That threads starting "how do people afford....house, car, holiday, etc" are annoying

[bobbytorq]

I don't understand the purpose of the above threads. Is it because people really don't know and think there is some magic answer that eludes them? When people post about how they can afford it, they then get accused of lying or bragging. The simple answer is that people who have expensive things usually have enough money to pay for them. I'm lucky to have lots of friends whose income ranges from minimum wage up to seven figures. There is no hierachy/power/status attached to that and it's just a fact that my friend who earn more can spend more.

People complaining about family money could be the one who starts off the "family money" for their kids and grandkids. By not spending everything. Investing money so it can be passed on. Like the families with family money did.

Oh, sorry - the people complaining just want free stuff and are upset they didn't get any.

in Real life though, I do often wonder how people afford things - like a couple who earn about the same as DH and I based on job titles and industries (guesswork) - have a huge house and pay two lots of school fees - I am intrigued as to how they do that… I assume family money but I can’t ask in real life so reading peoples answers here helps me thinking about different options! I am nosy, and envious , and I think that’s ok…

I think it's because there's more of a disparity in income vs wealth these days.

But my problem with such threads is that the replies are usually unanimous - Literally everyone who has a bit of money must have had an inheritance. That’s just simply not true.

It's true in my case I everyone I know 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh, sorry - the people complaining just want free stuff and are upset they didn't get any.

that doesn't make sense. I only have my house because I had significant help. I completely understand why that frustrates others without the same help.

And you make people what the hell you are spending your large incomes on if y9ou can't afford a car.
People are always posting on here about how they earn 150k but haven't been on holiday in five years, and I always wonder what you are wasting it all on. We earn half that, live in an expensive place, and have a family holiday and a couple of weekends away at least, every year.

A family safety net makes a difference though. If you come from money & regularly get cash gifts if you earn 150k you will likely be a bit more cavalier with that money. Someone earning 150k who came from nothing will be far more conscious of saving.

Who’s complaining about family money here? Pointing out that it’s an advantage not everyone has is not complaining, it’s just acknowledging a fact.

Back in the late 80s we had a gift of a 1000 towards a house. We were lucky , but not as lucky as friends who were given 80k and their house is worth nearly 500k now.
We definitely had it harder and we had some help. The others we knew had it slightly easier
That's the breaks. Of course there are people much better off than us and some who would love to own home and renting ( as my son is and that rent will go up again this year too)
The gap is much wider now though , at least working class children like Dh and I had a chance of modest home ownership. It's much harder now. 1000 towards a deposit is a drop in the ocean these days. You need a lot more.

Sometimes it's a lack of lateral thinking. Sometimes it's a dig about how shit working class people are with money and it'll digress into how MC people endure without to save up but WC just bung it on credit because they'll too low class to wait.

Interesting. My parents didn’t have 2 pennies to rub together, they still don’t 😂

It would have been nice to get an inheritance but oh well! We saved for 2 years for our mortgage deposit.

We can afford holidays etc because we both have a 9-5 with a decent salary and have been working our way up over the years. We have savings because we don’t spend everything. Nothing more to it.

I'm in London, some of the family wealth is insane.

It's stupid. We don't all live or work in the same way. All this curtain twitching envy is a brain drain, surely.

Both myself and DP have new cars, paid off for them. But I'm in my 50s, worked for years. DP earns well. DCs grown up. Less outgoings, don't need anymore "stuff" in the house. We have savings. I don't have a credit card and I'm not a spendthrift (used to be tho!). I had a small inheritance, enough to buy the car. So of course we can now afford some things that we obviously couldn't so much before.

If a neighbour gets a new car I may think "nice car" but it wouldn't even occur to me to wonder how they afforded it. Who cares? People should focus on improving their own lives if they're that bothered, instead of grieving because someone else has "more stuff". Nosey effers.

Exactly
When some posters try to explain the reasons they are in fortunate positions they are accused of bragging .

And hell hath no fury like MN when you dare to say 'i've worked hard for it' whatever the threads about.

Saying you've worked hard for something isn't the same as saying others haven't worked hard but reading comprehension challenges and jealousy can drive posters here to madness.

It is bloody envy and jealousy.

Quite right that people clamp down on this. Yes hard work is an element but good fortune (luck) is also an element too. And many people work incredibly hard with little financial reward, for all kinds of reasons.

I've just read an excellent book on how flawed it is to see wealth as a virtue or to think that those without it in any way deserve to be looked down on .

(And I say that as someone who has been successful,.and I can think of so many parts of that that were sheer good fortune - from being born to supportive MC parents, no major traumas in my formative years, no major health issues (till recently), being part of an organisation that has grown when other similar ones have had major restructures, having a supportive boss who worked around me when an abusive ex meant I was homeless with young children. So yes I have worked hard but I don't doubt many people have worked equally hard or harder but just not had the good fortune. )

Yeah. There is a difference between working hard and working "smart". Aome luck needed.

But I get what pp meant about saying working hard for something being shut down. Making everything about luck diminshes the work and thought someone put into it.
Doesn't mean others don't work hard but often it is all kind of "well it's all about luck isn't it".

Well said the "I've worked hard for it" narrative is so toxic.

Are we really saying that a carer in a residential care home works less hard than a stockbroker? If it is all about hard work why can't the carer afford to buy a house? It isn't because she's feckless or lazy or wasteful, it is because no matter how hard she works she is in a poorly paid industry.

We need to examine some of the attitudes that lead to some of the hardest working people in society being paid the least and we need to recognise that there is a huge amount of luck and privilege that separates the haves from the have nots.

It doesn't mean that the stockbroker hasn't worked hard but they have almost certainly had a number of advantages.

I’ve clicked on a few threads like Those before, they always strike me as the op just wanting to be told that everyone is living on credit.

I like the "how do you afford" threads - obviously there is some bitching and some lying, but it's interesting hearing about other people's lives and spending priorities.

I think a lot of them are people who have done everything they've been told to do and still can't afford those things wondering what they've missed. I know I've wondered that when we've worried about money on what seems like it should be a great wage and it seems like all my friends aren't worrying. The answer has been a mix of things - credit, family money, buying even 5 years earlier, better house price rises, fewer kids, better split of wages, family childcare, etc. If I'd had all those things I'd be in a house three times the price and still have more than an extra £1k a month.

Well said the "I've worked hard for it" narrative is so toxic. Are we really saying that a carer in a residential care home works less hard than a stockbroker?

I don't think it's exactly toxic.
When people say they worked hard for something it isn't just workimg hard at work. It's also coming home from your 11 hour shift in restaurant, have a shower and then do your access course work or your uni work. I made quite a few people at uni working full time and do umi. It can be any course, language, accountancy, conveyancing, managment etc. Lots of people spend lots of time on doing this. That is working hard.
Even the stocbroker has to spent time learning to make money. After work.

This is not saying people don't work hard at work some do for very little money.
Just when people say "i worked hard to do x" they may not mean just work hard work at work.

*met not made😂

I get the "am I missing something" thing. I grew up wealthier than DH. As fresh grads we both started off earning OK salaries for London but he just didn't know how to maximise money so to speak (investments and dividends, using the right credit cards for big ticket purchases in order to easily and quickly earn enough air miles for luxury long haul flights, etc). He was often bewildered at how I could afford such ultra nice things on the same salary as him (no parental help then).