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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DD to attend Guides for a bit longer

66 replies

GuidedOrUnguided · 02/02/2023 18:39

DD is in yr7 and attended Rainbows. She then had to wait a year before she got a chance to join Guides ( she started in September). I asked her if i could try another section of guides out of area but she wanted to attend this one. ( Adding this bit to show how keen she was).

She does extra curricular activities three days a week at school plus a music class on Saturday so she keeps busy. She also attends youth groups two evenings a week ( all her choice. Writing it down makes it seem like quite a lot )

She’s not attended for three consecutive weeks due to being busy at school, illness and family visit. At Guides, she knows a couple of girls from her primary who attend a different secondary school (DD’s school is out of area).

Quite a few of the girls spend the session on their phones, from what i gather so it looks like some are not engaged. Apart from the girls from primary, she hasn’t really made a friend but it’s early days, i suppose.

She’s now saying she doesn’t want to attend.
She’s very sensible and loves getting involved in trying various activities so i usually let her decide but i’m struggling on this because it’s Guides!

I’m tempted to say attend till the end of this term and see how you feel. AIBU?

If she wants to go back, she might have to wait another year!

Yabu- Let her choose to stop now
Yanbu - Let her wait till end of the term to decide

OP posts:
Paddingtonthebear · 02/02/2023 19:43

I’d let her stop. Our DD got bored of Brownies very quickly age 7/8 years, and none of her friends went on to Guides

FrenchandSaunders · 02/02/2023 19:45

Let her leave, she does lots of other stuff.

Guides depends on who runs it, like a lot of things. My DDs had a couple of fab ladies who did lots of fun things with them each week, plus great camps etc.

CrapBucket · 02/02/2023 19:47

With my DC and hobbies I always said they had to go for as long as I'd committed to pay, ie I'd ask each time subs were due for the term/season.

QueenofLouisiana · 02/02/2023 19:49

I’d also suggests Scout, air cadets, sea scouts….
I gave up guides as at about 13. Went into scouting as a leader and found it wildly different. It’s great for boys and girls.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 02/02/2023 19:52

Patbutchersearrings1 · 02/02/2023 18:46

I was made to go until I was 14, it was horrific and it was so embarrassing, I was terrified that someone from school would see me in my uniform in year 9/10! If she says she doesn't want to go I would listen!

God, this. I used to be mortified if they sent us out orienteering or anything in case I got spotted

Allschoolsareartschools · 02/02/2023 19:54

In my experience girls grow out of Guides really quickly. If she wants to stop I'd definitely let her. I was really surprised phones were allowed during the session.

AnotherFamilyUpset · 02/02/2023 19:55

@GuidedOrUnguided My daughter moved from Guides after a year and went on to join Fire Bridgade Cadets. She loves it (despite not enjoying running around or being outside or getting wet!!). She's learning loads of team/leadership skills (she's now supporting the new intake learning their hose drills) as well as CPR and fire safety stuff. She even supported a 'real' Fire Brigade event at HQ.

Big plus is that our Fire Brigade Cadets is free, they provide the uniform, there's no badges to sew on and they even go on camp in the summer! Loads of support for families needing help affording camp too (cadets did fundraising via car washing on station, bag packing in supermarkets etc).

GoodChat · 02/02/2023 19:56

Guides was shit 15 years ago, I can't imagine it's any better now.

I wish I'd joined Scouts.

redskydelight · 02/02/2023 19:56

It doesn't sounds like a great group if the girls spend most of the time on their phones. Groups do vary a lot!

It also sounds like she does more than enough extra-curricular activties anyway.

12 (which I'm guessing she is, or nearly is) is also the prime age that girls drop out of Guides, so it's not completely unexpected.

She can always go to Ranger later or become a young leader if she rekindles her interest.

redskydelight · 02/02/2023 19:58

User963 · 02/02/2023 19:42

Out of interest what is the difference in safeguarding policies between guides mixed sex camps and scouts with both boys and girls in the pack?

Guides allow boys who identify as girls to share tents/toilet facilities etc.

Boys and girls at a scout camp will have different tents/toilets.

BankOfDave · 02/02/2023 20:03

My DD is in Guides, Y6 and has a great group. Campfires, a weeks camping in the summer, plus doing shows etc. Think it’s v group dependent, no way are they allowed on phones. Don’t expect she’ll want to go as a 14 yo although there are older girls there. She’s lovin’ it for now but the point at which she says she isn’t we’ll stop and that’s that 🤷‍♀️ No idea what you’d want to force this tbh.

waterrat · 02/02/2023 20:08

I wouldnt be happy with a set up where teens were just on phones it sounds poorly run

Cocoandcleo · 02/02/2023 20:12

I used to run a brownie and guide group before the pandemic, now I just help out at a brownie group.

Because I'm interested, what makes guides boring compared to scouts do you think? How different are the activities? Thanks!

DrinkingAllTheGin · 02/02/2023 20:14

A comparison. my local Brownie unit did chocolate tasting recently for an evening activity. Tge same week the cubs were shooting air rifles.

Floralnomad · 02/02/2023 20:17

Whether brownies/ cubs guides/ scouts is boring is purely down to the group and the leaders involved but I would definitely get her to try scouts

Lallyhead1 · 02/02/2023 20:21

Guides is pretty shit op. I used to pretend I was going in and then run around to my friends house for the session then run back before my dad collected me. I was so embarrassed and worried someone would see me. If she wants to leave let her, there's loads of other activities she could do instead

RichardBarrister · 02/02/2023 20:27

User963 · 02/02/2023 19:42

Out of interest what is the difference in safeguarding policies between guides mixed sex camps and scouts with both boys and girls in the pack?

They pretend to the parents that there are no boys present, do not make any provision for separate sleeping or toilet arrangements.

They also allow male adults to identify as female leaders with no further safeguarding provision.

They thought it perfectly suitable to employ a trans identifying male who posted pictures on social media posing in hotel corridors in lingerie and with a machine gun. He has now left GG and has apparently joined the Scouts.

They forced out two female Guide leaders of many years standing because they raised concerns about safeguarding - one of them, Katie Alcock has been on Mumsnet to tell her story.

evemillbank · 02/02/2023 20:30

Oh just let her stop if she wants to!

Cocoandcleo · 02/02/2023 20:31

DrinkingAllTheGin · 02/02/2023 20:14

A comparison. my local Brownie unit did chocolate tasting recently for an evening activity. Tge same week the cubs were shooting air rifles.

Interesting...I'm trying not to defend Girlguiding too much as I know it definitely has its faults but a lot of it also comes down to how much more money/volunteers/knowledge scouts has vs Girlguiding. Also I guess it depends what you're into, I would deffo have preferred doing chocolate tasting when I was younger compared to shooting an air rifle haha

DrinkingAllTheGin · 02/02/2023 20:32

I deliberately didn't comment on which was the better activity!

moggerhanger · 02/02/2023 20:33

Swap to Scouts. Our Scout group has taken in several refugees from Rainbows/Brownies/Guides over the last few years, and they've all enjoyed it enough to stay.

MajorCarolDanvers · 02/02/2023 20:35

Guides may not be for her. She could try switching to scouts.

moggerhanger · 02/02/2023 20:39

redskydelight · 02/02/2023 19:58

Guides allow boys who identify as girls to share tents/toilet facilities etc.

Boys and girls at a scout camp will have different tents/toilets.

Show quote history

There won't necessarily be separate tents for boys/girls in Scouts/Cubs/Beavers. That's usually the aim but there will be cases where it might not be the best thing to do (e.g. an expedition camp where there's only one girl). Scout Association guidance says "Yes they can [i.e. share accommodation]. This is subject to the Risk Assessment of the Nights Away Permit holder. The Nights Away Permit holder has the ultimate responsibility for the event so it will be their decision. However, this decision must take into consideration the views of the young people and the views of the parents, and give the parents the opportunity to voice any concerns they may have. The NAP holder and/or Leader in Charge must also consider that different age groups may present different issues and this must be taken into account when accommodation is being arranged." There must also be separate changing and toilet facilities - no sharing there.

CoffeeWithCheese · 02/02/2023 20:40

moggerhanger · 02/02/2023 20:33

Swap to Scouts. Our Scout group has taken in several refugees from Rainbows/Brownies/Guides over the last few years, and they've all enjoyed it enough to stay.

Groups vary so much - unfortunately mine went to a pretty crappy Rainbows group where they could only really cope with the quiet girls who wanted to sit and colour in - and DD1 in particular really was not a good fit, which is fine and I was happy to back the leaders up, but it got into quite a cycle of her being judged much more harshly than other girls.

Transferred over to Beavers - then Cubs and now Scouts and it's a much better fit for her and she loves going (and not a phone is seen during the meetings). I was gutted because I'd gone to an amazing Guide group (I still chat to the leader when I run into her when I'm at home at my mum's) and wanted the same for her - but our local one has really just got into quite a rut - and I think the organisation at large has kind of lost its way a bit too.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/02/2023 20:44

If she didn’t have other extra curricular activities I’d get your point OP- but she’s heavily booked, clearly is happy to stay at things when happy. Id let it go.