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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think we’ve lost sight of what a healthy child’s weight should be?

516 replies

Winniethepoohandtiggertoo · 01/02/2023 21:42

Walking through town today as kids were leaving school and I was quite shocked by the size of them (primary kids). But then I noticed that so many of them were overweight that in a way it isn’t surprising that maybe their parents haven’t noticed or realised there is a problem? When I was little kids were skinny things, now it seems the norm for them to be built like shot-putters! I know a few parents with overweight children but they insist they’re ‘strong’ or ‘solid’, or ‘they run around so much they just burn it off’. When so many kids look like theirs it probably isn’t surprising they think that?

OP posts:
Mercurial123 · 04/02/2023 07:27

Saschka · 03/02/2023 17:26

Some of those experiences are food though! Eating pad thai at a night market in Bangkok, noodles at a street stall in Xi’an, a ryokan in Kyoto, okonomiyaki in Hiroshima. Amazing pasta in Naples, food at a Christmas market in Munich, Kasespaetzle in a Tyrol mountain hut, tapas in a bar in Barcelona.

Obviously it’s not the sole focus, but a big part of travelling somewhere new is trying new cuisines, experiencing different places to eat. Would you honestly travel to Japan and just live on cheese sandwiches in your hotel room? Never bother trying the local food?

Thai and Japanese food is generally healthy. Exposing children to great tasting food, which is also healthy can only be a good thing. I was in Thailand last month, and it was noticeable that the locals and SE Asian tourists, both adults and children, are getting fatter, not just British people. It's depressing

PatchworkElmer · 04/02/2023 07:43

There are so many factors at play here (social deprivation being one) but overall I think you’re right- we’ve lost sight of normal. My DS is a normal weight (can see his ribs and hips but has good muscle tone) and we struggle to find trousers that don’t fall down on him- I think that sizing is getting bigger on the waist.

There aren’t many overweight children in his class- one boy who is definitely overweight but I think that’s it. School is in a very ‘naice middle class’ area though which does make a difference.

randomsabreuse · 04/02/2023 08:26

Getting clothes for slim kids is getting very difficult generally. DD is struggling with dresses being too wide in the shoulder to get anywhere near a reasonable length. Last summer I had to go to Monsoon to get a smart (wedding guest) dress as everything else that wasn't mid thigh length literally fell off when she moved (Next, M&S etc). H&M is ok for casual but didn't have anything weddingy last summer.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/02/2023 20:54

@Fleabigg , my EBF Gds was a real little Michelin man porker as a small baby - and thank goodness for that, since a severe bout of bronchiolitis when he had to be sedated and tube fed, meant the fat melted off him alarmingly quickly.
He soon put much of it back on, but once he started running around it started disappearing, and at 6 he is positively skinny and very active.

Babies are plump for a reason - they can lose weight so fast if they’re ill. It doesn’t mean they’ll be fat children.

XelaM · 05/02/2023 23:23

My nephew was HUGE as a baby and toddler and I mean HUGE. He was exclusively breastfed for ages and he really looked like an obese baby. Everyone was telling my SIL that he was worryingly big. She never listened to anyone and never put him on any diets. But he is now 14, 6'2 and looks like a beanpole, is super sporty as well. So obese kids can definitely shoot up and grow out of it.

ChocolatemilkBertie · 05/02/2023 23:35

During my career I have done a course going through portion sizes for children and it’s shocking really how little (in relative terms) amounts they need compared to what we actually give them - and this is a problem I believe across the nation for adults too. Portion control.

Some of the children at my school have full blown lunch boxes for their morning snack. Some children just have one item - a banana or a little pack of breadsticks for example. Several have multiple items - an example of one child’s morning snack from last week: a cheese sandwich (equivalent to a whole slice of bread, so two squares) Organix bar, yoghurt raisins. Yoghurt pouch, fruit yo-yos, a baby bell and a satsuma. No child needs that amount of food as a snack an hour before lunch! Just one of those is fine. We are a nation that overfeeds and I am just as guilty and have had to work to overturn my habits of a lifetime.

Jourdain11 · 05/02/2023 23:55

Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 07:05

Which is all great.

but is it really so far fetched to imagine a family where eating really is an adjunct to a holiday

I have just booked a private horse riding tour for my children and I through the Andalusian countryside. That is what excites us. We will return back to the apartment, dusty, tired and utterly exhilarate I reckon. They will shower whilst I lay out a smorgasbord of bits I’ve picked up from the local supermarket… either an Aldi or carrefour and that will obviously include native foods but there will definitely be some lays crisps in there! Will be under a tenner for the 3 of us, we will eat on balcony in our pjs whilst people watching below talking about the horse riding day we’ve had.

We each have our different pleasures in life and it’s baffling to me that it is so shocking to some of you that some families really aren’t bothered about food “experiences”!

Um, I'm not usually picky about language but... "native foods"? I think "local" would be fine!

Tiredmamma8 · 05/02/2023 23:59

Since becoming a mother I’ve noticed how many small kids in prams are eating junk food on busses. It’s endemic.

but what can they do? School meals are much better than before? They tell the parents and they just feed them what’s easy/they know/causes less issues.

Jourdain11 · 06/02/2023 00:02

The snacks thing is a big problem. My kids don't tend to snack because I was too lazy/disorganised/French to organise snacks for them when they were little. I thought I was a bit inadequate at the time, but I'm quite glad now!

PinkSyCo · 06/02/2023 00:44

RainbowCat26 · 02/02/2023 08:49

For my DC it’s the pressure and denial I have had from older members of my family. DS1 is starting school later this year, I weighed and measured for car seat purposes about 6 months ago and was shocked that he was classed as obese! Mentioned it to both DM and MIL and received all the usual “oh no he is just solid” and “that can’t be right, you must have measured wrong” etc. I have made an effort to cut down on treats and get more exercise and he is now in the healthy category, although close to the top. Yet neither MIL or DM thought I should do anything.

They were probably just trying ti be tactful. Would you have preferred them to criticise you for over feeding your child?

PinkSyCo · 06/02/2023 00:52

Xtraincome · 02/02/2023 08:49

I think the British food problem has been around years. My DM feeds my girls badly when she has them, we have had to repeat ourselves constantly as she just doesn't get it. I grew up with that attitude: I would eat four packets of crisps back 2 back as a 6/7 year old and mum would say it's fine as I'm growing- bollocks!

I am working really hard with my DDs to encourage better eating. I am getting there, they are in great shape and eat well but there are loads of people who grew up like me with 4/5 siblings and they all went on to have kids and passed down the bad eating habits.

It's a vicious cycle.

How old are you? I’m early 50’s and was lucky to get one packet of crisps a month. My kids got maybe a packet a week. I really don’t think it was ever the norm to give kids 4 packets of crisps in one go.

Saschka · 06/02/2023 01:38

Whatislove82 · 04/02/2023 07:05

Which is all great.

but is it really so far fetched to imagine a family where eating really is an adjunct to a holiday

I have just booked a private horse riding tour for my children and I through the Andalusian countryside. That is what excites us. We will return back to the apartment, dusty, tired and utterly exhilarate I reckon. They will shower whilst I lay out a smorgasbord of bits I’ve picked up from the local supermarket… either an Aldi or carrefour and that will obviously include native foods but there will definitely be some lays crisps in there! Will be under a tenner for the 3 of us, we will eat on balcony in our pjs whilst people watching below talking about the horse riding day we’ve had.

We each have our different pleasures in life and it’s baffling to me that it is so shocking to some of you that some families really aren’t bothered about food “experiences”!

You were the one implying people are fat and food-obsessed if they choose to eat in a local restaurant on holiday rather than making a “substantial salad” from Aldi…

Whatislove82 · 06/02/2023 05:46

Saschka · 06/02/2023 01:38

You were the one implying people are fat and food-obsessed if they choose to eat in a local restaurant on holiday rather than making a “substantial salad” from Aldi…

I didn’t mention fat or weight once

but certainly - a food focussed holiday is unappealing to me whereas the food side to a holiday is very important to you, and I totally respect that and apologies if I indicated otherwise

RedToothBrush · 06/02/2023 07:56

Whatislove82 · 06/02/2023 05:46

I didn’t mention fat or weight once

but certainly - a food focussed holiday is unappealing to me whereas the food side to a holiday is very important to you, and I totally respect that and apologies if I indicated otherwise

For me a trip to a local supermarket whilst on holiday is a cultural experience and something I love doing! I don't feel I'm abroad until we've been to a supermarket of some description! The whole point is merely seeing the difference, buying something local but not going crazy. You get a feel for some where just looking not buying and you certainly don't have to spend a lot.

I don't believe you do it purely for cost / functional filling of the belly. I think it's impossible not to do it without going 'we are on holiday, this is part of the experience being in the supermarket for local produce'...

Whatislove82 · 06/02/2023 08:37

RedToothBrush · 06/02/2023 07:56

For me a trip to a local supermarket whilst on holiday is a cultural experience and something I love doing! I don't feel I'm abroad until we've been to a supermarket of some description! The whole point is merely seeing the difference, buying something local but not going crazy. You get a feel for some where just looking not buying and you certainly don't have to spend a lot.

I don't believe you do it purely for cost / functional filling of the belly. I think it's impossible not to do it without going 'we are on holiday, this is part of the experience being in the supermarket for local produce'...

Oh yes… when we do go to the supermarkets I say to each child that that can go off with 10 euros each and buy something they’ve not had before for breakfast lunch and dinner.

if that is something fantastically in keeping with the local culture… wonderful. If that’s a different brand of ice cream to one they’ve not tried before but squat all to do with the local culture… in the trolley it goes! 😂

closingscore · 06/02/2023 16:46

It’s all so wrong but if you comment on it (who would dare to!) you’re seen as elitist, or you’re told you have more money and time and choices or whatever… 🙄

I wouldn't dare comment. She's a lovely mum who adores her kids and she's not short on time/money but her and her DH are also overweight. I think they just love their food and don't have an exercise habit.

Xtraincome · 06/02/2023 19:11

@PinkSyCo I was born in '86 so am 36 now. Mum is 70 this year. Shes anazing but massively ill informed about health and wellbeing it's insane.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 06/02/2023 21:03

Xtraincome · 06/02/2023 19:11

@PinkSyCo I was born in '86 so am 36 now. Mum is 70 this year. Shes anazing but massively ill informed about health and wellbeing it's insane.

I was going to guess you were mid 80s, your experience matches my own. God the food I was fed, and I was told I was healthy because went on a family dog walk on a Sunday.. Honestly what were they thinking 🙈

Aria999 · 07/02/2023 01:20

I have mixed feelings about this thread. It feels very judgy in parts!

It can be hard to get kids to eat well. They have their own views on the matter.

I think the best I can do is limit sugar and other junk and teach them to eat only when hungry.

My kids are both around 80th percentile for both height and weight. DD3 is solid and wears age 4-5 clothes. DS7 used to be solid and is now slim.

I used to be solid and am now slim myself.

Xtraincome · 07/02/2023 12:38

@Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie
It's a very tricky cycle to break isn't it? I can't be too annoyed about it as it was reflective of the times but the evidence is clear it was bad for us. It's the denial now that winds me up so badly.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/02/2023 13:20

Aria999 · 07/02/2023 01:20

I have mixed feelings about this thread. It feels very judgy in parts!

It can be hard to get kids to eat well. They have their own views on the matter.

I think the best I can do is limit sugar and other junk and teach them to eat only when hungry.

My kids are both around 80th percentile for both height and weight. DD3 is solid and wears age 4-5 clothes. DS7 used to be solid and is now slim.

I used to be solid and am now slim myself.

I don’t think euphemisms like “solid” are helpful. And kids might not eat what you put in front of them every meal but if they aren’t offered nutritionless crap they can’t choose it.

Aria999 · 07/02/2023 14:40

@AnneLovesGilbert it wasn't intended as a euphemism.

DD isn't overweight, she doesn't look overweight, but she's not slim or skinny.

randomsabreuse · 07/02/2023 14:49

My 2 are both 'Solid' in one sense. Visible six packs and minimal fat is "Solid". 4 year old is basically triangular, big shoulders, broad chest, narrow hips, looks like a rugby forward, visible muscles in legs for both...

You'd not call 7 year old solid looking as she's narrow, but if you need to pick her up, definitely solid!

Aria999 · 07/02/2023 14:53

She has a BMI of 15.59 which is 46th percentile

Whatislove82 · 07/02/2023 15:59

Ah the chestnut that is “solid”. I remember the mother of a friend of my son’s describing her son as solid. I couldn’t make eye contact with her for fear she’d know what I was thinking…. WTF your son is very overweight and whenever he comes over I know that he’s going to relentlessly pester me for snacks