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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel shit about this?

62 replies

thisbathiscoldnow · 04/02/2023 00:43

Been on a great night out with some people from work. Everyone having a laugh. Some guy (not from our party) being a general nuisance, trying it on with everyone in our group, male and female. After several polite push backs I'd had enough and basically told him to get off me, to which he responded "don't give me attitude, fatty"

I instantly felt so fucking sad. I am overweight. I know I am. I try and exercise when I can, eat healthy etc but yes I'm bigger than I'd like to be. Totally ruined my night so I've just come home and cried.

Not really sure why I'm posting, how do you handle when someone is so hurtful about something you hate about yourself already?!

😢

OP posts:
PeanutButterSmoothie · 04/02/2023 00:45

Well, he obviously thought you attractive enough to try it on.

Workinghardeveryday · 04/02/2023 00:47

Come on op! Don’t let some sad act total loser who lashed out with a horrible comment because you hurt his feelings by knocking him back spoil you night.

he is a dick. That’s the sort of things boys say in the playground.

x

Original poster
thisbathiscoldnow · 04/02/2023 00:47

Still feel like a fat mess now though, but thank you xx

OP posts:
CohenTree · 04/02/2023 00:48

Don't give someone like that that kind of power over you. I once knew an obese man, who, when people made unkind comments about his weight, he would just say "Ouchie" with a deadpan voice and face.

Workinghardeveryday · 04/02/2023 00:48

PeanutButterSmoothie · 04/02/2023 00:45

Well, he obviously thought you attractive enough to try it on.

I was thinking that too.

Dont give him your headspace seriously

Original poster
thisbathiscoldnow · 04/02/2023 00:50

Workinghardeveryday · 04/02/2023 00:47

Come on op! Don’t let some sad act total loser who lashed out with a horrible comment because you hurt his feelings by knocking him back spoil you night.

he is a dick. That’s the sort of things boys say in the playground.

x

I know. I'm generally 'strong' nobody would ever know this kind of comment cuts so deep.
If he'd called me ugly or stupid or something I probably wouldn't have batted an eyelid, just brought it home that 'fat' is the first thing people probably notice about me.
Used to be a size 8-10, since having kids I don't seem to have been able to get below an 18

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 04/02/2023 00:51

Do you genuinely value that man’s opinion, OP?

Original poster
thisbathiscoldnow · 04/02/2023 00:51

Dotcheck · 04/02/2023 00:51

Do you genuinely value that man’s opinion, OP?

No, it just made me realise that's what people see when they see me

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 04/02/2023 00:56

What a wazzer. Please try to ignore him. His ego was bruised and he lashed out. And clearly he fancied you.

It'll feel better in the morning, especially if you've had a few drinks tonight.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 04/02/2023 01:02

Oh pet, I've been called fat, stupid, a bitch, and a frigid bitch in the same situation (though not all at the same time). Oh and a short cow, which I actually am, to be fair.

Don't give the random man headspace. And let's face it, if you hadn't called him out it would have been 'darling' all night... he's a no mark.

Original poster
thisbathiscoldnow · 04/02/2023 01:04

Thanks, I know I'm probably feeling sensitive because I've had a couple of wines. Just really got to me. I'm really sensitive about how much weight I've gained, which I know is not his problem and he wasn't to know, but it really hurt to hear him say it.

Maybe it's the kick I need to start dieting properly.

OP posts:
LaviniasBigBloomers · 04/02/2023 01:05

Being an inappropriate rude cunt IS his problem though. Find your anger!

thirtysixpercent · 04/02/2023 01:09

Honestly OP, nice normal people won't think that when they see you. They really won't!! This idiot of a man just grabbed at the stupidest, quickest thing he could think of as a retort because you'd bruised his ego. I'm pretty sure most people will be talking about a loser he was! 😊

Original poster
thisbathiscoldnow · 04/02/2023 01:09

I probably will tomorrow. Right now I just feel really down about myself.

OP posts:
FlowerArranger · 04/02/2023 01:20

Once, when crossing the road - I had right of way - the motorist who was ever so slightly inconvenienced shouted at me: "get out of my fucking way you fat cow!"

The thing is, I'm not fat. But the guy knew, as all dicks know, that women take this insult to heart more than any other. I still remember it all these years later.

Just remember, you may lose weight if you want to, but he'll be a stupid prick forever.

harrassedmumto3 · 04/02/2023 01:26

What a horrid prick. Hope karma's bad to him and he ends up getting his face punched!
Flowers

Namechangeforthis6 · 04/02/2023 01:32

Any man who uses this as their default insult towards women has some serious insecurities themselves

So let's all just assume this asshole had a micro Penistone (penis) my phone autocorrected but I prefer penistone 🤟

Serenity45 · 04/02/2023 01:39

"I can lose weight but you'll always be an ugly prick"

He's a fucking sad little nob OP

dontputitthere · 04/02/2023 01:39

Big unmumsnetty hug from me

What a twunt. Don't let him ruin your fun night

He's basically a small child. He gets rejected so goes on the attack because his ego can't cope

You sound lovely. Do something awesome just for you this weekend. Flowers

LewisCapaldisCamelToe · 04/02/2023 01:45

I've always reacted badly to being called fat, whether it's been when I was underweight or now, when I'm obese. Arseholes really know how to insult us.

If it kick-start a diet then fine, go for it, bit do it for YOU, not because your inner voice thinks you owe people like him something.

Did you tell anyone what he said? Did anyone challenge him, did anyone challenge any of his behaviour? I hope he went home and slipped in a dog shit, landing face first in someone else's puke while teenagers filmed it on Facebook live.

Paulisexcluded · 04/02/2023 01:45

Well done for calling him out.

That's what stood out to me when I read your post.
Look after yourself and don't take his words to heart.

Squamata · 04/02/2023 01:52

I have a big bust and used to get stuff shouted at me in the street regularly, I know how you feel. It can just puncture your fun.

I found it helped to imagine what I'd shout at any person I met, if I was a lairy arsehole. Honestly you would be able to find something to pick on anyone for, if not fat then skinny, big nose, etc. If someone's good looking they get catcalled too.

Then I think what a sad piece of shit you'd have to be to go around actually shouting like that.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 04/02/2023 01:55

He’s a scumbag who has done his best to make you feel small because you stood up to him. It’s his own fault for being such a twat.

Just remember, you did nothing wrong. Quite the opposite 🙂

punkofop · 04/02/2023 06:50

Urgh men like this are so awful.

I think we've all had a man we've rejected say something hurtful, I know I have.

Forget him but if YOU feel you'd like to lose some weight then get going in a positive way fo YOU.

SlashBeef · 04/02/2023 06:58

What an immature loser he is! Im embarrassed for him. Imagine getting knocked back by a woman and resorting to 7 year old playground boy behaviour. Actually, my 7 year old wouldn't even do that. He sounds like a disgruntled toddler

Just be embarrassed for him, OP. He is always going to be that kind of human and that's very sad for him.

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