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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel shit about this?

62 replies

thisbathiscoldnow · 04/02/2023 00:43

Been on a great night out with some people from work. Everyone having a laugh. Some guy (not from our party) being a general nuisance, trying it on with everyone in our group, male and female. After several polite push backs I'd had enough and basically told him to get off me, to which he responded "don't give me attitude, fatty"

I instantly felt so fucking sad. I am overweight. I know I am. I try and exercise when I can, eat healthy etc but yes I'm bigger than I'd like to be. Totally ruined my night so I've just come home and cried.

Not really sure why I'm posting, how do you handle when someone is so hurtful about something you hate about yourself already?!

😢

OP posts:
Mummadeze · 04/02/2023 07:00

So sorry he ruined your night. A woman at work regularly calls me a ‘fellow fattier’. She is actually trying to be nice and bond with me but it mortifies me too as I have gone from a 14 to an 18 since I worked there and never thought of myself as a fellow fattie, just a temporary fattie who was having a blip! I don’t seem to be able to lose the weight either, but I hate being bigger too. He does sound like a proper twat, but you know that. Best of luck with the diet. I have been thinking I will maybe aim for a dress size down (ie a 16) as that doesn’t seem such a mountain to climb but would give me a boost.

blitzen · 04/02/2023 07:06

YANBU

The exact same thing happened to me several years ago now. It ruined an otherwise good night and I went home upset, too. You can't help your feelings. What a horrid prick.

Hope you are alright. Xx

Bodybags · 04/02/2023 07:08

What a cunt.

He tried it on with lots of people.. right there will be the opinion of all of those people, several, many in fact because of those witnessing all of this thinking that this cunt, is a cunt.

So, that’s 2,3,4,5,10 people all with the same opinion about this cunt.

I bet that the opinion of everyone of these people of you will be a lovely opinion, they will feel outraged on your behalf.

That, OP is a lot of people drowning out one person.

Chuck it in the fuck it bucket OP. Keep the perspective of this in mind.

CheshireDing · 04/02/2023 07:08

Well he’s a random dickhead

he just had to find something to pick on because he was being rejected so wanted to make himself feel better. I have come across many of those dicks in my life, ‘why don’t you smile, what’s up bitch, slag etc etc’ (all at different times over the years). All with no basis other than I wasn’t interested in the idiots who were trying to muscle in on my night out.

i cared then, now I don’t give a shit. You too will feel the same one day OP, you’re just in the thick of it at the moment

FatSealSmugSoup · 04/02/2023 07:14

He’s said it because he KNOWS it’s the “worst” insult for a woman.

your lipstick is crooked.
your shoes are frumpy.
the buttons on your blouse are hideous.
your handbag looks cheap.
you failed your maths a-level.
you should clean your oven more.

all may be true - but nothing cuts quite like the “moral failing” of fat.

he hates women.

he’d have happily shagged you though. 🙄

ohfook · 04/02/2023 07:17

God I hate men like this who impose themselves on your time with friends and then act offended when you're not pleased about it.

I know first hand how quickly men can turn and I'm a coward so I never say anything. I just grin and bear it. I'm mega impressed that you stood up to him. It takes guts to do that and somebody who knows their own worth. You should be really pleased with yourself for doing that.

Men reach for fat because they know it hurts us not because it's how he sees you. You weren't too fat for him to try it on with you. I am fat but my friend is a size 6. After knocking a guy back on a night out he turned round and said he wasn't interested anyway because she 'looks like Vanessa feltz'. My friend's response was that VF is awesome why the fuck would you think that's an insult - but we all know why he said it. He wasn't trying to imply she was an intelligent, hilarious, sexy blonde with a successful career and loving partner he was saying she was fat not because she was but because he wanted to upset her.

Lampzade · 04/02/2023 07:19

I would have said ‘at least I am not ugly’
I am seriously petty

Wfhandbored · 04/02/2023 07:25

I had this recently and yes I have gained weight over the years but so what? He approached you as he was attracted to you and then on rejection knew what to say to make you feel shit. The small dick energy must have been RADIATING off him. Weirdo. Imagine how sad and lonely you'd have to be to spend your night TRYING so hard to get attention from anyone and everyone just to be shot down. Ew. Anyway, you're doing nothing wrong by existing in a slightly larger body. You do you, let him go home sad and lonely and cry wank his tiny nob 😊😊

BCBird · 04/02/2023 07:32

I am overweight and have had the odd comment made. I have been optimum weight too some assholes will treat you differently. I agree that you should not give him any head space.unless you value the person's opinion then it's a waste of energy. Be kind to yourself

Justleaveitblankthen · 04/02/2023 07:34

What a nasty little prick.

I remember these types. Often 'Billy no-mates' out alone for the night, or at least veer away from his mates to pester his way to getting off with someone.
We would be all enjoying a catch-up and some total entitled wanker would rock up and try his luck.
It used to infuriate me too.

Imagine what a saddo he is to spend his nights this way.

His 'opinion' counts for less than zero. 😡

Devoutspoken · 04/02/2023 07:36

Is there snyway you can report his behaviour

Blackandcreamticking77 · 04/02/2023 07:40

In order to insult me, I must first value your opinion

^^ I read this the other day and it’s so true!

I know it’s hard when it’s so personal op but think about it rationally. This guy doesn’t know how to behave in public, patently has no friends, and is generally acting like a complete arse. Why give his opinion any merit at all?

Congratulate yourself for standing up for yourself and enforcing some boundaries.

Maray1967 · 04/02/2023 07:48

If it might help with any future interactions of this sort, practise a swift retort . I have a colleague who is very good with the swift witty verbal retort- but she admits she practices them.

But as far as this one is concerned, he’s an idiot. I once got screamed at by a male driver who was doing about 60 in a 30 zone and was enraged that I’d tried to come out of a side road and slightly slowed him down. What he screamed - similar to your case - bothered me for a few days but my brain then seemed to turn it into criticism of him. Now when I think about it I just think of him as a total dick and it doesn’t upset me.

Maray1967 · 04/02/2023 07:53

Meant to add that in my case I think my brain processed his appearance and behaviour - very weird eyes and raging - so possibly on drugs. Your brain will process his behaviour - harassment by a total stranger annoying people on a group night out. Embarrassing .

ThatshallotBaby · 04/02/2023 08:09

Well done for calling him out. Really bloody well done, you have done us all a massive favour, thank you. Men say awful things when you reject them, that is a reflection on them, not you. Imagine how truly sad this man and his life is. Genuinely sad. Your life? Sounds like fun to me, and the fact you have the strength to call out shitty behaviour, well that’s invaluable.
The world needs more people like you. Onwards and upwards sweetheart Flowers

namechange1487 · 04/02/2023 10:58

You're the sort of person I want my DD to grow into. Standing up for others and yourself. Well done you.

I suspect you're good at advocating for others but maybe not yourself? That changes as you age.

He's a horrid, nasty, mean fuck. He wanted to hurt you and did, but that was yesterday- today you grow stronger.

rothbury · 04/02/2023 11:13

This reminds me of being in my twenties and rejecting a bloke in a club who decided to tell me how boring I was.

That comment stayed with me for years.

Now, in my fifties, I would just give a withering look and forget about it.

He is not worth giving any head space to.

DrManhattan · 04/02/2023 11:13

Guys like that are disgusting arseholes.

DrManhattan · 04/02/2023 11:14

They like you and are being fine up until the point you say you are not interested and then you get called every name under the sun. Standard story from some horrible insecure loser men.

Mydogatemypurse · 04/02/2023 11:17

thisbathiscoldnow · 04/02/2023 00:47

Still feel like a fat mess now though, but thank you xx

One mans fat mess is another mans curvy beauty. Thats what ive learnt.
But honestly dont let your worth me defined by a knobhead males opinion of you. Good for you for standing up to him, and make sure you do it again. Do not let this waste of space take any more of your headspace please.

WickedSerious · 04/02/2023 11:21

Lampzade · 04/02/2023 07:19

I would have said ‘at least I am not ugly’
I am seriously petty

This or 'fuck off dickless'.

Backstreets · 04/02/2023 11:30

Oh OP that man is a tragic bastard, but I get it! We all have that, nuclear thing, we get unreasonably sensitive and upset about, and he managed to trigger yours (lucky fucking guess - as there probably isn't a woman alive that doesn't feel some kind of way about her weight). He's a sad prick that bothers people with friends in pubs which is a real failing, being overweight is not.

Wilkolampshade · 04/02/2023 11:31

"I can lose weight. But you'll always be a prick."

Floofydawg · 04/02/2023 11:33

I know how you feel. I had a random nutjob woman call me fat cow in the street as I had supposedly splashed her driving over a puddle whilst parking up. Took me a while to forget it.

This bloke is trying to make you feel shit because you rejected his advances. He's not worth your energy.

TheHotdog · 04/02/2023 11:36

Yes of course it was an awful thing to say but use this as a lesson. You are clearly unhappy with your weight so time to start properly doing something about it.