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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cancelled DC tonsillectomy because of my anxiety.

106 replies

TonsilTwister · 02/02/2023 18:29

Of course I'm being unreasonable. But I'm also terrified.

It's feels like an unnecessary operation, he's not had tonsillitis this winter season so far, but has had swollen glands a few times.

Doctor advised to wait a year to see if he grew out of it. Family are saying to have them whipped out so he doesn't suffer in future.

So as not to drip feed, we've had a lot of loss in the past few years, it's affected me hugely, grief and anxiety with medical settings, and I'm scared to death of losing only DC. I usually manage well, being offered an appointment had set me off on a spiral.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Technonan · 02/02/2023 18:33

Unless your doctor advises you strongly to have them removed, don't. It's very painful, and often unnecessary. Wait and see is by far the best approach.

Wheezymilkshake · 02/02/2023 18:34

Hi OP. I’ve never had tonsillitis or any tonsil problems so I can’t comment personally on what it’s like, but I had friends who had tonsils removed in childhood and it was apparently as routine as a childhood operation can be. Not without risks of course but overall a quick recovery and worthwhile. On the other hand, I knew of someone who has their tonsils removed in adulthood after they didn’t get them removed as a child. The recovery was utterly horrific. The back of their throat was just a swamp of blood, pus and infection and they were in agony for weeks. Perhaps an extreme example but I’ve definitely heard that it’s a much quicker recovery in childhood

as far as I’ve heard from others, the guidelines for tonsil removal is quite high now, so if your DS qualifies to have them removed he must have had a lot of tonsillitis? I understand you’re anxious so maybe it would be best to talk through your concerns with whoever has recommended him for the operation and they might be able to help and answer your questions.

WindowsSmindows · 02/02/2023 18:34

The doctor abused you to wait a year.
So wait.

Wheezymilkshake · 02/02/2023 18:35

Or maybe speak to other parents with DC who have had tonsillectomy’s to see what they say? As I said, I’ve never had it before so I don’t have an opinion on what you should do either way, but hopefully someone on here will be more knowledgeable than me. Best of luck to you and your DS whatever decision you go for 👍

Wheezymilkshake · 02/02/2023 18:36

Apologies I misread that the doctor advised you to wait a year. If that’s what they advised, that’s personally what I would be doing.

LilLilLi · 02/02/2023 18:36

Hi OP.

My son had his tonsils out when he was 4, like you I had suffered a loss just before and it was a sudden traumatic loss. I was terrified and seeing my son go under anaesthetic was awful - one minute they’re awake and the next their eyes roll and they’re under. It wasn’t a nice experience, but my sons health improved no end after the operation.

Only you can decide how much this is affecting your child, but there is no harm in waiting a year if that’s what the doctor has advised x

Epicstorm · 02/02/2023 18:37

How old is DC.

Depending on age I would ask what they wanted to do. Explain what doctor advised and ask if DC if they want to wait or have tonsils out soonest.

If they’re very young I’d let them have surgery anyway as I’ve never heard of anyone growing out of it. Maybe someone who has may tell you different.

irisgoogoo · 02/02/2023 18:37

How old is DC!

irisgoogoo · 02/02/2023 18:38

*?

watchfulwishes · 02/02/2023 18:39

I would follow medical advice, never relatives. If your doctor says wait a year, then wait a year.

bellac11 · 02/02/2023 18:40

You can still get throat infections after having your tonsils out, they are there to protect you.

Minfilia · 02/02/2023 18:40

I had monthly bouts of tonsillitis as a teen (and several as a child). It was awful. However, I didn’t have them removed and I haven’t had tonsillitis since I was 17 (I’m now 37!)

The flip side however is my friend who also has bouts of tonsillitis/Quincy had to eventually have them removed at 27.

Without meaning to put ideas in your head, is the worry that something is going to go wrong? Because it’s statistically very safe.

But it may or may not be needed so honestly I would monitor it as the GP says before rushing to potentially unnecessary surgery.

IDontCareMatthew · 02/02/2023 18:42

I'd go ahead

Who knows how bad the NHS will get from this point?

MajorCarolDanvers · 02/02/2023 18:42

Get it done. It's a far more serious and painful procedure for adults.

If you've got the opportunity now then go for it.

PicaK · 02/02/2023 18:42

I've had tonsillitis repeatedly as a child. It was awful. Straight after the op at 19 I was munching on cornflakes cos it wasn't as bad as the previous sore throats. So I was going to say yabu.
But. You've had losses. You don't need this right now. Even GP has said it can wait. Regroup and have it done later.

Ultraninja · 02/02/2023 18:42

YANBU because you're following the doctor's advice.

VanCleefArpels · 02/02/2023 18:43

As someone who had them out as an adult I’d say jump at the chance to get them whipped out when DC is young. Use the waiting time to research what’s involved, and after care but you wouldn’t get an appointment for an operation if a medical professional thought it unnecessary

watchfulwishes · 02/02/2023 18:43

IDontCareMatthew · 02/02/2023 18:42

I'd go ahead

Who knows how bad the NHS will get from this point?

If we are operating on this principle I shall see if I can get a appendectomy and a hysterectomy done now, just in case Grin

Yumchips · 02/02/2023 18:44

Not suggesting you need to have the op but my child, 5, has just had it done and it was so amazingly straight forward and easy recovery. Her health is miles better, no more sleep apnoea and she eats way more food. So it's been worth it to us but obviously if you child doesn't need it or isn't suffering then wait. But just wanted to reassure you that we've had a really positive experience.

BashfulClam · 02/02/2023 18:44

Listen to your Dr I know two stories of serious side effects that I won’t scare you with. Wait and see if it’s needed. I had recurrent tonsillitis and grew out of it.

Piratesue · 02/02/2023 18:44

My son had his out at 9 and all was fine. He had tonsillitis a few times but kept getting a really high temp with it so doctor advised them to come out.
He actually had tonsillitis when they came out bit otherwise he wouldn't have even been overnight.

vintagechristmas · 02/02/2023 18:45

My little boy it done this year at just turned 3. They used a laser procedure. It was so, so easy. Less than an hour after the op he was running around as normal and recovery was so easy. He was back at nursery after a week. We've had no regrets at all.

IntentionalError · 02/02/2023 18:47

Follow the doctor’s advice. Ignore your family.

IDontCareMatthew · 02/02/2023 18:48

@watchfulwishes not quite the same

But I guess she can always,in the future, pay privately and hope the wait list is small

Tinkerbyebye · 02/02/2023 18:51

Harsh as this may sound you need to get a grip, either through counselling, or talking to someone or just stopping

you are putting your own fears above the health of your child, and that’s very selfish of you

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