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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask DD to attend Guides for a bit longer

66 replies

GuidedOrUnguided · 02/02/2023 18:39

DD is in yr7 and attended Rainbows. She then had to wait a year before she got a chance to join Guides ( she started in September). I asked her if i could try another section of guides out of area but she wanted to attend this one. ( Adding this bit to show how keen she was).

She does extra curricular activities three days a week at school plus a music class on Saturday so she keeps busy. She also attends youth groups two evenings a week ( all her choice. Writing it down makes it seem like quite a lot )

She’s not attended for three consecutive weeks due to being busy at school, illness and family visit. At Guides, she knows a couple of girls from her primary who attend a different secondary school (DD’s school is out of area).

Quite a few of the girls spend the session on their phones, from what i gather so it looks like some are not engaged. Apart from the girls from primary, she hasn’t really made a friend but it’s early days, i suppose.

She’s now saying she doesn’t want to attend.
She’s very sensible and loves getting involved in trying various activities so i usually let her decide but i’m struggling on this because it’s Guides!

I’m tempted to say attend till the end of this term and see how you feel. AIBU?

If she wants to go back, she might have to wait another year!

Yabu- Let her choose to stop now
Yanbu - Let her wait till end of the term to decide

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 02/02/2023 18:40

I honestly can’t understand what possible reason there is to make her continue going OP, let her stop.

Johnnysgirl · 02/02/2023 18:42

Why are you pushing it?

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 02/02/2023 18:42

YABU. It's upto her.

CandyflossKing · 02/02/2023 18:43

As with a lot of things there are great groups and not so great groups. I know she was keen on trying this one however as it hasn't worked out would she be willing to try another?

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 02/02/2023 18:44

Johnnysgirl · 02/02/2023 18:42

Why are you pushing it?

Because its guides! 😂

Guides is shit op. Get her into a decent scout group.

Patbutchersearrings1 · 02/02/2023 18:46

I was made to go until I was 14, it was horrific and it was so embarrassing, I was terrified that someone from school would see me in my uniform in year 9/10! If she says she doesn't want to go I would listen!

AuntyMabelandPippin · 02/02/2023 18:49

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 02/02/2023 18:44

Because its guides! 😂

Guides is shit op. Get her into a decent scout group.

I heartily agree!

bigbabycooker · 02/02/2023 18:53

I'm big on seeing things out usually, but i'd let her not go. Guides is crap, unfortunately, unless you get a really good group that actually does lots of the things that scouts consider run of the mill. I used to go and hated it - I wish i'd been allowed to read in my room instead!! Your DD isn't a girl who does nothing and has no hobbies, so I don't think she needs to be told she has to see it through and really would just let her get on with it - she will have to choose what to prioritise at some point anyway. I'd also praise her for trying it and telling you - I went to guides and some other activities unhappily for years before telling my parents (and I was right, they initially tried to persuade me not to give up, but on reflection probably it looked as if I had attended happily for ages - I had two county level sports and other interests and I really didn't need the extra).

GuidedOrUnguided · 02/02/2023 18:54

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 02/02/2023 18:44

Because its guides! 😂

Guides is shit op. Get her into a decent scout group.

I never went to guides and from the stories i hear, I feel like I missed out so I don’t want her to. She’ll get a chance to have many of the experiences elsewhere though…

The tricky but is she’s not fully sure she wants to stop. I just asked her to consider going till the end of term before deciding and she jumped in with a chirpy “OK” 🤦

I am leaning towards her stopping from now

OP posts:
BetiYeti · 02/02/2023 18:54

My parents made me stay at Brownies and I hated it, all my friends left and I was bored senseless every week. Don’t make your DD go anymore OP.

TeenDivided · 02/02/2023 18:55

She does a lot of other things. She isn't enjoying it. Let her stop.

(And that's before you get into their somewhat dodgy safeguarding policies re mixed sexes on camps.)

AnotherFamilyUpset · 02/02/2023 18:59

I don't think it's a problem to tell her that if she leaves and wants to rejoin there might be a wait and let her decide. She's 11/12 and it's only Guides.

So what if she wants to rejoin and doesn't get a place, she could try Scouts, Rangers (next bit above Guides), cadets (there are emergency service cadets as well as military), St John's Ambulance etc. Maybe she would rather help out at Rainbows when she's old enough (our leaders earn their badges and sew them on their tops too!!). There are loads of 'wholesome' troop-based groups out there and loads of different ways to get involved.

OriginalUsername2 · 02/02/2023 19:00

GuidedOrUnguided · 02/02/2023 18:54

I never went to guides and from the stories i hear, I feel like I missed out so I don’t want her to. She’ll get a chance to have many of the experiences elsewhere though…

The tricky but is she’s not fully sure she wants to stop. I just asked her to consider going till the end of term before deciding and she jumped in with a chirpy “OK” 🤦

I am leaning towards her stopping from now

It’s nothing like it used to be in the good old days. The website makes it seem epic but the reality is a let down in a small town. Girls are bored and yep, on their phones. I imagine the groups in cities with affluent parents are the ones that get to do lots of activities. And they’ve changed the program in recent years.

AnotherFamilyUpset · 02/02/2023 19:04

@GuidedOrUnguided If you feel you've missed out OP, search online for the Rebel Badge Club. It's a badge book for adults; for those of us that either missed out on Scouts/Guides and/or want a challenge to push us out of our comfort zones now. You can even sew badges on a sweatshirt Grin

yoshiblue · 02/02/2023 19:06

Let her stop, sounds like she's got enough on.

I enjoyed guides until year 9, but it was a different era. I'm not interested in guides/scouts for my child, too much connection to god/queen.

yoshiblue · 02/02/2023 19:07

Well it will be the king now!

GuidedOrUnguided · 02/02/2023 19:08

Thank you all very much for your input.
I had completely forgotten about the current mixed sexes issue. Her group never went away overnight when she was at Brownies and the Guides group don’t seem like they’ve any plans like that either.

@AnotherFamilyUpset I wasn’t aware of the other groups, apart from Scouts so those are definitely worth bearing in mind, if she’s interested.

OP posts:
GuidedOrUnguided · 02/02/2023 19:12

OriginalUsername2 · 02/02/2023 19:00

It’s nothing like it used to be in the good old days. The website makes it seem epic but the reality is a let down in a small town. Girls are bored and yep, on their phones. I imagine the groups in cities with affluent parents are the ones that get to do lots of activities. And they’ve changed the program in recent years.

@OriginalUsername2 Ah, that’s a shame.

@AnotherFamilyUpset Rebel Badges, here I come! 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 02/02/2023 19:18

Sounds like its not for her. But she has plenty of other activities.

(DDs Scout group has a phone safe... no phones allowed during the session. Its quite a common rule apparently)

WinnieFosterReads · 02/02/2023 19:21

I voted to keep going till the end of term. For the sole reason that she might be reluctant to go back because she's missed 3 weeks and not because she doesn't like it iyswim. If she can go for another few weeks, she'll know if she really wants to leave or not.

WestBridgewater · 02/02/2023 19:33

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 02/02/2023 18:44

Because its guides! 😂

Guides is shit op. Get her into a decent scout group.

Exactly this 👆

LillyBugg · 02/02/2023 19:36

@Lordofthebutterfloofs got it in one.

I went to Guides and it was SO boring. I moved to scouts at 16. So much fun. Met my now husband. We are now both Scout leaders. Quite literally changed my life.

Obviously it's not the same for everyone!

But seriously OP. Let her stop. What do you think is so fantastic about guides? What is she getting from it that she's not already getting from her multiple other activities?

Isthisexpected · 02/02/2023 19:39

Have you read the threads on here regarding contraception for children on mixed sex overnights if one of the trans girls has a penis?

SheilaWilcox · 02/02/2023 19:40

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 02/02/2023 18:44

Because its guides! 😂

Guides is shit op. Get her into a decent scout group.

I came on to say exactly this! 😂

Guides was shit for my mental health when I was a teen. Thankfully I found Venture Scouts after that and they are now lifelong friends, 30 yrs later.

User963 · 02/02/2023 19:42

Out of interest what is the difference in safeguarding policies between guides mixed sex camps and scouts with both boys and girls in the pack?

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