To not think it’s fair to get a dog

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Me and DH have wanted a dog for as long as I can remember. Both grown up with dogs and are animal lovers, and we’d really like a pet. We did our research in the pandemic when WFH was established, but never took the step towards getting a puppy.

The topic has come up again recently and DH is really eager, reasoning that it will bring happiness to our lives and encourage us to walk (which we already do!)

I have shared my reservations with him but he is more optimistic than me and thinks we can use doggy daycare, which I know will come with a large cost.

One of us is a shift worker and the other works a 9-5, hybrid role where the working location is variable. Some days are longer than this, some shorter and some work from home. No way to guarantee this more than a week in advance. It does work so that there’s almost always one person at home. We have retired ILs living locally who would help but it’s not fair to expect it of them when SIL already demands they look after her dog at the drop of a hat. I don’t think this is enough certainty for a puppy and the burden isn’t for our relatives to bear if they want to make other plans.

I know the amount of time and energy that goes into raising a dog with a good temperament and would feel very guilty leaving a dog for any longer than a couple of hours, as their humans are really their world aren’t they!

I’d love a dog and think they’re fantastic but think it’s a kinder decision to continue looking after retired ILs dog when we know we have a weekend off, or annual leave etc. We’re planning to TTC quite soon, too, so not fair for a puppy to get pushed out - even if some dogs love babies.

I might be overthinking it, but AIBU to stand on with this?

I really wouldn’t get a dog if you are soon planning to TTC.

Id wait till you have your children, get past the toddler stage and then reconsider

I 100% agree.

Also can you imagine having DCs and then bringing them home a new puppy for Xmas 🥺🥺

Puppies are also hard work and having DCs than can run around and tire it out is also a great idea.
Most dogs love kids and I do think it’ll be better for everyone to wait until the kids are here and old enough to play with it and go for walks etc.

You also have to think about you giving birth, hospital stays, health visitor visits etc all of which having a dog makes extra difficult and may mean your DH not being able to come with you to the hospital whilst you give birth if you are in labour for a long time.

I got a rescue dog when my DD was a baby (not planned). She grew up with this dog and has been a constant in her life, it’s all she’s ever known and it’s always been just me, her and our dog.
Our dog only has a few months to live due to old age and I am worried about what effect this is going to have on my DD and although I wouldn’t trade my dog for the world, I would have waited until my DD was a bit older so when our dog dies she’d be older and hopefully able to handle it better.

Can you sign up for Borrow my Doggy?

I do think rescue dogs are way easier than puppies too.

But with young children you are probably better off getting a puppy just so you know it’s history.
(Although I didn’t do this and got a massive, scary looking dog with absolutely no background to her history at all as she was a stray but is the sweetest, easiest, most loving dog in the world).

Most young healthy dogs really don't need to be asleep 80 or 90% of the time. They need stimulation, exercise, feeding, treats, toys and company and then a quiet place to sleep when they're knackered by their enjoyable life. Even my creaky dear 13 year old dog doesn't sleep 80% of the day.

Getting a puppy and having three weeks off work to 'settle it in' then leaving it alone all day when you go back to work is contrary to most advice any rescue/breeder/behaviourist would give.

All dogs are work and you can only enjoy them when you are in the right place in your life and you have plenty of time for them otherwise they're a nuisance.

Dog rescue sites are full of photos of dogs under which is written "Being re-homed due to no fault of his own. Work/family commitments mean the owner no longer has time for him".

Your set up sounds great for a dog. Mine is on her own while I'm at work. The reality is that millions of dogs up and down the country are, as it's pretty much impossible not to work.

Just because people do it, doesn't make it right.

The idea of having dog and never leaving it is pretty old school - modern day life is busy and dogs have to fit around that.

There's a lot in between never leaving a dog alone and leaving it alone all day whilst your at work

I don't actually know anyone who has a dog who works full time outside the house.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I was one of "those" that got a lockdown puppy. He's now 2 and I'm expecting my first baby in August and at times I'm worried about how I'm going to cope with a newborn and a crazy attention seeking dog. On the other hand I know parents that have been able to cope with both without an issue. I would personally wait until child is older and can look after themselves a bit as well as take responsibility for pup.

With the notable exception of assistance and working dogs, in this time of climate emergency no one should be getting a dog. They have a high carbon paw print and are a luxury the planet cannot afford.

If you are TTC just don't bother with getting a dog. It's not fair in the dog. Your time is currently filled with working (out of the house, it sounds), and later on your time will be filled with caring for a baby. Wait until your child is a bit older to get a family pet.

Get the dog! One of you is usually home, and dogs can tolerate time alone on the occasion that you aren't. Could you start looking after SIL dog instead of your in laws and then she can look after yours while you're out?

My pup has just turned one and I'm expecting a baby in May. I'm so glad I got her when I did, otherwise I'd have probably pushed it back 10 years while we have children. Yes I have to think about where baby can be put down etc there are different challenges but I'm so happy I'll have them both!

I think it depends on the breed of dog that you get. I have 2 king Charles dogs and we both work and have a 1 year old child. We use a dog walker when we're at work. They're really placid dogs and sleep most of the time. They're both fantastic with my little girl and have been since the day she was born. When I was pregnant, they would curl up around my belly to protect her. So they bonded with her before she was born.

Get a dog. They bring more comfort and joy than you can imagine.
You might be ttc longer than expected and a dog will help you with that.

We use a dog walker. 90 mins is £15 and we just tell her on the weekend what days we need that week.

The reason I didn't is due to children.
There is always someone at home but you never know with the most placid of dog what they are capable of.
My sibling was bitten by a dog, I was given a warning nip by a family pet (really scared me, I'd told dog off but I wasn't considered the alpha by the dog).
A friend from years back, her brother was mauled in the park, survived but scarred.
I love dogs but all it takes is something trivial to set them off.
I find the smaller caged pets we have hard work as it is. YANBU you're thinking sensibly. Children and dogs aren't a good mix.

We use a dog walker. 90 mins is £15 and we just tell her on the weekend what days we need that week.

Personally, I couldn't accommodate a client who only booked in on a Sunday night for the week ahead. My diary often fills up weeks in advance

It's obviously great that your dog walker can accommodate you like that, but it's probably not something OP should bank on.

I think this actually makes a bit of sense though? Our 6 month old pup has just started to be left for longer periods and on the whole he has calmed down massively. When we are all at home he finds it harder to settle down to sleep. If one of us gets up to go in the kitchen he will wake up and follow us. If it’s just husband at home working on the laptop he will sleep all day!

Sorry replied before I saw this but! Yes - he tends to be left 3-4 hours max. He used to stay in his crate for shorter spans but he’s much better sleeping on the sofa while we are out!

@leccybill £15 for a 90 min walk?? That's incredibly cheap. Most around where I live (South Herts) charge a lot more than that

Your set up doesn't actually sound appalling. Not suitable for a puppy as it's too variable but for an adult rescue, could work quite well.

Provided you can give a good walk in the morning it's fine to leave a (trained, balanced) dog for most / all of the day. If ILs can pop in to let the dog out, even better.

Otherwise doggy day care is a good option for those days you aren't home.

It sounds like maybe there's something else holding you back?

I think your set up sounds fine, particularly if you have flexible doggy day care around.

But I wouldn't if you're TTC, if I'm being honest I wish I could redo my DDs youngest years without a dog. Too much responsibility, two things with very different needs to care for, the places you want to take them don't overlap, extra expense at a time with budgets are squeezed, I've not enjoyed it all - others will disagree of course.

Not sure it sounds like you really want a dog?

Anyway, get a cat. Cats rule 🐈

We have a dog and our behaviourist says they should be asleep 80-90% of the time and that, in her experience/opinion, having owners around them constantly is really bad for them because they’re constantly “on” which inhibits their ability to relax, sleep and be calm. They used up very stressed (like overtired children). She actually encourages us to leave the dog alone unless engaging in active dog activities (like dog walking, dog training or playing with the dog). If you’re going to be at home the whole day, you should actually have the dog have a safe space in a different room to go to for calm. This is especially the case for breeds who struggle to relax or calm (like working breeds) that you would instinctively believe need more interaction but are actually happier with a lot less than you’d think

You need to fire your 'behaviourist'. This isn't anyone that knows or cares about what's best for dogs. It's a shrewd money maker that takes cash off idiots and tells them what they want to hear...ie lock the problem dog away in a room, alone, for x hours a day and they're happier. It probably fits in nicely with what the owner wants to hear.

Utter rubbish.

Personally I wouldn’t get a dog before having kids. I’ve heard quite a bit (including on here) about the hormonal changes and instincts kicking changing attitudes to the dog, eg re hygiene, safety, leading to the dog being unfairly pushed to the side or even given up.

Not saying at all that you would do this but it’s something I would personally be wary of. You don’t know how you might feel so it’s best to get settled first, then introduce a dog IMO

*instincts kicking in

Life is short, get the dog ! We lost our 15 year old dog in 2021 and swore we wouldn't get another....ended up with a puppy by October last year. Yes it's hard work but once their trained it's easier. Things to consider....dog walkers are cheaper than a full on daycare, maybe rescuing a dog rather than a puppy would be easier as it takes ALOT of training to get a puppy ready to be left a few hours alone without them destroying the place because quite frankly I'm against crates and cages...why get a puppy to shut it in a cage for hours a day right? Ours us 6 months now and we can leave her the run of the house if we got out for a couple hours and she pretty much just sleeps anyway. But yeah, get a dog 🐕

Sorry, but if you would ever ‘push a puppy out’ or get rid of a dog when a baby arrives, rather than include it in the welcoming the newborn, you definitely should not be getting a dog.

Not fair on a dog if you're TTC soon.