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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Some woman enable misogyny

91 replies

2023newyearnewname · 02/02/2023 10:20

Why do some women excuse men and their misogyny and giggle it away/make light of it as if it's nothing and ignore the violence towards women.

An example on The Jeremy Vine show this morning. Talking about the Tom Jones song. One presenter said well you should hear how a rapper talks about women and want they want to do to them. My generation (Z I thing she said) just take no notice and don't get upset about it. Isn't she just part of the problem eg accepting of men speaking about violence and acts towards women and what they might do to them. Surely she cannot have missed the face that many children listen, the growth in children watching porn and violent porn towards women and the increase in choking sex, violent sex etc/

Or am I just unreasonable, should I just not speak up and accept women should shut up and laugh along with the rappers. Youngish black woman wasn't offended at all about what the rapper says he wants to do with women etc. I found it a bit odd.

OP posts:
SerendipityJane · 02/02/2023 21:04

In my experience the men that aren't misogynists tend to be cancelled out by the women that are. Simple maths tells you what the result is.

And despite the statistics suggesting it should be otherwise, the worst misogynist bosses I have had have been women. Just look at Margaret Thatcher.

DysmalRadius · 02/02/2023 21:36

Young women today are facing increasing erosion of their rights with no apparent way to protest or effect real change given the lack of interest the government take in preserving or defending women's rights. I can understand why they feel that song lyrics are small fry compared to some of the issues they are likely to face.

Sazzling · 02/02/2023 22:00

Mumsnetters call virtually everything misogyny. Many women like having a man for a husband, rather than some cowering, woke wreck.

Mydogatemypurse · 02/02/2023 22:17

100% they do. I know someone who their support of men, no matter how repulsive the action is unbelievable. The only thing i can think of is to get her more attention from males. Shes not even that stupid.

SandraCumin · 02/02/2023 22:22

Sazzling · 02/02/2023 22:00

Mumsnetters call virtually everything misogyny. Many women like having a man for a husband, rather than some cowering, woke wreck.

Women are increasingly coming to the realisation that there isn’t a single thing that a male partner can do for us that a female one can’t. Female only districts and gated communities will be a thing of the future, that’s where feminism is heading next I’ll wager.

JudgeRudy · 02/02/2023 22:26

Totally missing the point but why is Delhila a football chant (or I'm forever blowing bubbles, Sweet Caroline etc)?

PaperFun · 03/02/2023 06:18

Sazzling · 02/02/2023 22:00

Mumsnetters call virtually everything misogyny. Many women like having a man for a husband, rather than some cowering, woke wreck.

I am embarrassed for you. And sad that you have only met extremes of men.

I am cringeing at what your concept of a ‘man for a husband’ is.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/02/2023 08:39

Of course some women behave in a way to support misogyny. That doesn't make misogyny their fault. The responsibility for change tests with the oppressor, not the women who aren't strong enough to stand up against it.

I think it is very common for younger women to not see misogyny in the same way as older women.

SerafinasGoose · 03/02/2023 08:52

Littlechickenhead · 02/02/2023 14:09

MiL is a misogynist, she freely admits that she thinks most women are useless and a waste of space. If you ever say anything vaguely derogatory about men, she will immediately jump in with a ‘what about women then, eh? Eh?’ reply. Last week, we were all talking about fathers who abandon their kids and refuse to pay maintenance. Someone commented that in the majority of cases, it’s men who do this and she immediately took umbrage and started trying to argue that just as many women abandon their kids too. She’s also argued that rape victims can be culpable if they go out after dark and get drunk. Given that she was a single parent, it beggars belief.

It's entirely believable. Classic projection.

To respond to the OP's point, if this refers to some of the more outlandish threads on this site in which women are blamed for absolutely everything, I'm less than convinced that all or even the majority of those posters are necessarily women. There's a clear infiltration from some of the murkier incel/women hating areas of the internet, and those posters tend to be pretty transparent.

That said, it's undeniable that some of the worst misogynists are women, and that those women are desperately anxious to keep other women in their boxes. It's personal, and its political, and it's not new. To cite one example, why any women would oppose her own and other women's basic right to vote, as the anti-suffragists did, is beyond my comprehension. It's similar to denying yourself a vote for your own head of state. It can only be assumed the people who do this don't want these fundamental, democratic privileges because it's too much hard work, or they would prefer others to do the heavy lifting of thinking for them. The same applies in reverse to very capable men - men who claim the higher salaries and bulk of the CEO roles - who apparently can't manage simple domestic tasks in the home.

Put simply, it's learned helplessness. But these are the ones determined to foist their views on others. Anyone can exercise the right not to vote, but it was anti-suffragism which wanted that right removed from anyone with a vagina.

Same now goes for the women who want our protected spaces shared with men. They don't get to consent for me.

Yes, in the past decade or so I agree we've gone far backward, given we'd made (minimal) progress in the 20th century. But in the overall scheme of things in the history of our species, I suspect it's very much a case of same shit, different century.

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 03/02/2023 08:58

SerendipityJane · 02/02/2023 21:04

In my experience the men that aren't misogynists tend to be cancelled out by the women that are. Simple maths tells you what the result is.

And despite the statistics suggesting it should be otherwise, the worst misogynist bosses I have had have been women. Just look at Margaret Thatcher.

First part - yep 100 per cent.

FlimFlamBam · 03/02/2023 09:07

I was fortunate to come from as my friend says a long line of strong women. My English Grandmother had been in the WAAF and my overseas Grandmother had fled across a few countries as a refugee. I was raised to believe we are just as good as any man. My MIL is a misogynist as is my Gen X born in the same year as me SIL. FIL was a horrendous misogynist which leads me to DH who really isn’t, he is however an intelligent man and knows the value of humans. I find the whole I can’t because I’m a woman immensely frustrating as if being a fragile flower increases their value.

RiverSkater · 03/02/2023 09:07

We are brought up to want to be chosen by a man and it's competitive out there.

Media, womens magazines, laws, customs and practices such as having a man's name all embed this.

Look how quickly laws have been introduced to protect the rights of men who want to be women. Yet we are still fighting this internalised misogyny.

crackofdoom · 03/02/2023 09:13

Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That, which is pretty much the authoritative guide to abusive men, points to misogynistic song lyrics as a massive driver of misogyny in culture at large (he uses Eminem's "Stan" as an example).

superplumb · 03/02/2023 17:41

I've had as much misogyny from women as I have men. Internalised misogyny I believe its called. We don't stand a chance really do we.

Mypinkysperky · 07/02/2023 16:02

It doesn’t say that Delilah is killed in the Tom Jones song anyway. I’d stop laughing if somebody drew a knife out of their pocket.

VanillaSnap · 07/02/2023 16:35

I think there is a golden middle that recognises men and women have different interests, aptitudes, abilities, strengths and so on, yet that doesn't inherently make one sex less than the other. However in some situations you might be better off talking to specifically either the man or the woman.

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