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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How long between asking and getting ears pierced?

178 replies

AmIreallyBeverly · 03/02/2023 09:27

Assuming you are happy they are old enough to make the decision and look after them, how long was it between your child first asking to get their ears pierced and you letting them get it done?

Please no discussion about piercing babies or toddlers ears. They are too young to decide or give consent so it isn't relevant to this discussion.

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 03/02/2023 09:58

When they ask & if they are sensible & capable of looking after them, I would say 7/8 onwards.
DD had never wanted her ears pierced, I'd asked her a couple of times for birthdays over the years.
She decided this year for her 13th to get them done, did her research though & under no circumstance did she want them done in Claire's, so we went to piercing shop.

BadlydoneHelen · 03/02/2023 10:00

Please check school policy if you're having them done. Ours aren't allowed to do PE unless they are taken out (no taping allowed) which restricts you to start of summer holiday unless you are happy for them to miss 6 weeks of PE and spend every lesson watching!

AuntieStella · 03/02/2023 10:03

DD had been asking on and off from about age 7 or 8, and always got the same answer - that she could have them done in the summer between primary and secondary.

DSes never asked and neither have any piercings

Kalpatra · 03/02/2023 10:04

Under age 10 I’d say no.

Over age 10 I’d say sure if you look after them while they heal, then do it at the next long school holiday so they can clean them throughout the day for the first couple of weeks.

InTheFutilityRoomEatingBiscuits · 03/02/2023 10:05

11 years between first asking at 4 and having them done at 15.

i wouldn’t allow under 14 for any reason. Our piercers does not pierce anyone under 14 for a start. Even at 15 a parent had to be with them and everyone needed photo ID and endless consent forms.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 03/02/2023 10:07

DD started asking at 9, we said end of primary so waited almost 2 years.

Original poster
AmIreallyBeverly · 03/02/2023 10:07

I have been very honest with my experience and thoughts.

Her dad has been very clear that he doesn't want her to have them done. He seems genuingely concerned that it will lead to extreme body modification. He's normally very sensible/intelligent so I have no idea how he has decided that ear piercings are a "gateway piercing"! Bizarre.

She is otherwise very low maintainance eg very short hair and comfy clothes. I'm not sure she appreciates how much care they take.

We couldn't get them done this summer holidays anyway so it would be when she was at school.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 03/02/2023 10:08

I told DD not to even bother asking until she left Y6.
She chose to have them done when she was 15

Dnadoon · 03/02/2023 10:17

Mine have been asking on and off since year 2, now in year 4 and 5. Going to wait until year 6 holidays.

SpiritedSneeze · 03/02/2023 10:19

Mine asked when she was 8, my friend is an experienced piercer in a tattoo shop, so we went to her and got them done the next week after school, it was near her birthday and the friend did it as a present for her
.
They healed fine- she was sensible enough to do the aftercare. She didn't do any contact sports at the time and liked to wear her hair tied up so I didn't have any concerns about the managemet of them while they healed. She was happy and they look nice.

She got second and third holes put in at 16 - no issues again- they look lovely.

TeddyBeans · 03/02/2023 10:24

I asked to have mine done when I was 4, my sister had had hers done (she was 6) and I wanted them. My mum got them done at the beginning of the summer that year so I was almost 5 by the time I actually had them done. It was not my most sensible decision and I waited until I was 12 to have the second set done 😂

Currently pregnant with DD, if she asks to have hers done I'll probably wait til she's 10/going into high school at the earliest. DP has said he won't allow it before she's an adult and fully responsible for her own body which I think is a bit extreme but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it

Tesoroxx · 03/02/2023 10:26

When they can manage the pain and care for them thereself. my oldest has low pain tolerence and wasn't very independant with self care so she was almost 11 before they were done, but my if my 5 year old asked I would consider in the next year as she could manage them easily so I think it's more the child than the age

imovethestarsforno1 · 03/02/2023 10:26

my ds started asking sept of yr3 i made him wait till the end of the school year to get them done. I didnt fuss about it but did ask every few weeks if he still wanted them doing.

billy1966 · 03/02/2023 10:34

12 here.

A couple of her friends got them done around the same time and one had a really sore ugly ear that need an antibiotic🙄, so we had lots of chats over the following year about it.

As she plays a lot of sport we timed it off hockey season.

There was never an issue, likewise with her sister.

ShittyPeasantsFromHampshire · 03/02/2023 10:37

DP has said he won't allow it before she's an adult and fully responsible for her own body which I think is a bit extreme but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it

Far too controlling. Hopefully she shocks the poor chap by rebelling at 13 and taking herself off for a nose piercing.

GoodChat · 03/02/2023 10:40

Why can't you get them done this summer holidays?

PortiasBiscuit · 03/02/2023 10:42

My girls were done at the beginning of the summer holidays between primary and middle school.
Having them done in the long holidays removes a lot of angst with the school, sports lessons etc.

MermaidEyes · 03/02/2023 10:42

DP has said he won't allow it before she's an adult and fully responsible for her own body which I think is a bit extreme but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it

Girls are fully responsible for their own bodies long before they reach adulthood and your husband needs to know that.
OP, regarding your regretting getting your ears pierced, that's quite a rare reaction and your daughter is unlikely to feel the same. And if she does decide in later life she doesn't want to wear earrings then she'll take them out and let the holes heal.

BodyShapeWoes · 03/02/2023 10:47

@AmIreallyBeverly

Dd said they really weren’t worth the hassle. But she’s the one who begged to have them done 🤷‍♀️ and has been put off other piercings now…it’s an allergy to something in the metal what I’m not sure but I spent £££ before finding the plastic ones

I had issues when I had 4 done at once one got infected so had to take them all out I’ve never had them done again but I di have 3 in one ear and 2 in the other and I had my tragus done at the same time she had her ears done which healed fine.

I rarely wear earrings now my job is site based so it’s not really appropriate

newtowelsplease · 03/02/2023 10:47

As a child I started asking at about 6 or 7. My parents refused until I was 14.

Think that was a bit much personally but I was properly grateful when they finally agreed. Best birthday present I ever got.

AuntieStella · 03/02/2023 10:49

How old is your DD?

I think your DH sounds clueless (rather than controlling)

Children can only have piercings with parental consent - some places will allow self-consent for ear-piercing at 16, but for all other piercings it'll be 18 (by policy for some piercings and by law for others). So she can't get multi-pierced until she's of an age where you can't stop her.

Is a childhood ban (and possibly years of teen resentment) going to make her more or less likely to go and get loads done?

Your DH is being naive to the point of ridiculousness - it's a version, a few years down the line - of non-parents saying "I'd never allow a child of mine too..." and all the parents smile and nod. Hopefully he'll wise up

WaddleAway · 03/02/2023 10:49

My 9 and 7 year olds have been asking for 2 years now but it’s still a no.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 03/02/2023 10:50

Mine started asking at 7. She then wasn't sure until the summer holiday after she was 9. I wanted to make sure she was absolutely sure.

MaverickGooseGoose · 03/02/2023 10:51

Dts started asking from when they were about 7. Had them done for Christmas in y6 so 10. No issues with school as we were back on homeschool then. Never had a problem with them, I've never had a problem with mine either. I got a spider bite piercing six months ago, also all fine.

Lazyladydaisy · 03/02/2023 10:51

My daughter had been asking for 12 months or so at the age of 8. I had agreed straight away and wouldn't have made her wait - but she kept changing her mind as she was worried it would hurt. Maybe watch some videos of piercings being done? Maybe would remove any fad/mind changing worries?
Maybe not be the way everyone would look at it, but piercings don't have to be forever - they will always heal over with no harm done - they aren't really a big thing.

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