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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I wanted to go to the rocky horror show with a friend and DH has gone crazy

61 replies

bellavi · 03/02/2023 21:16

My best friend (a gay man, married to his husband for 10 years, not that it should matter but just to give context) has invited me to go and see the rocky horror show at the theatre.

My DH has just went absolutely crazy, accusing me of wanting to dress like a "slut" and go to after parties.

I had actually invited him (dh) but he said he didn't want to go.

Aibu to think this is a massive overreaction?

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 03/02/2023 21:18

Do you genuinely need to ask if he is being unreasonable?

Original poster
bellavi · 03/02/2023 21:19

WandaWonder · 03/02/2023 21:18

Do you genuinely need to ask if he is being unreasonable?

Unfortunately I seem to have got myself into a situation where I don't know what's okay anymore :(

OP posts:
Sannesmom · 03/02/2023 21:20

Disgusting behavior by your husband, yuk

PritiPatelsMaker · 03/02/2023 21:20

Is being jealous and unreasonable a new trait?

moita · 03/02/2023 21:20

Yes of course he's reaction is unreasonable! I'm guessing this isn't the first time he's overreacted?

Soubriquet · 03/02/2023 21:20

Very much an over reaction…..

Does he normally question your clothing choices?

007DoubleOSeven · 03/02/2023 21:21

Typically, it's the men who tend to dress in bra, fishnets and suspenders not the women.

Of course this irrelevant because he's being a controlling, woman -shaming dickhead.

Go anyway.

userxx · 03/02/2023 21:21

Unfortunately I seem to have got myself into a situation where I don't know what's okay anymore :(

No, you know. Deep down you know. How long has it been like this for ?

007DoubleOSeven · 03/02/2023 21:21

Typically, it's the men who tend to dress in bra, fishnets and suspenders not the women.

Of course this irrelevant because he's being a controlling, woman -shaming dickhead.

Go anyway.

Pinkflipflop85 · 03/02/2023 21:22

Has he lost his mind or has he always been a twat?

Mysmallgarden · 03/02/2023 21:23

Just ignore him and go. Enjoy.

Original poster
bellavi · 03/02/2023 21:23

userxx · 03/02/2023 21:21

Unfortunately I seem to have got myself into a situation where I don't know what's okay anymore :(

No, you know. Deep down you know. How long has it been like this for ?

A while. He's persuaded me not to take certain jobs that I've wanted, and now I just work from home. I don't see anyone or really go anywhere.

OP posts:
Confrontayshunme · 03/02/2023 21:24

If I am trying to figure out whether I am just having a weird reaction, I always try to think "What is the BEST reaction in this situation?"

"Enjoy the time with your friend and have fun! Keep the outfit on for later. You look incredible."

This is basically the opposite of the best reaction.

Backstreets · 03/02/2023 21:25

Sounds like he's very controlling honestly :(

Logburnerperils · 03/02/2023 21:25

Leave the knob head. This is no way to live at all

DashboardConfessional · 03/02/2023 21:25

bellavi · 03/02/2023 21:23

A while. He's persuaded me not to take certain jobs that I've wanted, and now I just work from home. I don't see anyone or really go anywhere.

Show quote history

Time to see anyone except him and be anywhere he's not. He's not your keeper and you don't need his "permission".

007DoubleOSeven · 03/02/2023 21:26

bellavi · 03/02/2023 21:23

A while. He's persuaded me not to take certain jobs that I've wanted, and now I just work from home. I don't see anyone or really go anywhere.

Show quote history

You don't need us to point out that this is relationship defined by coercive control, becsude you know don't you?

In such relationships its completely normal to struggle to know what's OK, what your mind is etc.

But now you start the process of reclaiming your life.

dickdarstardlymuttley · 03/02/2023 21:27

LTB

Msgrieves · 03/02/2023 21:30

I went to see it with my friend and her dad at college. What on earth does he thinks happens Confused

Original poster
bellavi · 03/02/2023 21:30

We've been together since I was 19. I'm 35 now. I literally don't know anything else.

There are signs that it's not okay and I'm not stupid - I feel suffocated sometimes. But I don't have anything to compare it to.

My mum thinks I should be grateful for having such a nice DH. He wouldn't dare speak to me like this in front of anyone else though.

OP posts:
Lillygolightly · 03/02/2023 21:32

I’d be telling him that if I want to dress like a slut I don’t need his permission nor the excuse of a show to dress like one and that I will dress however I damn well please, and that I will go wherever I please with whoever I please and he can fuck the fuck off!!

He is a controlling insecure arsehole OP! Sorry 💐

Newtrix · 03/02/2023 21:34

I've saw RHS a number of times and my DH had reacted the same way he has to the dozens of other shows i see each year... relief that he doesn't have to come!

flowertoday · 03/02/2023 21:37

I am sorry that your DH is controlling and unpleasant. Just because you have been together for a good stretch of time it doesn't make his obvious faults less significant or sinister.
The fact that he plays the nice guy in front of your family or friends doesn't make him a nice guy. Quite the opposite.

I suppose the question is do you want to live the rest of your life making concessions for someone like your DH.

AutumnScream · 03/02/2023 21:38

Thats vile op not acceptable at all. I go to the rocky horror show every year and dress up and i would go ape shit if my dp called me a slut or told me not to go.

2013isback · 03/02/2023 21:43

My mum thinks I should be grateful for having such a nice DH.

"Grateful" is a bit odd - although I suppose you both could be grateful for having such a wonderful relationship, if you did.

He wouldn't dare speak to me like this in front of anyone else though.

So he's capable of not being a knobhead, then, when he has reason not to be.* *I'd be wondering why it's the person he's supposed to be closest to and love most who's getting the brunt of his bad behaviour.