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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell new starter to be quiet?

299 replies

notetakerforlife · 01/02/2023 22:23

Managing a team and have a new starter that keeps asking questions - and chiming in to other people's conversations thinking she's been helpful but it's just annoying.

They've not been here very long so I don't want to say the wrong thing and then they feel they can't ask questions and get something wrong but the things they ask are always just not that important - like finicky stuff that really isn't going to mean the world ends.

Would it be bad to say not to ask questions unless necessary? I really don't know how to approach it as they're new.

Or do I just Suck it up?

OP posts:
graysquirrel · 02/02/2023 11:00

I'd say suck it up in the short term. They may well just be insecure, and not knowing what is and isn't important in your culture yet.
More medium term if they're asking same questions so clearly not learning from your advice, address it but still with a view of if they need help as not confident still, do they need specific catch up to run through a few items, or coaching or shadowing perhaps.
Longer term, yes confront it more due to disruption to all and as expected to be imbeded in role by them.

Flowersforalgernon1 · 02/02/2023 11:15

Please consider that the new starter may not be neurotypical and may have a different way of orgnaising and processing thoughts. I'm sure their behaviour isn't intentional to upset and irritate you, it might just be the way they learn and process and make sure they get everything right because they want to do a good job.

LolaSmiles · 02/02/2023 11:24

Someone asked about induction, I haven't done a proper one so I have to accept some responsibility - I'm not saying I'm perfect here at all but I do see the adhd of this person is going to become an issue
You can't pass the buck here then and start speculating about neurodiversity when you've not done the basics to get a new employee onboarded.

If you've not got time to do a proper induction then it needed to be passed to your managers asking what they would like depriortising in order to give new employee an appropriate induction so that the team can function well.

If you've not done a proper induction, do you have the sort of documents many of us have mentioned (eg standard operating procedures/systems documents/staff handbook for the team/list of useful contacts and their areas)?

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 02/02/2023 11:31

I've got one of these at the moment. Keeps asking me stuff she can go and find out herself if she looked. I've told her umpteen times to write up instructions after I've shown her how to do something, only to be told she only needs to be told how to do something once, yet keeps asking me the same fucking things 🙄😂

MrsR2018 · 02/02/2023 11:33

@notetakerforlife maybe it’s nerves? My nerves and anxiety in a new job come out in the form of talking too much / asking too many questions / seemingly needing additional support.

I try hard to stop it but sometimes it takes over.
I think you need a meeting with them and ask them how they’re feeling, do they need additional support.

Yes you’re not there to think FOR them but you’re certainly meant to be there as a support to your employees.

Shed66 · 02/02/2023 11:46

I’ve have this too & it is so frustrating. She asks the most ridiculous questions about the most none priority or hypothetical scenarios but when I try to explain the very urgent nature of the work in hand, she either talks over me or repeatedly asks questions about non related topics!
She’s one of two new starters, one came from a management background, is only supposed to be helping out filling etc for our reception but has literally implemented changes to every aspect of my job! This one is a receptionist, from an admin background, working the opposite shift to me & her input is so often off kilter! Our boss is a soft touch & allows them to run with these changes, literally every week I’m in, there is something else changed & I’m on the verge of exploding! There’s no rhyme nor reason for the changes, if anything they make my job harder! Just no common sense & I’m being ignored despite having been there for over 10 years, I think it’s because I’m the youngest & I don’t come from a educational background! I’m on a good wage, they’ve been with us a year now & they’re on the same as I am. If it wasn’t for the money & the flexible hours, I’d have walked.

GrantShappsAteMyBrain · 02/02/2023 12:19

Don't tell them not to ask questions but if you are busy it's perfectly fine to say: "ok just in the middle of something. Can we talk about this in 5 min / after lunch / tomorrow?" They might just decide to look it up themselves then. Or you could ask them to send you an email witb their question and then answer when you can..maybe a few questions at a time. Or tell them honestly something like "it's great you've got so many questions. Why don't we meet every day at X time for 10 min to discuss all of them when I can give you my undivided attention." If they ask between that tell them you'll discuss it at X time.

SarahBelles86 · 02/02/2023 12:49

YABU
If you are management that is a terrible attitude to have.

I am moving to a new department in my work place next week and although I do have some knowledge and experience I will have a lot to learn. I like to know EVERYTHING so I can do my job well and become a valued member of the team. I already know I will ask a lot of questions because I'd rather annoy them asking question for a short time until I get the hang of everything than annoy them by doing things wrong.

Marblessolveeverything · 02/02/2023 13:31

Okay so your further posts have clarified things a little. To be fair to the new starter - no induction, team already running with a member on long term sick and there may be challenges around attention/etiquette etc.

So for your own sake you need to see what resources you have to try and sort this issue out - do you have HR are they able to support you in perhaps doing an induction at this stage? Perhaps a bit of a reset might work.

I have experience managing a few individuals who sound similar. But the difference was I knew what was coming and HR gave me information and extra resources to support the employee.

E.g. some project work was siphoned off. This reduced demand and allowed me a tiny bit of head space and time to set aside a 15 morning and 15 minute afternoon check in. This tended to be reduce the questions.

Regarding etiquette - it is an ongoing issue - but my capacity to handle it improved because the questions/interruptions reduced - to be fair the employee does make valuable contributions and if ever I am interviewed I have a ready made response on how to manage a challenging employee!

makingarunforit · 02/02/2023 14:25

No induction? Jesus wept....

Here's your desk. Just get on with it. I don't care if you don't know what you're doing I will tutt and sigh if you ask questions. Expect an eye roll if you have the temerity to offer me a cup of tea while I'm on a video call.....

I wonder what she is thinking of you as a manager?

Pssspsss · 02/02/2023 14:32

notetakerforlife · 02/02/2023 10:16

Someone asked about induction, I haven't done a proper one so I have to accept some responsibility - I'm not saying I'm perfect here at all but I do see the adhd of this person is going to become an issue

Oh my Lord - my heads just fell off

Your unconscious bias is really coming out here.

This is on your head and your head only. How can you expect her to do her job properly when you can’t even do yours?

If she’s got ADHD my recommendation would be get HR in now to start looking at what reasonable adjustments she may well need and to protect her from your possible discrimination and you from her possible disability discrimination tribunal if you don’t sort out your attitude.

Pleasebeafleabite · 02/02/2023 14:53

WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody · 02/02/2023 10:00

The best suggestion so far is for you to gain better management skills.

people don't need to 'keep them (suggestions) coming'

stop complaining about her and do your job.

I’m embarrassed for you

Allergictoironing · 02/02/2023 15:27

There's asking a lot of questions, then there's asking the same or very similar questions constantly amid other somewhat disruptive behaviors. The first is a good thing to see in new staff, the second can really distract others from their work & be really annoying. And it can be such a difficult thing to manage, as you're basically telling someone that they are annoying everyone else while trying not to feel attacked and to take it very personally - floods of tears in meetings like this are hard for both parties to handle!

I have been that new staff member asking too much, interjecting inappropriately, trying too hard to prove I was good by asking what I thought were intelligent questions etc. I have ADHD which wasn't diagnosed until very recently plus I would have acute anxiety probably caused at least in part by the ADHD. This would lead to me behaving in a way that could really get on the nerves of others. Sort of a self fulfilling prophesy, trying so hard to prove myself & pass my probation that I would lose the job because I didn't fit in.

I think you need to sit down with her and have a long conversation about the behaviors that you and others are having difficulties with. I have tended since diagnosis to actually initiate this meeting with my manager, and one of the things I have asked for is that they tell me each and every time I do it and promise not to take offence if they do it a bit bluntly rather than delicately hinting.

Now this new staff member may not have that awareness about the subject, but you could offer to work out between yourselves a mutually agreeable way to do this.. This may be a good time to tell her you realise she didn't have the best induction possible, and at the same time ask her how she can be supported in settling in better. Hopefully she will get on side with this.

But if she denies she's acting inappropriately, get aggressively defensive, refuses to see there's anything wrong, or makes silly excuses, then maybe you might want to reconsider her place on the team?

QuestionsFromThePublic · 02/02/2023 15:32

You must have discuaaions immediately something happens, the cup thing should have only happened once. Waving a mug at someone on a video call with a customer is unacceptable and unprofessional. Are they new to video calls, working in an office or working at all?

You absolutely can and should be buddying your team members. I have worked from home for 15 years. My current team is based across the country and has been virtual for about 5 years. Every person has a different role, we look for ways to work together. Lots of companies have hybrid working and WFH is the norm for at least part of the time.

Our company has a formal one day face to face induction and virtual induction resources. We also have plans on our team and desk instructions. Even though it is month 2, you can still support your colleague with an induction. You must review any reasonable adjustments asap.

Calphurnia88 · 02/02/2023 17:02

I think you need to sit down with her and have a long conversation about the behaviors that you and others are having difficulties with.

I think she needs to start by giving this poor girl an induction.

NotSummerYet · 02/02/2023 17:25

I feel really sorry for her not having had an induction. Poor woman has to ask questions to find out things because of no induction and can probably pick up the resentment and contempt from you when you reply to her.

How can you expect someone to learn a role with no induction?

2bazookas · 02/02/2023 17:27

Give them a notebook and say " I've noticed how keen you are to learn and ask questions; I thought it might help if you write down all the important ones and show me once a week, in case I think of anything more to tell you".

notetakerforlife · 02/02/2023 17:43

@Pssspsss wtf are you talking about - I don't KNOW she has adhd I'm guessing, unless she tells me it would be rude to tell her oh you have adhd let's manage it!

OP posts:
Brefugee · 02/02/2023 17:56

so are you going to do a proper onboarding? at least? and find her a buddy?

notetakerforlife · 02/02/2023 17:59

No one has the time to be her buddy except me so yes I will be freeing up time to help.

I also just looked at an induction checklist and most of these things have been done - they've had a copy of staff handbook, shown around etc etc there are a few loose ends to tie but I take back not doing incursion

OP posts:
Pssspsss · 02/02/2023 18:06

notetakerforlife · 02/02/2023 17:43

@Pssspsss wtf are you talking about - I don't KNOW she has adhd I'm guessing, unless she tells me it would be rude to tell her oh you have adhd let's manage it!

Hence why I said “IF”

and yes you are massively showing unconscious bias because you are making an assumption about a possible disability based on your perception of (a) this persons behaviour and (b) your perceptions of people with ADHD

So not only have you failed to do your job by giving this poor girl a proper induction, you are now judging her massively in a public forum for being irritating and annoying because you’ve not done what you are supposed to do and then because of those “annoying” traits your guessing she may have ADHD, when irrespective of that, she probably hasn’t got a bloody clue what she’s doing because you haven’t shown her!

You need to use your initiative now and get yourself into HR and get some training on management skills, your job role as a manager, disability and equality in the workplace and unconscious bias instead of you know, asking irritating questions on here

Calphurnia88 · 02/02/2023 18:16

notetakerforlife · 02/02/2023 17:43

@Pssspsss wtf are you talking about - I don't KNOW she has adhd I'm guessing, unless she tells me it would be rude to tell her oh you have adhd let's manage it!

Good lord it gets worse.

Calphurnia88 · 02/02/2023 18:18

notetakerforlife · 02/02/2023 17:59

No one has the time to be her buddy except me so yes I will be freeing up time to help.

I also just looked at an induction checklist and most of these things have been done - they've had a copy of staff handbook, shown around etc etc there are a few loose ends to tie but I take back not doing incursion

Our staff handbook covers things like dress code and holiday allowance.

Have you actually explained to her what her roles and responsibilities are?

notetakerforlife · 02/02/2023 18:29

@Calphurnia88 verbally? No though a copy has been provided

OP posts:
Brefugee · 02/02/2023 18:50

you really really need to reassess how you are a manager.
Just giving someone a book and expecting them to get on with it? You sound like a nightmare.

What are your glass door reviews like?

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