To not think it’s fair to get a dog

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Me and DH have wanted a dog for as long as I can remember. Both grown up with dogs and are animal lovers, and we’d really like a pet. We did our research in the pandemic when WFH was established, but never took the step towards getting a puppy.

The topic has come up again recently and DH is really eager, reasoning that it will bring happiness to our lives and encourage us to walk (which we already do!)

I have shared my reservations with him but he is more optimistic than me and thinks we can use doggy daycare, which I know will come with a large cost.

One of us is a shift worker and the other works a 9-5, hybrid role where the working location is variable. Some days are longer than this, some shorter and some work from home. No way to guarantee this more than a week in advance. It does work so that there’s almost always one person at home. We have retired ILs living locally who would help but it’s not fair to expect it of them when SIL already demands they look after her dog at the drop of a hat. I don’t think this is enough certainty for a puppy and the burden isn’t for our relatives to bear if they want to make other plans.

I know the amount of time and energy that goes into raising a dog with a good temperament and would feel very guilty leaving a dog for any longer than a couple of hours, as their humans are really their world aren’t they!

I’d love a dog and think they’re fantastic but think it’s a kinder decision to continue looking after retired ILs dog when we know we have a weekend off, or annual leave etc. We’re planning to TTC quite soon, too, so not fair for a puppy to get pushed out - even if some dogs love babies.

I might be overthinking it, but AIBU to stand on with this?

I would park the dog idea until child is at least 5

If you do get a dog, please train it to walk properly on a lead from the get go for your own sake. We stupidly didn't (we tried once he started getting bigger, but it was too late) our dog pulls horrendously and is bigger than we thought he'd be. I'm pregnant now, and there is no chance of walking this dog with a pram. That's his only fault really but it's a big one.

Totally agree with all of this.

Do not get a puppy that will likely be in its last legs around the DC's GCSE's. Think about that .....

On its

We got an 8 week old puppy in August and despite him being very good with the crate and not really having indoor accidents he was hard work. Early early mornings, getting a routine for us all and making sure he wasn’t alone too much / at all at first. Your situation sounds busy and if you’re TTC it may be stressful. Personally I would wait in light of this.

You are very sensible. More people should think like you and put a dog's needs before their own desires.

You don’t have enough time for a dog right now and will have even less time for it when any babies come along so I would definitely park the idea for now if I were you.

You are clearly very concerned about treating the dog correctly which is so fantastic to read.
nobody knows how long you could be ttc for so it's difficult to reply to that point but you are correct in that late pregnancy then post birth will be very tiring and certainly once baby is here you will struggle to give your puppy the time he deserves.
also consider the breed of dog,a non working breeds will be less demanding,do you want a big or small dog?non shedding?
training is vitally important,a puppy cannot have too much exercise because of his young joints but training can start early on and must be consistent.
have a look at some dog forums and dog rescue websites for further information on the huge difference a dog can make to your life.
good luck.🐾🐾🐕

"A rescue is likely to require a lot more work to settle than a puppy because it’ll have hang ups and trauma."

This is just not true. Some dogs from rehoming centres need help, one of mine needed a lot of support, but the other is an absolute dream and needs nothing more than a sofa, an ear rub, a walk and feeding. Literally the perfect dog. Both were house trained within a week and walk well on a lead. Even the few months we spent ironing out the wrinkles with the needy one were not as intense as a puppy is.

A decent rehoming centre will match you with the right dog, and will tell you if your dog has a 'history'. In truth adopting an adult is so much simpler than buying a puppy.

Google suggested your post and I felt compelled to sign-up and respond to this thread!

The short answer: don't do it

The long answer: it depends

Based on some of the thread responses it sounds like you don't have children or are expecting. It really depends on your energy levels and commitment.

We got a big dog (Labrador retriever) last year and it's been incredibly intense and difficult, even more so than having a child (honestly, I'm not kidding, kids are way, way easier than a puppy!). It also limits what we can do as a family together. For instance, I want to try and include him as much as possible, but my partner still thinks we can treat him like a cat and leave him home most of the day. But also we are legitimately limited in what we can do, we're not really pub people and he doesn't cope well in loud/crowded places. Plus it really isn't like the movies, a lot of places still aren't dog friendly.

If I could do this over again I would have put my foot down more and insisted we continue taking our time, doing research and really thinking about it.

Don't be pressured by your partner. Take your time, do research and really think if you have the time, patience and commitment. Also if you are expecting or planning on a baby, your just gonna make your lives unnecessarily more intense and difficult to plan, but if you've got the right temperament it might work out, but I would not take a £1 million to look after a puppy and newborn.

Sorry, don't know how to update my post, but yes getting a rescue isn't going to make it easier, it will be even more difficult. A puppy you can train, they're a blank slate. A rescue you need to UNTRAIN. Again, so, so many people don't think about this and there are so many misconceptions. In the year I've had my dog I've lost count at the number of owners I've met who told me their rescue had been rehomed more than 3-6+ times.

That's truly heartbreaking and hearing people recommend rehoming to a puppy for someone who doesn't even know if they're ready for a dog just exacerbates the problem and shows people's ignorance at the dog rescue problem we have.

I don't think you should get a DDog either of you about to TTC.

Based on anything in particular? Experience? Because deciding you’re about to TTC would be the time to get a dog in my experience. Our dog has completed our family and I couldn’t imagine anything better than watching them grow up together.

Also no need to ever get a hideous pet like a hamster or anything, as they’ll have a pet already

Based on anything in particular?

Yeah having a baby with Tongue tie and hallucinating with tiredness. Don't think it would have been fair on a DDog as DS screamed constantly and I definitely wouldn't have able to give the time and attention our DDog gets.

Not everyone has a screamer though, the OP might be lucky

OP honestly I can't think of anything worse than having a dog and small children- we've had our lab for 6 months and my kids r nearly 6 and 9-i wouldn't have had one any earlier tbh

The only personal experience I can draw on is that we adopted our dog from a couple who got her when they had one 4 year old and were TTC again. They then had twins and their life suddenly became hectic and full of things the dog couldn't go with them e.g. medical appointments, go into play parks, onto beaches. They were shattered all the time, had no time or energy for anything let alone the dog who they felt guilty wasn't getting the attention or time she needed. Should add that they and their little girl loved our dog dearly and were heartbroken to let her go. The dog was and never has been any trouble, she's a dear, but having a dog at that time was just too much for them.

This is wildly inaccurate.

Many rescues are chilled out pre-trained adults, which have been assessed so you know what you’re getting. No puppies are. Puppies are a) enormously hard work and b) primed and ready to be screwed up.

It is absolutely the worst idea to recommend someone get a puppy because they’re “easier” or because the owner is inexperienced. The opposite is true- start with a solid, assessed adult dog.

Also no need to ever get a hideous pet like a hamster or anything, as they’ll have a pet already
Is there any fucking need @Derbee? Something is hideous but it ain’t the hamster population

Honestly it sounds like you both feel broody. Get cracking on dog or baby but not both! Once your family is complete and youngest is a preschooler you can start exploring puppies (because good breeders have waiting lists so you need a lead in of 18m-2yrs) so you get one once your final child is at school.

Or opt to get a puppy now and defer ttc because medium plus dogs take 2yrs plus to mature and you want a solid, well trained dog round your baby.

Do NOT have a rescue lab with indifferent recall on your hands whilst raising your first newborn. I speak from experience. We all survived but there is no reasonable explanation for how the stupid dog didn't end up under a bus, I didn't just die of the drink and DD1 didn't die from having her pushchair accidentally shoved into a river whilst I ran after TwatDog (as she was known) shouting Come Back Here you Fucker!

It sounds funny but actually I cried a lot and I look back and think only adrenaline kept me going through that first mat leave.

Ha, touchy! Clearly a hamster owner. However, a nocturnal animal that bites, and easily spreads diseases to children, whilst only living for a couple o years ticks all my boxes of “hideous pet”.

Don’t get a dog if you’re hoping to have kids soon

Literally the most selfish post I've read on the internet today!

Fuck the dog. I 'needed' one so it will have to fit in around me and if that's means being left alone all day so be it.

People make me so angry at times. You don't deserve a dog.

And honestly, I'm being super polite right now.

I have a 10 month old labrador. she is much loved and we bided our time like you until after the pandemic. I hybrid work 1-2 days a week some distance from home with 1.5 hrs commute each way. The days are subject to change but I can plan up to 14 days ahead. We have two older preteen children. DH works long days in the office.
Daycare planning is down to me as it was my call to bite the bullet and get the dog now. DH is spectacularly crap at this sort of thing anyway so it would stress me out more if he was doing it but it’s more household admin/mental load.

Your first point - the cost. buying the puppy aside.
Puppy daycare is costing me £42 per day. Extra for collection and drop offs if needed. Overnights are £60 if I have a late day/early start the next morning. Then there’s walking / training costs. It’s our first dog so we have invested in training rather than learn the hard way (for us and our dog) if we are crap at it.
Insurance is £41 per month
Vet visits are frequent. Labs eat a lot of crap they shouldn’t. There’ll be spaying to do two in due course.
Food is on top, breed dependent in terms of volume but considerably more expensive than I budgeted for.
So it’s worth doing your research and checking it’s affordable now and in the future. Childcare costs are eye watering bear in mind.

She’s lovely but there are def days when she’s a hassle or I have to drop everything at short notice and run to the vet. It’s basically like having a toddler again. Training her was tricky even with older kids as they ignore instructions when over excited so I was basically training them and the dog! I’d suggest that it’s easier to have a trained dog and then have children but it’s very dog dependent and tricky when kids land in your life and you are up to your eyeballs anyway. I’d suggest you either do it now or wait for years!

Calm down hun.

I've got a dog that gets walks through lovely countryside, played with, trained, a warm home, fed top quality foods, and comes to various places we me. Yet because I work, where she sleeps on the sofa, I don't deserve a dog? I'm guessing you must be a kept woman who puts her husbands dinner on the table every day at 6pm. Get the hell over yourself......and get a job!!

OP, you have doubts, which to me shows that you care about animals. I think the answer to 'should you get a dog' is no, because you want to be a caring dog owner if you are one.

I only wish others were as thoughtful and caring.