private." But it's still an awkward situation.

You can get masonry screws and screw a length of wood to the side of your house to attach the gate to; we had to put one up at our last house as kids kept wandering around the back and staring in through our patio door!

StoneofDestiny · 05/02/2023 17:27

Just tell them to stop and it's not a right of way and is disturbing your privacy. (But I'd add gates anyway as it helps security for your property. If they can traipse round your property, so could burglars.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/02/2023 17:28

"I'd put a letter through their door saying
"We've observed you walking in our property our steps as a short cut. Please stop doing this as it is interrupting our privacy.""

Sending a pompous letter without trying to talk to them first is really shitty behaviour.

steppemum · 05/02/2023 17:28

thelongroad · 05/02/2023 17:24

So general consensus so far is very clearly that IANBU to be annoyed about this. I was wondering if I was turning into a curmudgeonly old cow to mind about something like this.
The thing is - I actually don't mind anyone doing it occasionally - it's the way it's become default shortcut for getting from their car to their front door that is pissing me off.
I think I'll have to say something - maybe offer to give them the number of our door guy and say we discovered v. quickly how annoying it it not to be able to access the house from the back.

it is fine to be nice and offer your builders number etc etc.

But make sure that you are VERY clear, it is private property and it is disturbing us to have people going past the window, please stop.

Otherwise they might still continue until they get their back door

Original poster
thelongroad · 05/02/2023 17:28

It's absolutely clear that it's private. You'd have to be thick as shit not to realise. You have to step off the road and onto our whole paving area in order to get to the steps. And at the back you are walking right past our downstairs back room and cars. It is very, very clearly our property, which is what is making me wonder that they are so brazenly doing it.

OP posts: