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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is our childcare provider being reasonable?

87 replies

tiredbuthappy86 · 02/02/2023 11:48

Have 2DC under 3y in childcare. #3 on the way, planning to go to DMIL on the other side of UK for 4 weeks after delivery to get help. Nursery said we can either pay for the full month or they'll cancel their places and we'd be on their v long waitlist. AIBU expecting some kind of compromise which isn't paying for a month of childcare just to secure our place? In the mean time I've found this service Poppet which has just launched locally, what do people think of these sorts of apps for finding childcare, heard mixed things about Bubble.
Post edited by MNHQ

OP posts:
ladymacbeth · 02/02/2023 12:20

This is clearly just an advert for that website Hmm

R0ckets · 02/02/2023 12:22

tiredbuthappy86 · 02/02/2023 12:18

@SoftSheen @GCWorkNightmare Oh we've asked her! She's doing us a favour (in her view) as it is.

So say no? Hmm

You going to her is madness. Leave the poor kids in child care so they have a familiar routine, stay at home so you all have your own comforts and then the whole situation becomes completely null and void.

GoodChat · 02/02/2023 12:22

It'll be much easier to put the kids in childcare and stay home than it will to travel across the country with all 3 for a month.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/02/2023 12:22

well if so it's a bad advert, who the hell lets any random person look after their child based on the only qualification being they are a parent.

SuperDuperJezebel · 02/02/2023 12:24

This is definitely not an ad for your new website/app 👀

Also I work through bubble and had to upload my passport, DBS, driver's license, and give contact to 2 references so I'm not sure what you mean about them not doing background checks.

Cornelious2011 · 02/02/2023 12:25

It's fair that you should pay. They can't afford to lose 2 x nursery fees when they could fill that space.

I don't get how it's easier/helpful/ more restful for you to go to MIL's with 3 dc with you full time instead of being at home with 2 dc going ti nursery and you have large chunks of time with baby?

massivesalads · 02/02/2023 12:27

Shameless advertising😂😂😂

littlepammie70 · 02/02/2023 12:27

The nursery still have the same overheads. If they can fill the place from their waiting list they can't then turn the child away once you want the place back.

afinishedkiss · 02/02/2023 12:28

Why do you need to go to MIL after the birth?

R0ckets · 02/02/2023 12:29

massivesalads · 02/02/2023 12:27

Shameless advertising😂😂😂

If it's an advert you'd think they would come up with a more logical situation than having to drag 3 tiny children to the other side of the country. The whole thing makes zero sense.

AnotherAppleThief · 02/02/2023 12:29

Childminders and nurseries are already dbs checked and first aid trained and verified by ofsted. Why would you need this cheap looking website that you've made to do this for parents? Surely it would only be relevant for babysitters and nannies in that case?

Dinosaurpoopy · 02/02/2023 12:29

You pay to have a space available, if you don't use it that's on you I'm afraid! DH struggles to get his head round it too when DS is sick and we don't get a refund..

Paturday · 02/02/2023 12:34

Just pay it, but also surely MIL comes to you. Would be nightmare to be anywhere but home with newborn for the first couple of weeks!

youshouldnthaveasked · 02/02/2023 12:36

I think you should just stay home and tell mil you don’t need any help. She’s not doing you a favour she’s giving you a headache

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 02/02/2023 12:39

Of course it's reasonable. They could fill the spaces tomorrow and are a business. Having clicked your link. But I have used sitters.com for ad hoc sitting and found them excellent. Would never be a substitute for nursery though so don't quite see the link..

unfortunateevents · 02/02/2023 12:39

I'm not clicking on that website (and it is very suspiciously placed completely irrelevantly on your post) but why on earth would you need to travel to the other side of the country for a month for your MIL to help after giving birth? Your other children will be much happier at home in familiar surroundings and continuing to go to nursery while you establish a routine with no 3. Uprooting everyone to another house and having all three to look after all day (when they could be out of the house at nursery) is ridiculous? And where is your husband - is he taking a month off? In which case, why are you not utilising him at home?

Original poster
tiredbuthappy86 · 02/02/2023 12:48

Jeez - new to mumsnet as a friend recommended for advice/support but didn't realise it was like this!

I totally get that nurseries are running a business. I guess it's just that fundamentally paying £150 a day for the two kids in nursery is just really hard as we don't qualify for any support (and @Ohdearnotagain76 been told I don't qualify for maternity leave as they said my previous maternity leave meant my working hours are not enough in the test perioud for me to qualify).

We continued to pay throughout COVID in full even when they closed due to staffing, outbreaks etc. I wasn't saying we wouldn't pay anything. I just thought their response of being stuck at the end of a 12 month waiting list when DCs have been there for so long seemed a bit harsh. I wish the government would do more but doesn't seem that's happening any time soon.

We're working on negotiations with the DMIL!

OP posts:
WestOfWestminster · 02/02/2023 12:51

Aside from the odd website advert...

I don't think its as outrageous to think that a nursery might give a slight discount on consumables like food, nappies etc if given suitable notice of a child absence. This wouldn't likely be much but I know of a local nursery pre covid that knocked off a bit of money off your bill. When paying £70/£80 a day in fees its not unreasonable to ask.

I do think you'd be better off staying at home and using the nursery space though, the first 4 weeks the newborn is asleep so much anyway, even taking into account your own recovery from the birth.

Cnidarian · 02/02/2023 12:54

AIBU can be like this, the other boards are less "robust" but they don't get as much traffic.

GreaterStickle · 02/02/2023 12:54

YABVU. Of course you have to pay or they lose their places.

Original poster
tiredbuthappy86 · 02/02/2023 13:02

@SuperDuperJezebel Oh right, I just went off what it said on their website bubble.com/DBS - it said DBS checks are not required, but maybe different for nannies and babysitters? Seems a different process for these.

OP posts:
jamsandwich1 · 02/02/2023 13:03

Brutal but it’s completely fair. You can’t pick and choose. We are all away next week but I’ll be paying my childminder for that week anyway, I wouldn’t dream of doing otherwise.

Easternext · 02/02/2023 13:04

Why would they hold a place for you they aren't gonna wanna lose a months fee when they have people waiting for a place.

AnotherEmma · 02/02/2023 13:04

Agree with PPs that moving in with MIL for 4 weeks is not a good idea. It will be much easier to stay at home and keep your older two in nursery. Will your DH take paternity leave? Does he have annual leave he could add on?

I don't understand your post saying you're not entitled to maternity leave - that would be unusual - do you mean that you're not entitled to maternity pay? You should be able to get Maternity Allowance, look it up.

Lastly depending on whether you own or rent you might be entitled to some universal credit.

PinkPlantCase · 02/02/2023 13:07

ladymacbeth · 02/02/2023 12:20

This is clearly just an advert for that website Hmm

That’s what I came to say 😂 YABU OP.

And surely it would make more sense for the family to come to you anyway? In the scenario made up for advertising