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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is our childcare provider being reasonable?

87 replies

tiredbuthappy86 · 02/02/2023 11:48

Have 2DC under 3y in childcare. #3 on the way, planning to go to DMIL on the other side of UK for 4 weeks after delivery to get help. Nursery said we can either pay for the full month or they'll cancel their places and we'd be on their v long waitlist. AIBU expecting some kind of compromise which isn't paying for a month of childcare just to secure our place? In the mean time I've found this service Poppet which has just launched locally, what do people think of these sorts of apps for finding childcare, heard mixed things about Bubble.
Post edited by MNHQ

OP posts:
RocketPanda · 02/02/2023 13:10

If you want to advertise @tiredbuthappy86 just contact MNHQ, no need to make up stories.

Moonlightsonatas · 02/02/2023 13:11

You need to apply for Maternity Allowance asap

BookmarkReportSave · 02/02/2023 13:11

Christ @tiredbuthappy86 There are millions of us who didn't have any help from the government or our families on low wages who managed to bring up our children
You appear to think you are hard done by. The world doesn't owe you

Coffeellama · 02/02/2023 13:18

tiredbuthappy86 · 02/02/2023 12:11

@Coffeellama That's strange for me it let me download an app and search rather than a waiting list, maybe depends on where you're based? I looked at care.com and bubble.com but I didn't like the fact they don't do any background checks you're expected to vet them yourself. This one they do a DBS and first-aid training etc. The carers are mostly other families/mums as well which seems good.

No I didn’t download the app or enter my postcode, it says as soon as you click the link ‘join the waiting list’, is this site your business or something? Childcare.com tell you what qualifications people have and they only say people have dbs etc once they’ve verified it. It’s the original version of what you’ve shared basically so still worth a look if you are looking at those sorts of sites.

Original poster
tiredbuthappy86 · 02/02/2023 13:18

OMG super easy to say it's easy to 'put them in childcare'. When you have to travel across a city on public transport with newborn and 2 toddlers twice a day to get them there and back, not that easy postpartum.

Honestly, I've avoided social media for this very reason but didn't realise that this is what mumsnet is like. @Cnidarian good to know, maybe will read a bit more before writing again!

OP posts:
GoodChat · 02/02/2023 13:19

tiredbuthappy86 · 02/02/2023 13:18

OMG super easy to say it's easy to 'put them in childcare'. When you have to travel across a city on public transport with newborn and 2 toddlers twice a day to get them there and back, not that easy postpartum.

Honestly, I've avoided social media for this very reason but didn't realise that this is what mumsnet is like. @Cnidarian good to know, maybe will read a bit more before writing again!

Why are they in such unsuitable childcare? Is there nothing closer? Can your husband not take them for a few weeks?

Scienceadvisory · 02/02/2023 13:22

Is this post just an advertisement for that company?

There's no reason for the nursery to give you a discount. And you don't need to go to your mil. Stay home, keep the older 1 in nursery and then you've got all day with the newborn. That's far easier than traipsing you all to your mil's house.

Childre · 02/02/2023 13:24

You need to pay the fee, BUT Mumsnet is ruthless for shit like this, people can be so horrible instead of just giving their opinion.

HistoryFanatic · 02/02/2023 13:25

They are a business so YABU. Did you take the cost of childcare into consideration with the current pregnancy?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2023 13:26

I agrée with others that nursery is a business etc so won’t revisit that.

It just seems madness to go to DMIL. Will make life harder rather than easier. Will be rough on your older two at the time when they most need stability to be away from friends and routine, away from all their toys etc

Presumably if there’s a DMIL there’s a DH (or DW?). He’s the primary person who should support you outside of working hours: can he not manage some of the nursery runs?

If you have space for DMIL to stay, can you not get an Au pair or mothers help, if your DH really can’t do any of it? Au pairs should have continuous sole care of little ones (we were told they couldn’t look after under 2s) but could do nursery runs, and could help with the kids in the house whilst you are there.

monitor1 · 02/02/2023 13:26

Presumably you're proposing that the nursery don't pay the staff who look after your kids while they're away, and withhold part of their energy bills/mortgage etc? don't be ridiculous, of course you need to pay.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2023 13:26

Also bonkers to be away from DH in that first month or so

NerrSnerr · 02/02/2023 13:26

Personally I would just put a hold on the mother in law. Will it be a help having the children in an unfamiliar environment? Will your husband have paternity leave? I'd use that time to find your feet (and he can drop the others in childcare) and then after then could he do drop offs and/ or pick ups to make things easier?

Liorae · 02/02/2023 13:31

GCWorkNightmare · 02/02/2023 12:13

Surely it’s easier for MIL to come to you?!

Not for DMIL. But I guess her ease doesn't count.

AnotherAppleThief · 02/02/2023 13:33

Why do people have more children than they can cope with or afford? This fake scenario is bonkers.

Newrider · 02/02/2023 13:33

Genuinely baffled by this whole thread

Why do you keep linking to websites?

Why haven't you addressed being directly asked if it is your website you've done a poor job of sleuth advertising here

I can't imagine MIL wants to care for you and all your kids, she is doing you a favour

If you can't afford nursery fees / don't want to pay them stop having them? Or keep them at home then?

DH could pick up the slack.

HistoryFanatic · 02/02/2023 13:33

Haha avoiding the advertising question nicely!

Rauha · 02/02/2023 13:35

I'd avoid Poppet if I were you, OP. Those glowing reviews seem fake. Here is Poppet's uploaded image of 'Daisy' whose review said 'I feel so supported'. That's not a parent called Daisy. That's a stock image taken from the internet, which you can see here.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/02/2023 13:38

That wasn't as smooth as you thought it was, OP.

IneedanewTV · 02/02/2023 13:42

tiredbuthappy86 · 02/02/2023 12:48

Jeez - new to mumsnet as a friend recommended for advice/support but didn't realise it was like this!

I totally get that nurseries are running a business. I guess it's just that fundamentally paying £150 a day for the two kids in nursery is just really hard as we don't qualify for any support (and @Ohdearnotagain76 been told I don't qualify for maternity leave as they said my previous maternity leave meant my working hours are not enough in the test perioud for me to qualify).

We continued to pay throughout COVID in full even when they closed due to staffing, outbreaks etc. I wasn't saying we wouldn't pay anything. I just thought their response of being stuck at the end of a 12 month waiting list when DCs have been there for so long seemed a bit harsh. I wish the government would do more but doesn't seem that's happening any time soon.

We're working on negotiations with the DMIL!

Wait until your kids go to university and you have to pay landlords for 52 weeks when the students are there for less than 40 weeks! Kids don’t get any cheaper as they get older!

Activelyannoyed · 02/02/2023 13:43

It’s not really the way it works, you book a place and then just pay for what you use. You’d have signed a contract which acknowledged that.

personslly I’d stay put and use the child care.

misslonglegs · 02/02/2023 13:47

This is bloody hilarious

Suedomin · 02/02/2023 13:57

I'm.a bit confused about that website. Are the caregivers Ofsted registered? If not then they are operating illegally. If they are then all councils will have a list of Ofsted registered child carers
Or is it just for babysitters for very short term care? if so I'm not sure how many parents would be happy for their child to be looked after by someone they don't know

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2023 13:58

It might be easier for MIL to stay at home but not sure it’ll be that much easier - she’ll then basically be hosting for weeks on end, with children underfoot all day, rather than just helping out a bit. Whereas at OP’s she can take the bigger ones to nursery and have a reasonably quiet day with OP and baby.

Is there a FIL who doesn’t want her to go?Or is your DH cherishing the idea of the house all to himself? He seems like the only winner from the “all go to MIL’s” plan.

dottiedodah · 02/02/2023 14:09

TBH many of us have babies and manage, without rocking up to MIL (who presumably is getting on a bit) with 2 small DC and a young baby! Im not surprised she isnt keen on coming to you! Not meaning to sound rude but you sound somewhat entitled .Wanting help for a month from someone in their 60s or 70s and a free month from Nursery FFS!