To have cancelled DC tonsillectomy because of my anxiety.

[TonsilTwister]

Of course I'm being unreasonable. But I'm also terrified.

It's feels like an unnecessary operation, he's not had tonsillitis this winter season so far, but has had swollen glands a few times.

Doctor advised to wait a year to see if he grew out of it. Family are saying to have them whipped out so he doesn't suffer in future.

So as not to drip feed, we've had a lot of loss in the past few years, it's affected me hugely, grief and anxiety with medical settings, and I'm scared to death of losing only DC. I usually manage well, being offered an appointment had set me off on a spiral.

What would you do?

Was in a similar position and decided to wait as my DC we had a whole winter with no infections then perhaps once a year so not bad. Also had a friend who has a very bad experience with having tonsils out so that made me pretty nervous. Now at uni and it seems to be a problem again, added to this the tonsils are very scarred from previous infections so food gets trapped leading to risk of more infections. So I do regret it now as it is likely that the wait will be longer.

You can't project your anxiety onto others, if he requires to operation then allow him to have the treatment.
You need to rationalise the risks, there are far greater ones you expose yourselves to daily like getting in a car.
You should try and get some help to reduce your anxiety an improve your life going forward.

I'm very sorry for your losses. Have you sought counselling for the anxiety you are suffering because it may be helpful as situations like this will reoccur as your son gets older.

The doctors have advised your son has his tonsils removed to protect his health. They wouldn't do it if it wasn't necessary. You've had the 1 year wait and your son is still having issues - by the sounds of it tonsillitis twice and more minor issues a few times. Talk it through with his doctors but they will probably suggest he still has the surgery given his history and ongoing issues. It's not OK to deny him the medical treatment he needs because of your anxiety. Please get help with this.

My child suffered many times a year with tonsillitus from about 18 months-4 years old. It was terrible but we were never offered a tonsillectomy. Then it all just stopped.
I'd honestly take the advice to wait longer if I were you.
And you have every right to be concerned for your child. Any operation carries risks.

I would wait a year and see.
Xxxx

Never doubt you maternal instinct. If you dont want your son to have this operation then don't. You know.

Especially so if he hasnt been ill recently, I would be very hesitant to have any part of my child's body cut off, unless absolutely necessary x

Seriously though if you don't allow him to have this operation a safeguarding will be opened. You can't just refuse an op on behalf of your child and expect no one to take any action. That would be very negligent of the staff, so they will investigate this.

Yabu because it’s SO much easier for kids to have them out when they’re young. It’s a very standard low risk procedure, he’ll be fine and out the same day most likely.

What utter shit. You're his mother of course you can make decisions for your child's healthcare.

There is potential he has built up an immunity to what was causing the illnessess in the first place, and now he may no longer need it. Maybe explain to them that you want to see if it recurrs before you cut out his tonsils

My mum did the same. Refused to let me have them out.

Years of illness followed and a very horrible removal when I was 28.

My nephew had them out at 8. He was absolutely fine and recovered in 3 days.

I’d have gone ahead , my sisters and I all had ours removed for recurrent tonsillitis when we were 4/5 . My son didn’t have any issues until he was about 15 and then he was on antibiotics every month for tonsillitis and had his tonsils out when he was 17 , he then had a post op bleed and ended up back in hospital on IV antibiotics - it’s much easier having them out as a child .

We just paid £3000 for dd21 to get tonsils out privately cis NHS wouldn’t do it. She had awful tonsil stones. Definitely let it be done for your child while they are young and it is free and available. Do you have to watch them going under? Can dh not go instead of you? I have to say I had anxiety about it too but it was quick and easy.

Safeguarding will be opened?

There speaks someone who has neither been a nurse or a social worker snd has no idea what safeguarding means/works!

Op by all means wait and be guided by your GP

That’s not empathetic or helpful. In the slightest.
ESPECIALLY to someone who has diagnosed anxiety.
I know this from personal experience.

OP.. definitely do what you have been advised. And wait it out. The Specialists say this for a reason and because they know what they are talking about - they are medically trained and qualified.

My DS was seven years old when he had his tonsils removed and his adenoids ( and grommets fitted at the same time).
It wasn’t a pleasant experience for him at all and the aftermath was problematic.

I, like you, suffer with anxiety. I can’t work because of mine and this was agonising from start to finish. Except he needed it and was put on the list as a priority.

You have been advised to wait it out so my suggestion is that you do that.

In the meantime, please do access some
support for your anxiety. I know what a debilitating and shit thing it is and how poorly it makes you feel. Please do speak to your doctor about it.

Good luck 💕

My son had his tonsils and adenoids removed when he was 5. He was suffering from sleep apnoea because of how enlarged they were.

His operation lasted under an hour. He was a bit sleepy for half an hour afterwards then he ate two packed lunches and went home a couple of hours later.

he needed calpol for two days after his op and I kept him indoors for about a week although he probably didn’t need it.

Since his op, he can breathe properly, no sore throats, no sleep problems, improved specs and swallowing. I am so glad he had it done.

I’d wait a year.
My whole attitude towards tonsillectomies comes from reading the observations of a coroner a number of years ago. A very healthy child had the op merely as a prophylactic measure and something went wrong and he died. Coroner stated that the op should be avoided unless really necessary. There are risks to everything and but sometimes the risk isn’t worth it. If you find in a year’s time your DC continues to suffer then you know you can justify the op.
Having said that, I know your nervousness as my DC needed several ops as a young child and I was in pieces even though I was told there was scarcely any risk.

This would be funny if it wasnt so ignorant. Shut up for gods sake you're embarrassing yourself.

Yeh agree with this. Op doesn’t need the added stress and shit of this .

This is our experience too but DC was 4. He came home from the hospital same day and ate an adult size portion of spag bol. They advised us too keep him off school for 3 days, which we did, but honestly he could have gone in the next day. He’s a new child - no snoring, better sleep, better concentration and no tonsillitis since.

You could also look at what the underlying cause may be? An imunne system problem? Improve your childs gut flora. This also has links to helping other mental health problems x

I am sorry for your loss.

I think you are being extremely unreasonable.

NHS don’t do unnecessary ops. He wouldn’t be on the list unless it was necessary.

Tonsillitis is awful, why would you risk him getting it again when there is a solution that fixes it? Yes there will be some pain, but it’s short lived and should be a one off verses no op and potentially multiple bouts of tonsillitis followed by a longer wait for referral and surgery. Yes there is a risk with surgery, but they wouldn’t do it without good reason.

(written as a parent of DC who has ASD and has had a tonsillectomy.)

I had mine out years ago when I was 17..I had recurring tonsillitis one bout after another.

It was sore for a few days after, much like the tonsillitis bouts but never looked back.

What complete bollocks. It's not life threatening, it's completely optional and the doctor had already said "wait and see". If it was actively still affecting his health then maybe it would be pushed but realistically the conversation would go

"Hello, we'd like to offer you this date for your child's tonsillectomy"
"Hello, no thank you, please offer it to someone else, we've decided to not go ahead "
"Ok, he will be removed from the waiting list, is that ok with you?"
"Yes, no problem, thank you for your time "

And then he would be removed from the waiting list.

Absolutely nobody is going to phone social services because an otherwise completely physically healthy child has grown out of tonsillitis which would be backed up with medical records to show the reduction in occurrences.

I had to fight so hard to get my child’s tonsillectomy. He was suffering constant bouts of tonsillitis and in between infections he could barely sleep due to the apnoea. Post surgery he is a completely different child.

i had frequent tonsillitis during primary years. It seemed to have disappeared until my 20s. Then I developed a antibiotics resistant infection shortly after the birth of my child. I can’t even remember the his first year well as I was in and out of hospital. I wish my mum had just fought to get them removed as a child. As an adult the recovery process can be worse and I had some temporary nerve damage. In comparison my child was completely fine after 10 days and it was a breeze for them.