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Original poster

Partners hasn't come home

51 replies

honeybeeandme · 05/02/2023 02:02

Partner hasn't come home. Was supposed to go out for a few drinks with friends - nothing silly. Anyway, he's done this on many occasions where I haven't heard from him all night and he's turned up the next morning to find out he stayed at a friends. I've given up caring now as he doesn't do it often but I feel it's such a lack of disrespect to not let me know. I haven't reached out to him until now and his phone is obviously dead. If it were the other way around he'd go ape shot! I dropped him off at 6pm it's now 2pm.

OP posts:
whattheFmate · 05/02/2023 02:03

Been there, done that. Arsehole.

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 05/02/2023 02:06

Been there many times with Ex

Next partner - Made sure they werent an arsehole

Humptydumptyfellapart · 05/02/2023 02:09

Urgh
Had an ex like this.

Throw him back and get a new one.

Babyenroute · 05/02/2023 02:29

Been there too until I had several very frank conversations about how it made me feel and how disrespectful it was. I didn't ditch but I can't remember the last time it happened now thankfully. Not naively saying it won't happen again though.

Pollypocket1001 · 05/02/2023 02:45

Meh. It's still quite early to be honest. More often than not I will rock up back home at 4/430am after being out all night.
DH has literally just walked through the door now after being out since 6pm.
Don't worry yourself, enjoy the peace and having loads more space in bed!

vodkaredbullgirl · 05/02/2023 03:42

Chuck him back in the sea or drown the fucker

Munches · 05/02/2023 03:44

I couldn’t put up with this. I have an anxiety disorder though- I would be tipped over the edge by this.
Aside from that, it’s disrespectful. Bollocks to that.

Munches · 05/02/2023 03:45

Pollypocket1001 · 05/02/2023 02:45

Meh. It's still quite early to be honest. More often than not I will rock up back home at 4/430am after being out all night.
DH has literally just walked through the door now after being out since 6pm.
Don't worry yourself, enjoy the peace and having loads more space in bed!

Early?!!

I must be getting old!!

Ponderingwindow · 05/02/2023 03:48

XH used to do this.
I defended him when family and friends pointed out the issues with his lifestyle choices.
finally came to my senses.

TrishM80 · 05/02/2023 04:30

Why do you need him home early, do you have kids?

custardbear · 05/02/2023 05:54

I wouldn't put up with that, disrespectful and also phone dead?! Could he be seeing someone else?

clpsmum · 05/02/2023 06:03

Humptydumptyfellapart · 05/02/2023 02:09

Urgh
Had an ex like this.

Throw him back and get a new one.

This. Don't settle for a selfish shithead

Zonder · 05/02/2023 06:21

TrishM80 · 05/02/2023 04:30

Why do you need him home early, do you have kids?

I think it's the not knowing that's the issue. It would be for me. I wouldn't care what time DH came home so long as he hadn't told me it was just a few drinks at 6pm and then not been home at 2am.

Same with my teens. Or anyone who lived here. It's only polite. I would always make contact if I wasn't going to be back by bedtime.

BCBird · 05/02/2023 06:28

I would not have a problem with my partner being out overnight it is the complete lack ofvewspect I would have an issue with. Not acceptable. Get rid.

gogohmm · 05/02/2023 06:53

Annoying as it is, I wouldn't be concerned until after the first bus of the morning arrives here - clubs don't kick out until 5am, get food first bus is 6.10 arrives here 6.55am. (It's always busy on Saturdays and Sundays, taxis are over £30!)

Poppyblush · 05/02/2023 07:14

Why stay with him then??

C1N1C · 05/02/2023 07:17

Get him to live-share his location with you before nights like this. If he's legit he won't mind. Plug it as a worried if he gets too drunk, need to pick him up thing.

Realistically, why shouldn't you always be sharing location with a partner... you should know everything about them and trust them implicitly.

SavoirFlair · 05/02/2023 07:29

My god there’s some bitter folk in this forum.

Angelik · 05/02/2023 07:39

He's not telling you cos you're going to keep asking when he's coming home and that will blight his night out. It's easier to ignore you and deal with fallout at some point late the next day once hangover gone! Sure it's late but he's a grown up. Leave him alone. It should all very fine providing he's not supposed to be doing anything on Sunday.

Cosycover · 05/02/2023 07:52

I don't think 2/3 is that late for a night out

fungibletoken · 05/02/2023 07:54

If it's the not knowing that bothers you (rather than the fact he's staying out) then I'd try to get him in the habit of being realistic about his plans upfront - i.e. saying: "Do you think you might stay out tonight? Just so I should know whether to expect you". If you're clear you don't mind what happens you just want to have some advance idea then hopefully you'll get a straight answer.

For some people it's not obvious to them that others might want to be kept in the loop. My parents have a bit of a drive home from mine and often do it quite late; I asked them if they could start dropping me a text just to say they'd made it ok which has been fine.

Original poster
honeybeeandme · 05/02/2023 10:01

Update. He came home at 3:45 and called me to ask him to let him. I nearly throttled him! Had no sleep 😴

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 05/02/2023 10:22

So had he turned his phone off whilst out, if it wasn't dead at the time of getting home for him to call you?

Devoutspoken · 05/02/2023 10:31

Why couldn't he get in?

rwalker · 05/02/2023 10:35

May be lax but going out and coming in at 3.45 I wouldn’t of thought that was unusual or unreasonable behaviour
no key on the other hand different matter

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