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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt that I didn't get a leaving card/gift when others did.

58 replies

Hurtdoc · 31/01/2023 19:07

I've worked on my ward for 4 months. 2 doctors left (one in Nov one in Dec) after also working there for 4 months. Both got a card, gift, cake to share and a card signed by the whole ward - collection and purchase organised by one particular nurse.

This nurse asked me last week when my last day at work was. Today there was no card or anything in the office. I spent the day wondering if I was being left out. I finally ran into her and she said "good luck in your next job". That was it.

One of the docs kindly got me a card and a bar of chocolate.

It isn't the norm at all to get a leaving gift as a doctor because we rotate every few months and I'd absolutely never expect it. I just feel very hurt to be treated so obviously very differently when the others were given gifts in front of me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
kitcat15 · 31/01/2023 19:13

4 months? 🙄 you wouldn’t have got anything where I work….like ,ost people probably wouldn’t have even known your name

Original poster
Hurtdoc · 31/01/2023 19:14

kitcat15 · 31/01/2023 19:13

4 months? 🙄 you wouldn’t have got anything where I work….like ,ost people probably wouldn’t have even known your name

You seem to have missed the point where the others also worked there for 4 months and were acknowledged.

OP posts:
Mum97540 · 31/01/2023 19:16

Sometimes it can seem as though you've been treated unfairly and it's a reflection on you. It's probably that either the person who organised it knew them better or was a bit more organised that day, or a bit distracted by something else. Try not to take it to heart.

StateOfTheUterus · 31/01/2023 19:16

Were they male Drs? And are you female?
I’ve just noticed that male trainee Drs get better treatment from nursing staff.

EveryoneLovesSausageAndChips · 31/01/2023 19:16

YANBU. it’s really crappy to give to some but not everyone op.

Original poster
Hurtdoc · 31/01/2023 19:17

StateOfTheUterus · 31/01/2023 19:16

Were they male Drs? And are you female?
I’ve just noticed that male trainee Drs get better treatment from nursing staff.

All 3 of us are female.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurtdoc · 31/01/2023 19:18

Mum97540 · 31/01/2023 19:16

Sometimes it can seem as though you've been treated unfairly and it's a reflection on you. It's probably that either the person who organised it knew them better or was a bit more organised that day, or a bit distracted by something else. Try not to take it to heart.

I wouldn't have minded if it was a personal gift, but it was "from the ward".

OP posts:
Jenpeg · 31/01/2023 19:20

StateOfTheUterus · 31/01/2023 19:16

Were they male Drs? And are you female?
I’ve just noticed that male trainee Drs get better treatment from nursing staff.

Ive heard this often

Highlights12 · 31/01/2023 19:22

Could it be everyone broke after Xmas or the fact they've already done 2 collections & people moaning about another one. Might have been different if you were first one to leave

StateOfTheUterus · 31/01/2023 19:22

Yeah, I’d be hurt too. It might be that people have had enough of contributing to leaving gifts (especially when we all feel so skint in January) and you are just the unlucky one where people have finally said no. But yes I’d be fed up too.

Rainbowqueeen · 31/01/2023 19:23

Your feelings are totally valid and I’d feel the same way.
This is why workplaces need to have a set policy about these things and not just allow randoms to do what they like. Sounds like she feels doctors deserve special treatment. It says more about her than it does about you.

Dragonsandcats · 31/01/2023 19:24

I can understand why you’d be hurt. I can get why they wouldn’t keep doing presents if there is a lot of rotation (maybe the staff felt they’d already had to donate enough) but a card would have been a nice gesture.

Original poster
Hurtdoc · 31/01/2023 19:29

Oh yeah I'd totally understand if money was an issue.

I just felt I looked really stupid because I got everyone chocolate and biscuits and they didn't even care I was leaving.

At least a patient made me a card that I'll treasure forever.

OP posts:
Runnerduck34 · 31/01/2023 19:32

Totally valid to feel upset by it. It may well be that everyone's skint, they've had a lot of collections in a row and decided to change policy or the person who usually organises it is really busy etc but yes not to be treated equally as others who have left after same timeframe isn't nice.
Try not to take it to heart, I hope you enjoy your new role/ placement.

Original poster
Hurtdoc · 31/01/2023 19:32

I've also been signed off with depression but I came in on my last day to say goodbye to a patient who was very attached to me and to wrap up some of the jobs I'd worked on. So that probably isn't helping how I feel about this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurtdoc · 31/01/2023 19:32

(By signed off - GP signed me off yesterday)

OP posts:
Fraine · 31/01/2023 19:33

It’s not nice to be treated differently but maybe after organising a ‘card, gift, cake to share and a card signed by the whole ward’ for two people who were there for just 4 months, they’d kinda had enough?

It sounds exhausting.

How many cards, gifts and cakes have you organised for nurses and porters?

Original poster
Hurtdoc · 31/01/2023 19:35

Fraine · 31/01/2023 19:33

It’s not nice to be treated differently but maybe after organising a ‘card, gift, cake to share and a card signed by the whole ward’ for two people who were there for just 4 months, they’d kinda had enough?

It sounds exhausting.

How many cards, gifts and cakes have you organised for nurses and porters?

I've contributed to many leaving gifts for nurses, OT etc.

OP posts:
BasiliskStare · 31/01/2023 19:36

@Hurtdoc - I would not worry. Sometimes things come together and sometimes they don't. I have never been a doctor or a nurse but I would treasure the patient's card more than - Oh x or y is leaving and doing it by rote . I hope you see my point there. If you feel upset then I get that - but I don't think chocolate and biscuits are the end of the world. Personally I would rather have the patient's card - but only you know how you feel. I left work after 23 years and many others got lovely presents after a collection - I did not - but I don't mind I was happy to just go. I think everyone had got bored of sticking money in an envelope. But again just my opinion.

Fraine · 31/01/2023 19:36

Hurtdoc · 31/01/2023 19:35

I've contributed to many leaving gifts for nurses, OT etc.

Show quote history

But have you ever organised any? Contributing is easy, organising is a ball ache.

Original poster
Hurtdoc · 31/01/2023 19:37

BasiliskStare · 31/01/2023 19:36

@Hurtdoc - I would not worry. Sometimes things come together and sometimes they don't. I have never been a doctor or a nurse but I would treasure the patient's card more than - Oh x or y is leaving and doing it by rote . I hope you see my point there. If you feel upset then I get that - but I don't think chocolate and biscuits are the end of the world. Personally I would rather have the patient's card - but only you know how you feel. I left work after 23 years and many others got lovely presents after a collection - I did not - but I don't mind I was happy to just go. I think everyone had got bored of sticking money in an envelope. But again just my opinion.

Working with this one patient made the entire 4 months worthwhile - the card is going on my wall at home. It's an absolutely brilliant thing.

OP posts:
AndNowIKnowWhatHappened · 31/01/2023 19:41

Hurtdoc · 31/01/2023 19:32

I've also been signed off with depression but I came in on my last day to say goodbye to a patient who was very attached to me and to wrap up some of the jobs I'd worked on. So that probably isn't helping how I feel about this.

I think this may be something to do with it. We're you off work for long?

Original poster
Hurtdoc · 31/01/2023 19:42

AndNowIKnowWhatHappened · 31/01/2023 19:41

I think this may be something to do with it. We're you off work for long?

Show quote history

I was only signed off yesterday.

OP posts:
itswednesdayy · 31/01/2023 19:43

that nurse is like me - if I don’t bother with getting a leaving card or gifts, no one else bothers. This includes me being out of pocket when people say they will chip in and don’t. Ultimately it’s not that nurse’s job to get you a card and ensure others sign it - maybe she thought someone else should take the initiative this time? And when they didn’t, maybe it was too late for her to arrange something so you ended up being accidentally left without a card.

try not to take it personally. I think it should be management that organise cards/gifts for special occasions to make things fair and equally respectful.

Original poster
Hurtdoc · 31/01/2023 19:44

itswednesdayy · 31/01/2023 19:43

that nurse is like me - if I don’t bother with getting a leaving card or gifts, no one else bothers. This includes me being out of pocket when people say they will chip in and don’t. Ultimately it’s not that nurse’s job to get you a card and ensure others sign it - maybe she thought someone else should take the initiative this time? And when they didn’t, maybe it was too late for her to arrange something so you ended up being accidentally left without a card.

try not to take it personally. I think it should be management that organise cards/gifts for special occasions to make things fair and equally respectful.

I totally agree it should be management. And actually when I'm a consultant I would personally buy for my juniors as I think that's fairer than leaving it to people on much lower salaries to contribute.

OP posts: