To think we’ve lost sight of what a healthy child’s weight should be?

[Winniethepoohandtiggertoo]

Walking through town today as kids were leaving school and I was quite shocked by the size of them (primary kids). But then I noticed that so many of them were overweight that in a way it isn’t surprising that maybe their parents haven’t noticed or realised there is a problem? When I was little kids were skinny things, now it seems the norm for them to be built like shot-putters! I know a few parents with overweight children but they insist they’re ‘strong’ or ‘solid’, or ‘they run around so much they just burn it off’. When so many kids look like theirs it probably isn’t surprising they think that?

It can be hard to notice though. My son's weight crept up in lockdown but I didn't notice until he was into the overweight category on BMI.

One day I just thought, "he looks fatter than he did before and i dont like it", so I measured him and used the BMI calculator.

When it said he had tipped into the overweight category I put him on a secret diet and exercise plan.

But like I say, I didn't notice early on enough.

YANBU, but lots of people don't want to acknowledge this as an issue.

Yanbu. A friend has a child who’s is preschool age. The child is bigger chunkier wise than my 6 year old. Last I heard she’s in age 8-9 clothes as her mum was selling barely worn 6-7. She argues that the doctors saying she is over weight are wrong, yet she posts up massive fry ups and mc Donald’s lunches etc. The mum her self is a forever on off dieter dads a larger man too. All but one of her children are overweight / obese.

it's not that simple. My nephew is 8 and overweight. He was a prem baby and sil was given lots of praise when he moved up the centiles. He can't get trousers to fit him for school and is allowed to wear joggers instead. She feeds him breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and dinner. He doesn't eat fruit and his snacks are junk. He won't play tag with my kids because he gets out breath. I think school have been on to them as they have started him cycling a few times a week and doing badminton and have stopped buying snacks outwith what he needs for his packed lunch. She still calls him 'healthy' and my ds (aged 5) skinny who admittedly is built like a reed but on the 50th percentile for weight and 98th for height.

People comment about my skinny kids. They are actually a healthy weight. People don't know what that looks like anymore, and feel like they should tell me to feed my kids more when actually they are totally fine. Yeah you can see ribs, but they've also got muscle, and get a few more pounds before a growth spurt before leaning out when they shoot up again. They would still look pretty stocky compared to kids in the 1950s say

My older one is skinny. Still fits in age 3-4 for width at 7 (but only one weird extra extra long skirt for length) . I struggle to buy dresses that don't fall off.

My younger one looks a lot chunkier but it's all shoulders. He's wearing his sister's hand me down jeans and they're all skinny fit.

So I wouldn't judge from how kids look in clothes - younger one looks a chunky thing dressed then you see all the ribs in the bath!

Yanbu but British society as a whole has lost sight of what's normal and if you factor in vanity sizing in clothing and people's misunderstanding of "average" together with the need to be offended about everything, it's a lost cause.
The average British woman is a size X. That X signifies the woman is overweight gets hidden in the "but everybody else is the same" narrative.
With children it's far more insidious.

People have lost sight of what is a healthy portion size and how much junk we feed kids (because we think cereal bars, fruit juice etc. are healthy when they're completely not). It's all bound up. But yes, you see threads here occasionally with mums struggling to believe that their kids are overweight despite being weighed and measured and that being communicate with them. We think overweight is massive when that's not the case. I say that as an overweight woman myself - some people say 'you'e not big!', but my BMI is 28 so I definitely am.

Ds used to be very underweight, he is 13 now and thanks to his feeding tube he is now pretty much in the middle of the healthy weight for his height.

we can’t get trousers to fit him and he is notably smaller than most of his peers still.

My son gets a lot of stick at school for being "skinny" and says he wants to "bulk up."

He's a normal, healthy weight. Yes, he looks "skinny" compared to his classmates, but that's because so many of them are overweight.

There are incredibly skinny children but the majority overweight however this depends on the socio-economics of the area. In poorer areas and in poorer families children tend to be chubbier.

Childhood nowadays is different, there is far more access to far more interesting sedentary video/online games and media than ever before. Plus, often both parents working full time and still struggling with time and money so that impacts everything from opportunity to exercise as a family and be active to healthy home cooked family meals.

I don't think parents have lost sight I think it's denial. There was a time when people started growing taller than previous generations, now we are getting wider.. food definitely impacts growth, even things like gestational diabetes and formula feeding usually end up bigger kids. It's not just down to parents not wishing to see their children as big, it's a whole lifestyle and societal problem. Knackered unhealthy parents with equally unhealthy children.

This is a brilliant post @Winniethepoohandtiggertoo and I totally agree

I noticed this last summer - I was seriously shocked by teenage girls these days.

Is this basically a processed food generation where parents are all too busy to home cook, so their kids are given endless snacks and food until they are “full”?

Honestly I think all the “body positivity” stuff amongst teens is because they’ve been let down so badly by parents, that they have to (thankfully!) accept themselves otherwise it’s a bleak existence being trapped in an unhealthy weight because your parents didn’t care enough to help you.

I don't think it's a new thing, though it has got much more prevalent since Covid. Twenty years ago I asked my HV for advice, as so many people had been commenting that my ds was 'too skinny'. She gave me a rule of thumb for whether a child is a healthy weight: on an undressed child you should be able to see their ribs frequently, hip bones occasionally, nasal bone never. Many people seem to think that you should never be able to see a child's bones. Which may be true for a toddler, but not for a school-age child.

I try to keep mine on a healthy balanced diet as they are both prone to put on weight. The thing I've found most difficult though is other people.

They go to the park with a friend and the other mum or mums hand out sweets or biscuits, they go to a friend's house and there's sweets again or a trip to the sweet shop, clubs hand out sweets as rewards, someone's birthday at school (almost every day) more sweets. It's bloody endless.

My primary aged granddaughter is overweight. We are an active family, hiking in Wales every school holiday, days out in the likes of chill Factore, ninja warrior etc. We do things like just dance and gymnastics with her of an evening. She doesn't eat enough calories to be the weight she is. The GP won't get involved. So what do we do?
In other people's cases they can't afford good food. I've known a few people whose GP wants them to see a practice nurse about a low cholesterol etc diet, but they couldn't afford such a diet. Some people live in areas were parks etc aren't safe.

Plus, often both parents working full time and still struggling with time and money so that impacts everything from opportunity to exercise as a family and be active to healthy home cooked family meals.

This is very fair .. but ..: it’s also about priorities.

We prioritise the DC’s health. If that means more time cooking and less time, I don’t know, buying stuff or hosting play dates or putting the DCs in vanity middle class after school activities every night or whatever, it’s fine !

Meal times are a bit sacred in our house. The DCs are at the table, they help with some of the food prep, it’s just about creating a food culture that isn’t “fill a hunger gap quickly before moving onto the more important activity”.

Also, sports. Both DCs play tennis and they’re hearing from the coaching team and from us about tournament prep, good eating and lifestyle. I think it’s really about priorities - what do people want out of their life?

Well no your not wrong however not a lot of parents are well educated when it comes to portion sizes either there was a disgraced mum sharing all to the papers that would listen in regards to her 10 year olds more than sufficient school dinner not being enough when it was more than enough!

My sons a big eater and he could easily get out of hand weight wise if I allowed it but I don’t so he’s not! I have a fruit bowl constantly full and a melon always in the fridge and they are in our house unlimited foods, take it or leave it and just always make sure children are well hydrated as this causes a lot of confusion with hunger to! All common sense stuff.

My DD was a very healthy weight but had comments about being too skinny. So you can visualise it, when she was 3 years old she would wear size 2y until about 4 or 6 months after her 3rd birthday then she would be in size 3y. She's hardly a skeleton. We're also quite petite from both sides of the family, short and a small frame with slender limbs, it's normal for our family to be on the smaller side of normal but still had comments.

YANBU, it’s the constant snacking and huge portions. We were at a friends last week, the 8 year old (overweight) had 4 sausages, 3 potato waffles and half a tin of beans. Probably twice as much as ‘recommended’. Then 2 yoghurts for pudding.

I agree with @Sceptre86 that the problem starts very young. When your baby DC drops down the percentiles there is a lot of concern and pressure to get them to gain weight even if they are perfectly healthy in all other ways. I experienced this with DS1, who was born on the 75th percentile and dropped down to the 25th. He's now 17yo and still skinny but very active and healthy. I think this gets new mums into the mindset of trying to feed them up and seeing weight gain as a positive thing.

I think you are talking nonsense op. I am nearly 60 and have grown up kids and grand kids. Been in a school playground picking up both for over 40 years. Kids seems just as mixed today in size as they ever were. As a teenager in the 80s the desired size was a size 12! I was an 8 and got teased.

As a 70s kid all sizes in my class from skinny to very fat.
My 22 year old dd has friends of all shapes and sizes.

Nothing new here. All this we were all skinnier in the past is nonsense

The older my DDs have gotten the more I wonder if it's to do with genetics. Not their weight as such, but just how intrinsically hungry they are? Mine are 12 and 8 with two different fathers and they wear the same size clothes (though older DD is much taller).

They're with me at least 6 nights a week (sometimes 13 of 14) so it's not like the difference is happening at their dads house. I feed them the same but the difference is the oldest one has always been a natural "picker" like myself while the other one will polish off her plate and ask for an icecream. She is constantly snacky and thinking about food whereas my oldest will often forget to eat.

All the females in DD1s DFs family are tall and willowy size 6/8s whereas all the females in DD2s DFs family are short apple size 16/18s. I'm short and slim. They both have bodies like their dads mothers / sisters etc.

It's very strange and makes you wonder. I mean it's obviously calories in vs calories out but what makes it easier for one and harder for the other to get that balance right?

I think it's partly the constant snacking and availability of food, especially ready made food and takeaways. I hate harking back to the past but I'm in my 50s and there just wasn't as much food around when I was growing up. We didn't snack constantly and we got sweets once a week. I only remember one overweight child in my class of 30 at secondary school. I've recently noticed that there are a lot of teenage girls and young women who are very overweight. It's good that they have confidence in themselves but it's not healthy and will cause them problems in the future.

You should try the European brands, which haven't been vanity sized for chunkier kids. Vertbaudet even has a skinny option for a lot of clothes, which is actual skinny rather than "British skinny."

I’m in a middle class area and most of the children still look a healthy weight to me, but the few overweight looking preschoolers I know were the “chunky” ebf babies whose mothers were being praised to the hills by the health visitor for it.