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Original poster

Fall out between sister and husband

89 replies

poiuy · 01/02/2023 16:02

Fed up with this situation and hope for some advice! I’ve always been v close to my sister as mum died young. However, we are very different and she lives alone with no family and I have 3 older kids and all the chaos and busy days that family bring. To cut a long story short, she had a disagreement with my partner over something small in July 2021 whilst visiting . She told me afterwards that she was fuming but since then refuses to discuss it with any of us. I think she was over-sensitive but at any rate, forgive and forget and just move on and build bridges. She will no longer visit, even at Christmas/ for a few hours or meet if he is present. She expects me to meet her, usually in a restaurant or cafe. I am saddened that she won’t visit and cannot really keep affording this, especially if it involves bringing her nieces and nephews/our kids along. I think she is being really selfish and pathetic to be honest but if I broached the issues I think I would lose her, as she can be quite volatile. I feel sorry for my husband and loyal to his feelings. How can we move forward and should I just bow to her demands to meet just me (and maybe the kids) in some random place?

OP posts:
Kennykenkencat · 01/02/2023 17:35

Your sister I think is so wrapped up in herself that anyone who makes a mistake or calls her out on her behaviour is met with over reaction
Probably why she is on her own as no one is going to be totally pleasant all of the time.

If someone is watching something Especially England in the semi finals of the Euros then it goes without saying that you wouldn’t be talking.

She has I think backed herself into a corner, a very lonely corner and has no way of getting out or back to the relationship you had.

I feel sorry for all of you that she has put up self imposed barriers that have come between her and those who love her.

WoolyMammoth55 · 01/02/2023 17:36

Hi OP, you said: "i think the world of her- that’s why I am so upset by it all"

If this is true, and your kids are grown, can't you visit her at her place sometimes?

I also think it's worth having a conversation about her putting you in an awkward position by refusing to see your husband - ask her what she would need to get past it, or if she intends to avoid him for the rest of their lives?

But ultimately if you love her then keep seeing her, just make it work, and don't make her do all the legwork.

(In your OP about the 3 kids and busy family life I was assuming you had 3 under 6! If they are grown then you're surely free to meet her on her terms sometimes? If you're refusing to do that then that might be part of her resentment...)

Wish you all the best getting this sorted.

anya21 · 01/02/2023 17:39

I think your DH was really rude and your sister was understandable hurt.Saying ' it's water under the bridge' is NOT an apology.
I think your dh needs to make a genuine and heartfelt apology to your poor sister

Kennykenkencat · 01/02/2023 17:40

WoolyMammoth55 · 01/02/2023 17:36

Hi OP, you said: "i think the world of her- that’s why I am so upset by it all"

If this is true, and your kids are grown, can't you visit her at her place sometimes?

I also think it's worth having a conversation about her putting you in an awkward position by refusing to see your husband - ask her what she would need to get past it, or if she intends to avoid him for the rest of their lives?

But ultimately if you love her then keep seeing her, just make it work, and don't make her do all the legwork.

(In your OP about the 3 kids and busy family life I was assuming you had 3 under 6! If they are grown then you're surely free to meet her on her terms sometimes? If you're refusing to do that then that might be part of her resentment...)

Wish you all the best getting this sorted.

I think the children what ever age they are want to see their aunt as well.

Whatislove82 · 01/02/2023 17:46

CrazyLadie · 01/02/2023 17:32

Cause she always want to meet in restaurant etc and as OP still has 2 older kids at home she can't afford it.

Show quote history

Her “kids” are adults In their twenties

ItsCalledAConversation · 01/02/2023 18:02

Kennykenkencat · 01/02/2023 17:35

Your sister I think is so wrapped up in herself that anyone who makes a mistake or calls her out on her behaviour is met with over reaction
Probably why she is on her own as no one is going to be totally pleasant all of the time.

If someone is watching something Especially England in the semi finals of the Euros then it goes without saying that you wouldn’t be talking.

She has I think backed herself into a corner, a very lonely corner and has no way of getting out or back to the relationship you had.

I feel sorry for all of you that she has put up self imposed barriers that have come between her and those who love her.

This is the kind of attitude I totally disagree with.

“If someone is watching something Especially England in the semi finals of the Euros then it goes without saying that you wouldn’t be talking.”

No, no it doesn’t. It doesn’t go without saying because football is not equally important for everyone. I couldn’t care less if it was a semi final (it’s laughable you think everyone should), I wouldn’t know they were playing or be able to tell the difference between England or a semi final or whatever cup it was. I would find any conversation about anything with family would be more important than this. Surely England literally never win anyway, it’s totally pointless and a mug’s game, ultimately you’re just being ripped off to line the pockets of whoever owns the clubs. It’s all totally pathetic in my opinion, and therefore irrelevant to my adult life. Presuming everyone feels the same as you do about football is insane, and results in these kind of upsets.

Kennykenkencat · 01/02/2023 18:17

ItsCalledAConversation · 01/02/2023 18:02

This is the kind of attitude I totally disagree with.

“If someone is watching something Especially England in the semi finals of the Euros then it goes without saying that you wouldn’t be talking.”

No, no it doesn’t. It doesn’t go without saying because football is not equally important for everyone. I couldn’t care less if it was a semi final (it’s laughable you think everyone should), I wouldn’t know they were playing or be able to tell the difference between England or a semi final or whatever cup it was. I would find any conversation about anything with family would be more important than this. Surely England literally never win anyway, it’s totally pointless and a mug’s game, ultimately you’re just being ripped off to line the pockets of whoever owns the clubs. It’s all totally pathetic in my opinion, and therefore irrelevant to my adult life. Presuming everyone feels the same as you do about football is insane, and results in these kind of upsets.

Show quote history

Then that is just rude.

Just because you don’t like something or don’t consider it important then you can treat a person who does like something with contempt and spoil their experience.

If you want to have a conversation then there are other rooms in the house to go and speak in without spoiling someone watching something they have been looking forward to.

The whole point is that England never do win anything so getting to the semis was huge.

How are people being ripped off and lining the pockets of whoever owns the clubs by watching England play.

That doesn’t make sense.

ItsCalledAConversation · 01/02/2023 18:24

Betting on it, buying tickets, buying the kits/strips/decorations, watching the ads, buying the booze, etc etc. I would go on but it’s not worth the energy.

Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean I don’t expect anyone else to. It’s fine if other people want to watch it. But these days TV can be paused, and it’s less important than a convo with a family member in real life, regardless of whether you like or loathe the game itself. I could have made the same argument (minus the being ripped off) about a cliffhanger episode of East Enders.

beetr00 · 01/02/2023 18:30

This wasn't just any match,

this was THE FINAL of the Euros (delayed from 2020), England v Italy.

1-1 full-time, went to penalties!!

EasiTiger · 01/02/2023 18:32

It does seem quite trivial to react the way she has. Could it be less about what he said and more about the way he spoke to her? It reminds me a little of my sister and I years ago, she’s no longer with the father of her 3 children but when she was he would often speak to me incredibly disrespectfully and she would never challenge him. He would speak to my sister in the same fashion so I understand why she didn’t now because she couldn’t. He would always tell me I was sensitive and couldn’t take a joke. I did the same as your sister I stopped coming to the house I would meet her anywhere else. I decided I didn’t have to tolerate him any longer. Sorry if this is completely unrelated but she’s entitled to her feelings and she probably doesn’t want to discuss it because she knows you will dismiss her. I hope you can sort it out.

Kennykenkencat · 01/02/2023 18:48

ItsCalledAConversation · 01/02/2023 18:24

Betting on it, buying tickets, buying the kits/strips/decorations, watching the ads, buying the booze, etc etc. I would go on but it’s not worth the energy.

Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean I don’t expect anyone else to. It’s fine if other people want to watch it. But these days TV can be paused, and it’s less important than a convo with a family member in real life, regardless of whether you like or loathe the game itself. I could have made the same argument (minus the being ripped off) about a cliffhanger episode of East Enders.

ItsCalledAConversation
Betting on it, buying tickets, buying the kits/strips/decorations, watching the ads, buying the booze, etc etc. I would go on but it’s not worth the energy

We are talking about watching England on tv

Yes I do bet on the football (I usually try and pay for the food shop with what I make) I have never bought a football strip, I don’t drink and I don’t even watch the matches. I have taken Ds to a few away games for his team.

Personally I have no real interest in Football as a sport but I will respect those that do watch it and want to concentrate on the tv.

You can’t pause a live match!

Cocobutt · 01/02/2023 19:00

Jesus I'd hate to be related to you. Do expect a full on apology if someone looks at you the wrong way?

@FuckNuggets

Ermm yeah of course.

Wouldn’t you?
Or do you let people walk all over you?

FuckNuggets · 01/02/2023 19:21

Cocobutt · 01/02/2023 19:00

Jesus I'd hate to be related to you. Do expect a full on apology if someone looks at you the wrong way?

@FuckNuggets

Ermm yeah of course.

Wouldn’t you?
Or do you let people walk all over you?

@Cocobutt

You expect an apology when someone looks at you funny, really? Bloody hell! You must be a nightmare to be around.

ComfortablyDazed · 01/02/2023 19:31

Cocobutt · 01/02/2023 19:00

Jesus I'd hate to be related to you. Do expect a full on apology if someone looks at you the wrong way?

@FuckNuggets

Ermm yeah of course.

Wouldn’t you?
Or do you let people walk all over you?

How do you get anything else done all day?

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