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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to assume that parents are legally entitled to time off today?

110 replies

needabreak5 · 01/02/2023 15:15

this has been questioned by DH's employer. DS (6) class is closed today due to the strikes. We have no other means of childcare (no family and no paid childcare available). I had meetings this morning that I couldn't really miss but took this afternoon off so DH can work. DH took this morning off (used up accrued TOIL) to cover my meetings, and has been by his employer questioned why he wasn't in the office as they are too busy for time off at the minute - time off wasn't approved in advance. Time off is submitted via a timesheet and has been 'pending approval' for a week. I think regardless that it wasn't officially approved, he had a legal right to the morning off as time off for dependant with no other option. AIBU?

OP posts:
SweetSakura · 01/02/2023 19:04

Your DH should have chased it up /clarified with his manager not just assumed it would be fine

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 01/02/2023 19:05

needabreak5 · 01/02/2023 19:00

But if the leave wasn’t approved then what?

Show quote history

Both of you should have spoken to your employers and explained the situation and come to some kind arrangement.

Just putting in a request on a system isn't enough - he should have asked for a meeting with his manager and explained the problem and what he needed. And you should have done the same.

Original poster
needabreak5 · 01/02/2023 19:10

No to be fair I’ve not heard of sitters.co.uk until this thread. But not sure why people need to be so rude about this.

ive tried childcare.co.uk and bubble in the past with no luck in my area. I’ll try sitters if needed in future - thanks for the recommendation.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 01/02/2023 19:12

I think yanbu to expect his employer to approve time off under the circumstances. You shared the time between you so it wasn't like his employer was taking an unfair hit.

However, your dh was totally unreasonable to just take the time off without the appropriate authorisation. If he hadn't received a response, then he should have chased it up yesterday. That's just common courtesy.

greenacrylicpaint · 01/02/2023 19:12

I think you sorted it perfectly fairly between yourselves. we did it similarly when dc were little.
your dh's employer is unreasonable.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 01/02/2023 19:14

You should get 5 family care per year days to use in situations such as these

Original poster
needabreak5 · 01/02/2023 19:16

CleaningOutMyCloset · 01/02/2023 19:14

You should get 5 family care per year days to use in situations such as these

That would be amazing!!!

OP posts:
Postapocalypticcowgirl · 01/02/2023 19:20

This might sound sarcastic, but it's really not meant that way-

Is your DH in a union? If so, he may need to speak to them about the situation!

FWIW, I can imagine there was a real shortage of emergency childcare available in some areas today, and you can't leave a 6yo alone. Plus, what if you don't have the money to pay for it?

TheStarLady · 01/02/2023 19:22

I was able to wfh today and have taken annual leave for the other days coming up.

There is no way on earth I would leave my DC with some random teenager or person from Sitters etc. I would take unpaid leave as a last resort.

However your husband really should have got his leave authorised in advance. Why didn’t he speak to his manager?

I think both taking a half day was a good compromise really. I get that employers don’t want to be inconvenienced by employees not being able to work, but disruption is the point of the strikes!

Emmamoo89 · 01/02/2023 19:23

HandScreen · 01/02/2023 19:00

Sitters.co.uk. Are you normally this helpless?

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No need to be rude

Thatshipsailed · 01/02/2023 19:23

Sitters.co.uk. Are you normally this helpless

How rude. It is not easy at all to find ad hoc childcare.

agreed it’s not. And it makes me really upset because it perpetuates this nonsense to all the misogynistic / anti parent managers in workplaces. I looked up a days childcare with Sitters just now. It would cost me £150 and offered me 2 pretty strange looking people. Do I want to leave my 5 year old with a total stranger and pay £150 to do so? No. Would they be incredibly upset? Yes. I’d happily use a club or something with others there - which are usually about £30 a day but sitters is not a viable option for this kind of situation.

napody · 01/02/2023 19:29

Legally no, but sounds like they are being shitty. You took half a day each. I imagine they just think 'why can't mum do it all?'
Even more reason why it's good your DH made the request.... it's the only way employers will start to realise that dads are parents too.

Merlott · 01/02/2023 19:49

The employer is at fault here. The strikes have been national news. A chunk of the workforce are parents. The managers should have managed i.e. put 2 brain cells together and come up with a response ahead of time.

Hiding behind ignored leave requests is pathetic.

I say this is sexism against a father in the workplace and utterly shortsighted of the employer as DH now much more likely to leave

WestBridgewater · 01/02/2023 19:52

CleaningOutMyCloset · 01/02/2023 19:14

You should get 5 family care per year days to use in situations such as these

They’re for unforeseen circumstances not a date when you’re given a week’s notice. And you are supposed to use the time when it is an emergency to plan for the following day should it become two days. That could be childcare, family, taking leave or if there’s none available, unpaid.

SleepyRich · 01/02/2023 19:56

I think you could argue his employer has made it become emergency leave by not bothering to reply to his request. If they'd refused giving notice then you might have time to make other arrangements. But given the volume of people who were looking for last minute child care today that could have been impossible without family support.

But it is stuff like this that means it's often easier to just call in sick as opposed to asking.

WestBridgewater · 01/02/2023 19:59

I say this is sexism against a father in the workplace and utterly shortsighted of the employer as DH now much more likely to leave
meanwhile @Merlottthe rest of the parents affected in the UK asked their boss whether their leave request had been agreed rather than doing nothing and taking the day off unauthorised. If you know it usually takes a week to get leave agreed and it’s short notice the onus is on the employee to have a conversation.

Songbird54321 · 01/02/2023 20:25

Pretty much echoing what most others have said. Surely it's common sense to chase up a leave request that hasn't been approved before that date and just not showing up? In that sense he's obviously wrong.
But he has a shitty employer in my opinion. I would wonder if one of their female employees made the request that it would be considered more important/more likely to be approved. I am lucky that my daughter's class was in today. In our office we had 3 men and only 1 woman off due to strikes. My employer understood people's options were limited and we would manage for 1 day a bit short because they don't live under a rock and saw the national news 🙄

Ginger1982 · 01/02/2023 20:30

Why wasn't he chasing up the request if it was 'pending approval?' And the strikes have been known about for ages. He should have asked for the time off long before now and presumably cancelled it if the school was going to be open.

Activelyannoyed · 01/02/2023 20:37

I am stunned at some of these comments. It’s like folks live in some fantasy and have never fucking worked a day in their life.

“the employer is at fault”, “you can take parental leave when you wish”” we should all get five days!”, what a pile of shite.

your employer is not responsible for your child care issues . You are expected to work unless leave approved. There is no legal right to time off if your kid can’t go to school.

welcome to the real world.

op suggest you both get organised for the next 3 strikes

Winniepoo · 01/02/2023 20:38

Time off for dependants covers emergencies at short notice. You've known about the possibility of strikes for weeks and have had time to put an alternative plan in place so no it wouldn't really qualify.

cosmiccosmos · 01/02/2023 20:45

My DH has come home and said that an employee asked for today wfh last week and it was refused. Said employee did not only turn up today but could not be contacted for a zoom meeting or by phone.

I did tell DH that I thought he should have been more understanding/flexible however when he told me what they did I lost all sympathy for them to be honest. This person also claims it was approves when it wasn't.

Thatshipsailed · 01/02/2023 20:48

There is no legal right to time off if your kid can’t go to school

well I mean there is, but you do you and stay full of explosive anger at someone trying to navigate a difficult situation instead of the people that caused the situation (government) or the people not helping it (unhelpful employers) @Activelyannoyed

I just don’t understand how someone could get so angry at someone else struggling with a parenting situation on a parenting site.

Forever42 · 01/02/2023 21:08

What is all this emergency childcare that people are supposed to have in place? I have no family nearby. I've looked onto "emergency nannies" before but there don't seem to be any providers in my area. If DH or I need childcare, one of us has to take time off. We are teachers so can't take holiday but happy to take unpaid leave.

Original poster
needabreak5 · 01/02/2023 21:09

we found out the class was closed on Thursday. FWIW the other classes in DS’s year groups are open and only his teacher striking in his year. The school has also previously said they would very much hope to stay open to all pupils so it was only Thursday we found out. He submitted the time off request same day. Also blocked out his calendar and told his colleagues he wouldn’t be able to work Wednesday am. It’s normal for it to take over a week for leave to be approved as it goes to HR then to his manager. He just thought it would be approved and forgot to check/ follow up.

but as he realised it wasn’t approved this morning and I had already left for work, then I’m thinking this should have been time off for dependants as no other option, he couldn’t have just left DS.

OP posts:
lieselotte · 01/02/2023 21:27

needabreak5 · 01/02/2023 19:16

That would be amazing!!!

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Yes in one of my jobs we got this, it was really useful when ds was small. I think I only used one or two of them, but knowing I had them was reassuring,

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