To tell new starter to be quiet?

[notetakerforlife]

Managing a team and have a new starter that keeps asking questions - and chiming in to other people's conversations thinking she's been helpful but it's just annoying.

They've not been here very long so I don't want to say the wrong thing and then they feel they can't ask questions and get something wrong but the things they ask are always just not that important - like finicky stuff that really isn't going to mean the world ends.

Would it be bad to say not to ask questions unless necessary? I really don't know how to approach it as they're new.

Or do I just Suck it up?

Please don’t do this!!! My manager told me to ask more questions… then next time said I needed to be more independent and ask less questions… I was left so confused!!

@pjparty whilst you are on a video call? How would I possibly acknowledge if I'm on a video would that not be rude to the recipient of the video (usually clients) to respond?

A thumbs up to the side of the screen?? She's trying to fit in with you and you are finding fault with everything.

Depends on the job.

Most video calls I am on require me to listen, input, ask questions and sometimes present. I would find it really distracting if I was trying to pay attention and/or was presenting, and someone wiggled anything at me.

I 100% understand this. It's a complete lack of awareness and respect for other people's time. Usually as a newbie you're so aware of everything you do and say because you want to make a good impression. One of the things to be aware of is how much time you're taking away from other colleagues. I once had a new direct report literally hover over me all day asking questions and was basically sitting in my lap to prevent me leaving to go home at the end of the day. It's fucking exhausting. I ended up putting them in another section of the office so that they could 'meet other people' and stop bothering me every 2 minutes. I also began asking them "what have you done already to find out the answer to your question?" and then said if they couldn't find the answer themselves, speak to another colleague or put them all in an email for us to go through the next day during a quick 15 min meeting. I really feel for you OP, you're not a bad manager, just an unlucky one!!

@Calphurnia88 precisely

@Shemovesshemoves21 thank you!

I was totally with you till you complained about the tea offer, OP. I'm delighted if someone offers that to me when I'm stuck on a call and it's easy enough to answer discreetly. So it may well have been regarded as perfectly OK etiquette wherever this person worked previously. But if your rule is "No tea on video calls" then surely you just needed to tell her that the first time it happened?

I also began asking them "what have you done already to find out the answer to your question?" and then said if they couldn't find the answer themselves, speak to another colleague or put them all in an email for us to go through the next day during a quick 15 min meeting.

This is really good advice @Shemovesshemoves21

At our workplace we also assign buddies for more junior colleagues (tends to be another junior colleague with more experience, and is seen as a positive thing to do). Could that be an option to help filter some of the questions?

I haven’t read the whole thread but my sense is that you are really pressured in your role and bandwidth for additional stuff just isn’t there. That’s something for you to look at with your managers because you sound close to burn out.
I’ve been there with chatty new people - one strategy is to say “hold that thought, let’s come back to it when I can give you more time in our 1:1. “
Also in our work people have rubber ducks that they can put in their computers to indicate they don’t want to be interrupted.
hope yiu can resolve it , sounds very wearing.

Is this a young person?

It's worth nurturing them now to build their confidence. Telling them off or saying their questions and contributions aren't important isn't going to work in the long run.

Tbh if you didn't want to be asked questions then maybe a managerial role isn't for you.

I've managed trainees and people with little experience before and yes, there was quite a bit of hand holding. But it paid off and they flourished.

It's not her job to answer questions all day long whenever they pop into someone's head though!

I do similar to what a PP suggested and make time for questions... they can write them done and bring them all in one go daily/weekly whatever, rather than constantly interrupting!

Yes as another poster suggested I'm hugely overwhelmed in part because a team memeber went long term sick the same week this person started so that completely messed up time is should have to deicate more to this person and perhaps be more accommodating and have more patience to answer their basic questions

I think there's an element of this, but in this case it sounds like the new report has experience in their sector and is asking questions they can easily find out themselves (or should know already).

A chat with them about their performance in a 1:1 may well help here. You can build confidence whilst still making boundaries and expectations clear.

"There are a few things we need to work on. I've noticed you are coming to me with a lot of questions around X, Y and Z. I have full faith in your ability, so I think it would be helpful for you to use your knowledge and experience to answer some of these questions yourself, or ask another colleague if you need some reassurance. My time is quite limited and relying on your ability to work independently will make a really positive impact on your confidence in this role".

@notetakerforlife

I think you should suck it up and find a way to manage it appropriately til you get to a point of tolerance.

She’s new and probably bricking it. She may find you intimidating and just want to please you. I’d also put money on your irritation coming across to her as being rude, short-tempered and aloof. She may have been utterly micromanaged and made to feel like crap/worthless/a failure in her previous job by a shite manager and just not know how to deal with a bit of autonomy

If you are a good manager you will have a strategy for dealing with this that doesn’t put her down and make her feel unwelcome.

Note any good points etc and schedule a catch up meeting. Assuming she’s on probation you should be doing this anyway regularly. Start with her positives and ask if she’s any concerns. If she says no gently lead onto the excessive questions and let her know that the next things you’d like to see from her are autonomy and working under own initiative to be able to resolve queries. If she then comes to you with queries post meeting ask her how she’s got on resolving them herself and if any gaps in her training/ knowledge which you need to help with.

You are her manager so manage her. Ultimately if a new join fails probation for job related issues relating to poor induction and management then the buck is going to stop with the manager.

She sounds utterly head melting.

Lots of ridiculous posts and some constructive ones.

There are a few different issues.

Interrupting a conversation is plain rude and that needs firm dealing with.

Arguing with a colleague about something she knows nothing about is a bit of a red flag that you will have to watch.

She is like a toddler wanting instant attention and she will continue to behave like this while you give her this constant gratification.

You need to carve out time for her and then tell her that you do not wish to be interrupted other than that unless it is critical and only YOU can answer it.

Push back firmly on the IT questions that she continues to bother you with.

Hopefully the effort of writing out each question will focus her mind more.

Ask her to do it all in a note book that she can refer back to and it will help you see if there is a pattern.

I think it is perfectly reasonable to point out to her that constantly Interrupting conversations can cause offence so best not to do it.

When I experienced someone like this for the first time… my eyes opened. This person’s ability to takeover, frustrate, exhaust, and actually distress an entire room was really quite astonishing!

If you haven’t met someone like this, believe me, they exist.

After weeks of this, it became apparent they were not being disruptive because they were selfish or rude, but they had very real long standing anxiety issues and needed attention and reassurance to emotionally regulate themselves. Things were very tough for them at home. They were receiving therapy, but obviously a multi pronged approach was needed.

Ultimately, what worked, was a mutual understanding the rest of us had to listen to them at length, without interrupting, and smile and nod, as appropriate. Roughly half an hour daily. Just let them talk themselves out, then give reassuring feedback. Basically a figurative pat on the / tap on the back.

What I am describing here is office parenting. The work place shouldn’t be the place for this… but where are whole people and cannot always compartmentalise and we have a small responsibility for the well-being of those who work for us.

This person is doing much better now, we have managed the situation. They just needed to feel accepted into the group and cared for and seen and heard and that their opinions and needs are important. Once this was made clear to them, with verbal praise and sometimes little tiny rewards, it was all meaningful and it has healed/cured the ailment.

Good luck, I know it’s emotionally draining and extremely frustrating. You can manage this!

New starters aside, when my old team were in the office we established etiquette around headphones on = focus time, do not disturb. Now wfh it's more using Teams green light/do not disturb. I'm not saying you can just blank people but we managed to establish ways of working that helped everybody to get what they needed...

@Nerdface we have a no headphones rule we would not introduce that.

I like the idea of the rubber duck someone pointed out!

ok so your latest post gets to the nub. Has anyone actually taken time to do a properly thorough onboarding with this new person?
And they need a buddy to pass on the soft skills required in this team: no tea in video calls, X is often an issue always go to IT with it

and has anyone checked in how she thinks she's settling in compared to how you think she's settling in?

As a manager you MUST invest the time in new starters or they'll push off or become demotivated

@Brefugee yea during video calls is ridiculous ti set a policy on - you can't set anopocu for everything!

Also it wasn't drinking tea in calls I have an issue with its interrupting some else's call to ask if they want tea - this is a common sense thing not policy

i get what is bothering you but just say it after the call? If you think you're too overwhelmed that you can't tell someone who reports to you what to do you need help.

but again: how was the onboarding? do you have no comment to the couple of us who suggested a buddy?
Feedback meetings[ informal chats?

We work really really hard to make our new starters comfortable, the buddy system cuts out a lot of the things you're going through and can't manage.
I get you're busy but you also have a responsibility to the new people to get them settled in - either yourself or delegate.

It sounds like you’ve let it go on so long that yih have taken a real dislike to her now. This has caused you now to find nearly everything she does faulty. Offering tea is usually considered a nice thing to do. Even if you are on a call, it’s simple enough to put your index finger up out of view of camera ton indicate wait/not now and not think twice about it.

You do sound very overwhelmed yourself, and your employee will sense that and it may worsen the too much talking problem if it is anxiety based.

I am a little concerned you haven’t given much thought to her emotional well-being.

Wow this is genius!

Someone who really wasn't sure would still come and ask you but if they were just too lazy to work out things themselves it would be a total cure!