To have cancelled DC tonsillectomy because of my anxiety.

[TonsilTwister]

Of course I'm being unreasonable. But I'm also terrified.

It's feels like an unnecessary operation, he's not had tonsillitis this winter season so far, but has had swollen glands a few times.

Doctor advised to wait a year to see if he grew out of it. Family are saying to have them whipped out so he doesn't suffer in future.

So as not to drip feed, we've had a lot of loss in the past few years, it's affected me hugely, grief and anxiety with medical settings, and I'm scared to death of losing only DC. I usually manage well, being offered an appointment had set me off on a spiral.

What would you do?

Sorry this isn't relevant at ALL but please tell
Me your username is from
'I don't care Matthew you can make your own pissing dinner' on Tiktok 😂😂😂😂😂

But you're not? Your doctor has said it can wait. Your child hasn't been ill this winter. Why would you listen to your family over your doctor - are they medical professionals?

How did he get a surgery referral contrary to the doctors advice?

I hope you find the courage to have it done whilst your child is young. I had my tonsils out at 18 because my employer was unhappy I was having so much time off because of tonsilitis/quinsy. When I came round I didn't get any ice cream, I was given toast, it was like swallowing broken glass! The worst pain was the corners of my mouth, which had been split - I have a very wide mouth, no idea how they did it.

My ds had his removed at the age of 5 (now 17), we had just lost our 4 year old niece and as I also suffer anxiety I was in such a state. He absolutely needed them removed though as his tonsils were so large they were causing sleep apnea. The op was so quick and so to was his recovery. He never had tonsillitis or breathing issues again. It is such a worry when they need an op but if it’s causing you so much anguish and the doctor says watch and wait then maybe wait a year or so? My dd had massive tonsils but as she grew they stayed the same size and she never had any issues.

Both my dc had it done aged 4 and 5. Both were so ill all the time and it was impacting every area of their lives. Older ds had adenoids and crommets at the same time. Both had an overnight stay snd recovered very quickly. The hospital was so good each time. It changed their lives, they were hardly ever ill and stopped being tired all the time. Do what is advised by the doctor but for us it was positive.

Who's 'your doctor '? If you've had a surgery referral and a date has come through then that is what the doctor has recommended. Why are you saying different to this?

I suffered from tonsilitis all the time as a child and teen, but haven't had it for years. If the doctor advised waiting a year then that's what I would do - it's nothing to do with family.

Was the appointment just to see the ENT consultant? They are very very reluctant to take tonsils out as a rule and the waiting list is usually massive so you'd probably be waiting more like 18 months if the consultant agrees it.

Sorry, to clarify, the doctor advised we wait a year when he was put on the waiting list for the op when we were at very recurrent tonsillitis stage (it was every 4-6 weeks) to see if he grew out of it. It's been much less whilst we've been on the waiting list. Only a couple of infections since.

He's been on the waiting list for over a year and he's at the top of the list now. We've been offered the op twice, if I refuse/ask to reschedule again, he'll be removed from the waiting list.

He's 6 and has sensory issues and is under investigation for ASD.

My son has sleep apnoea due to oversized tonsils and adenoids. I’d kill for him to have his tonsils and adenoids out, he and I are both exhausted because he wakes so much and has teeth issues and all sorts. My doctor told me they very rarely grow out of it, so my hope there is lost. Only you can decide what’s best for your child, but as the wife and mother of people with sleep apnoea, tonsils are really problematic. You need to do what’s best for your child. Adults don’t get the same removal luxury, my husband suffers very badly from his.

YABU as a parent you have to put your own feelings aside and do what’s best for your child.

Have you find research into it?
It’s a very straightforward OP?

So a year/18m or so ago when we had the ENT referral come through the doctor who did the appointment checked DS over and said he'd put him on the waiting list, but if an appointment came up sooner than expected, to delay and see if he grew out of it.

One didn't come up, it's now been over a year, he's at the top of the list with fewer than usual episodes of tonsillitis and I'm having a nervous breakdown at the idea of him having an operation that isn't completely necessary in case he dies.

YABU

We paid for ds to have this done privately when he was about 4 because he couldn’t have it on the NHS until he was much older and had been I’ll more times. It was transformative. No more tonsillitis, sleep apnoea, snoring.

I finally got to the point where I went to the doctor to get my son's frequent tonsillitis logged with a tonsillectomy in mind, that was the last time he ever had it. Tonsils are there for a reason. Don't get them removed unless it's really necessary.

In the nicest possible way YABU

Nowadays a tonsillectomy is not an easy appointment to get, you have to be really suffering to qualify so the fact your son was even on the list as a young child shows that it is something that is badly affecting his health. Also from every person I've known whose had it the general consensus has been that kids bounce back quicker and with less issues whereas the older you have the surgery the more difficult and painful the recovery is.

I am mid 30s and had my tonsils and adenoids out when I was about 5/6 because I had frequent ENT issues, tonsillitis etc and back in the 90s they were still willing to do it to pretty much anyone ... I don't remember the surgery but I do remember being in hospital and not wanting to go home because I was allowed multiple ice lollies and ice cream every day and I didn't want to leave! Since then I've never had issues with sore throats or coughs/colds unless there's been a bug going round and I've caught it.

Both my parents had their tonsils removed and it hasn’t affected them one bit in their 65 years or so since.

When I was young, it was gutted mine never got done, as seemingly everyone in primary school had them out. I was surprised when I had kids of my own that it’s no longer the norm.

Doesn't sound like recurring tonsillitis is an issue anymore and he has grown out of it as hoped. What does doctor recommend now?

I had mine out at 24 after years and years of terrible tonsillitis and Quincy. It was amazing, after a couple of days I felt better than I could ever remember feeling. Felt like I lost lots of my childhood and fun years to being ill.

One of my 20's kids is on a waiting list having twice been admitted as tonsils were so swollen she was struggling to breath. Had to have intravenous antibiotics for days as an inpatient.

Some kids grow out of it but some get worse and worse

This in spades.

I would go with doctors advise and sure I would be nervous but I would not let any issues I had affect my child like that

I would get some CBT for myself and then revisit the question.

I have had CBT recently. It's more problematic for me as my other two died because of my failings. They were ill in utero and we lost them both in pregnancy/shortly after birth (TFMR) so a whole world of horrors that we went through twice, with miscarriages in between. So it's, in essence, the "having a choice" that I can't get past.

I think I'll try and get in touch with the ENT department and have a conversation, they may decide he doesn't need them out anymore. If they recommend still having the operation then I'll have been advised.

I'm against unnecessary medical procedures, not sure I'm following this, but I think OP is saying the lad is much less bothered recently, anyway. Seems like no brainer to wait and see.