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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP let friend massage him during outing

60 replies

Perridot · 05/02/2023 12:35

I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting here. Me and DP were out with friends. A mixture of men and women. He has a shoulder injury that’s very painful and he can’t do much with that arm at the moment. Just lifting it hurts. Anyway at some point he gets chatting to a friend of mine who works with animals and is familiar with the type of injury he has. I look over and she’s massaging his shoulder. It went on for a few minutes in front of everyone and there were some confused looks. We spoke about it after and I made it clear I thought it was inappropriate. He said he felt uncomfortable whilst she was doing it. I don’t get why he didn’t tell her to stop when she started? I would have just said no thanks it’s too sore. I would never let another man touch me like that especially not in front of my partner. He said he didn’t mean for it to look the way it did but I just feel annoyed and a little embarrassed. AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
Christmaspyjamas · 05/02/2023 12:37

Really? A massage of an injured shoulder in a group setting has upset you?

I don't understand sorry...

NCcantthinkofanewone · 05/02/2023 12:38

It was a massage for an injury, she wasn't massaging his cock 😂

LanaCara · 05/02/2023 12:38

There's nothing unreasonable about a friend helping someone with an injury. The only thing wrong here is if the friend done that without asking. Your reaction is odd. You saying you wouldn't let another man touch you like that, especially in front of your DP is odd (suggesting it's not as bad when your DP is not there).

007DoubleOSeven · 05/02/2023 12:38

Yes and no. Sometimes I think it depends on the social group. It was clearly innocent and remedial rather than for something like comfort. But given that he felt uncomfortable, you felt uncomfortable and even everyone else found it odd then yanbu. However, as it was to help ease pain I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Just move on.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 05/02/2023 12:38

Unless shoulder is code for cock I think you've got your priorities wrong.

Randommother · 05/02/2023 12:39

Yes, YABU. She was helping him with an injury in front of a group of people - what exactly did you think was going on? If it had been a male friend helping out, would that have bothered you as much?

JE17 · 05/02/2023 12:39

Sounds pretty kind of her really

LanaCara · 05/02/2023 12:39

NCcantthinkofanewone · 05/02/2023 12:38

It was a massage for an injury, she wasn't massaging his cock 😂

Wait til he goes next time, he will say he's injured his knob.

WetBandits · 05/02/2023 12:40

I think YABU too. He had a problem and she knew how to fix it so she fixed it rather than just let him continue to be in pain so she didn’t upset his wife.

connie26 · 05/02/2023 12:40

NCcantthinkofanewone · 05/02/2023 12:38

It was a massage for an injury, she wasn't massaging his cock 😂

😂😂

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 05/02/2023 12:40

She was trying to help him with an injury and lesson the pain. But you'd just prefer he stayed in pain and no one offered to help, or is it if a man had offered, you would have been fine? You're jealous.

Babsexxx · 05/02/2023 12:41

LOL ffs I’m just here for the comments on this one 🤣

WeWereInParis · 05/02/2023 12:41

I would never let another man touch me like that especially not in front of my partner.

Why especially not in front of your partner? Surely if you think it's inappropriate (which I don't think it is), it would be worse to do it in private, without your partner there?

Anyway, I think you're overreacting.

tangerinetreesandmarmaladeskies · 05/02/2023 12:42

I really can't see an issue. He has an injury and she was trying to help.

Would you have the same reaction if the friend was male?

jacult · 05/02/2023 12:43

Massive overreaction! She’s helping him out by touching his shoulder in front of a whole room of people! Have recently had shoulder pain, I would be so thankful!! She’s hardly going to be able to help the pain by just talking to it.

LightBuzzyear27 · 05/02/2023 12:44

YABU. As PP said, she was massaging his shoulder, not his knob.

Keepyourmummysboys · 05/02/2023 12:45

Blimey, this can’t be for real, surely no one is this insecure and jealous?

Coffeeandchocs · 05/02/2023 12:46

This made me laugh at first and then I immediately just felt sad for you OP.
If he went for physio or a professional massage would you insist it was a male? You seem incredibly insecure.

BakedTattie · 05/02/2023 12:46

I’d have probably asked for a massage too. My shoulders are killing me

Rockingcloggs · 05/02/2023 12:46

NCcantthinkofanewone · 05/02/2023 12:38

It was a massage for an injury, she wasn't massaging his cock 😂

Possibly my favourite ever MN response!

OP, he's got an injured shoulder, she was trying to help him with it. That's it.

I don't know why you think it was inappropriate or why other people were exchanging glances as though they were at an impromptu swinging party but I do think you're massively overthinking it!

TheVanguardSix · 05/02/2023 12:48

Ask yourselves if you would really innocently massage someone’s partner in a group setting? You wouldn’t. I’m a licensed massage therapist who spent years in spas and wellness centres up and down the California coastline.
I would not do what this woman did because I know that, harmless and innocent as it may be, a) it’s showing off and b) yes, it raises eyebrows. It just does.

And crucially (!!!) your partner felt uncomfortable! Enough said.

TedMullins · 05/02/2023 12:48

Yeah you’re being weird. She was helping him not trying to get him into bed

TheVanguardSix · 05/02/2023 12:49

He felt uncomfortable.
Everyone is ignoring this fact.
Interesting.

Christmaspyjamas · 05/02/2023 12:51

TheVanguardSix · 05/02/2023 12:49

He felt uncomfortable.
Everyone is ignoring this fact.
Interesting.

I ignored it because I thought it was probably the dagger eyes from his partner making him feel uncomfortable or he felt pressured to say it when grilled

Coffeeandchocs · 05/02/2023 12:52

TheVanguardSix · 05/02/2023 12:49

He felt uncomfortable.
Everyone is ignoring this fact.
Interesting.

He said that after the OP told him she thought it was inappropriate. I’d bet after her overreaction he felt forced to say he didn’t enjoy the massage to make her feel better.

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