Neighbour outraged I ignored the door

[Scrumbler]

For context I've lived in my home for 6 years, I have a baby and we get on with our neighbours very well usually.

Yesterday someone banged on the door a few times and I ignored it. I never answer my front door because everyone who I'm expecting use the side door. We get a lot of cold callers and religious people who knock alot so I will never answer it.
Today I see my neighbour and his son has a bandage on and I asked what happened, he'd had an accident yesterday in the street, my neighbour said his wife knocked on my door at the time for me to call an ambulance because she's panicked and left her phone in her house so I said I'd heard the knocking but didn't know what it was.
He looked at me completely gone out and then asked me why I'd ignored her. I explained I obviously didn't know it was an emergency or I would have course answered. But he told me I was selfish and slammed his door as he went in.
I carried on taking my shopping out of the car and then his wife comes out asking if I'd ignored her! I told her I don't answer that door and didn't know it was an emergency but she just went mad shouting how horrible that was and asked what kind of person doesn't answer there door.

I know their probably still shook up but I didn't know what had happened.
To clarify, their child seems fine from what the dad told me before he found out I'd ignored the door and turned out to be a very minor injury. I feel awful it happened but I didn't ignore them on purpose knowing they were needing an ambulance so I think they've been a bit over the top.

That's really not what I said 😂

Just a really strange comment to make that’s all. So I was curious to your take on people who don’t live in deprived areas.

Crime doesn’t just happen in “deprived” areas.

I'm curious to know where this happened.

An ambulance arrived for a minor injury, & then the A&E wait was so minimal that injured party was attended to & back home quickly !

My point re: crime was that a lot of posters were implying (or stating outright) that those of us who are happy to open our doors must live in low crime 'naice' areas. I know that simply isn't true.

I have personal experience of living in deprived inner city areas. But I've never lived in a super affluent area. (Where I live now is nice, but fairly normal, not wealthy). Why would I be commenting outside of my experience?

I've just realised that a month ago, opening the door to a stranger led to a friend avoiding an absolutely huge disaster.
The stranger at the door had found something time-sensitive a friend had lost. If we hadn't opened the door I doubt it would ever have gotten back to him.

But sure, everyone can predict with total accuracy that this will never happen so just make the blanket decision to ignore. The arrogance and poor reasoning ("it's never been an emergency, therefore it never will") is depressing.

Not being part of the community is not the same thing as being shouted at though, is it. It would have been fair enough for the neighbours to decide they don't like OP and ignore her in future, but that's not what they did.

🤦‍♀️

Where has anyone said it would never happen and why would someone not opening their door depress you?

Everyone always says London and the South is very unfriendly. Perhaps that's where the people live who don't open their doors.
And those of us who do open our doors live in the North, Ireland and Scotland.🤔

Exactly this.

An elderly lady knocked on our door for hep when she'd had a car accident. Could have been in real danger if we hadn't helped.

I cannot fathom why you would not answer if you hear the door.

I cannot fathom why you would not answer if you hear the door.

Maybe you should read the comments though. It's really not that hard to understand, even if it's not what you'd do.

Even before @LookingOldTheseDays's comment, I've seen studies that show more deprived neighbourhoods are friendlier than wealthier neighbourhoods. You get to know each other as a result of mutual reliance (eg knock on door to borrow some ketchup, ask for help with childcare). I feel like these studies come up quite frequently in the news.

Also, their observation seems to primarily be city-based. In London (where they say they grew up), deprived areas sometimes sit literal seconds away from wealthy streets, and you can see the stark difference in real life. The layout of my neighbourhood makes this particularly obvious.

At the end of the workday, you can often see neighbours from the poorer areas bumping into each other and mingling on their way home; at most you get brief and hurried pleasantries on the wealthy side, if anything at all.

Also in summer, council house doors are flung open, kids run in and out of houses playing together, the smells of cooking and sounds of chatter emerge, etc. You definitely don't see that on the wealthier side, which mostly hosts pre-arranged parties/playdates within the house.

Not to romanticise anything, but my partner and I have often observed this one aspect of social relations in our neighbourhood.

I'm in Scotland 🤣

I think those of us who find it depressing view this behaviour as reflective of a shift in wider society, and how local communities interact with and support each other. That's what's depressing (to some of us), rather than it being about one specific individual who chose to ignore the door on one specific occasion.

I deactivated my bell when my first was born and have never given it a second thought if I haven't felt like answering my door.

I think your neighbour is unreasonable.

Not answering your door doesn't mean though that you aren't involved in your local community, that's a huge assumption

I chat to my neighbours, go to street events , keep an eye on their house when they are away , put bins out for people etc

I do wonder if those who don’t answer the door are isolated or reclusive in other ways, I do believe a lot will be. The same for folks who both won’t answer their phone or amswer the door.

for me, it’s perfectly normal to answer the door, or answer the phone, and I think it is for the vast majority of people, but there is clearly a minority who won’t answer their doors. Few go as far as the op though, who didn’t even look, most try to see who it is, even if they don’t answer.

looking at the thread, rhe people who don’t answer will never wish to answer, and the folks who do, who are in the majority, will continue to do so if they can.

and neither side will convince the other.

I just want to say that I agree, you're not obligated to answer your door to anyone. All the people in this thread telling you that you should can be safely ignored. They'll also all be the first to tell you that you shouldn't answer your door when it fits their narrative.

The neighbour coming to your house to ask you to call an ambulance is, I suspect, lying. Unless you live in some big country pile, it's not any more difficult to go to your own house (for which you have the key and can easily get in) and call for your own ambulance. The neighbour clearly just wanted attention.

Also in summer, council house doors are flung open, kids run in and out of houses playing together, the smells of cooking and sounds of chatter emerge, etc

Guess this depends too. I grew up in a council flat and it was never like this.

I’m just outside London, I open mine.

Good for you

I don't think it's the neighbours lying......

You are definitely romanticising. I grew up in a poor neighbourhood, ain’t no one was stupid enough To leave their doors open, and no neighbours weren’t hanging round with each other, I now live in a wealthy area and irs much more open, doors are unlocked with kids out, but they are big houses, and neighbours stop and chat. So my experience is the opposite.

I agree completely, @HyggeTygge . I myself have only made a difference once by opening the door (discussed above).

I presume your second paragraph simply articulates the Golden Rule, which research shows even young children can appreciate. I agree with your implication that those who do not feel obliged to open the door or investigate when a possible emergency is indicated, and they are not genuinely indisposed or traumatised, are flouting it.

It is depressing that @Daisymaker is attempting to call you out on the basis that no one has explicitly said ‘it’s my right to ignore a dying woman at my door if I feel like it!’ or an equivalent. When the YABUs drill down on the emergency aspects, the YANBU counterarguments are not very impressive

Oh poetry you are completely making stuff up now , you really need to lighten up