To feel hurt that I didn't get a leaving card/gift when others did.

[Hurtdoc]

I've worked on my ward for 4 months. 2 doctors left (one in Nov one in Dec) after also working there for 4 months. Both got a card, gift, cake to share and a card signed by the whole ward - collection and purchase organised by one particular nurse.

This nurse asked me last week when my last day at work was. Today there was no card or anything in the office. I spent the day wondering if I was being left out. I finally ran into her and she said "good luck in your next job". That was it.

One of the docs kindly got me a card and a bar of chocolate.

It isn't the norm at all to get a leaving gift as a doctor because we rotate every few months and I'd absolutely never expect it. I just feel very hurt to be treated so obviously very differently when the others were given gifts in front of me.

AIBU?

It’s not nice as you’ve obviously been treated differently, but that’s life. Some people are more liked be noticed than others. Some people are more popular than others. In my view it is personal, because obviously you’ve been treated differently but what can you do about it? Not everyone is everyone’s cup of tea, that doesn’t mean you’re not a lovely person. Maybe you just didn’t make the same social impact that others did.

You feel “hurt” that you didn’t get a gift from people who earn less than you and you’ve worked with for 4 months? Get a fucking grip. If that’s your biggest issue now, you’re doing well.

I worked in A&E and the juniors were the ones that brought cake and thank you cards in themselves to thank the other staff for supporting them throughout their rotation. In fact most staff did when they’d leave including myself. Also with shifts etc it wasn’t always easy to catch people, that with the added stress and pressure at the moment. We had some nurses leave after months with big flowers and grand gestures then some that had been there for years and got nothing. It just depends on the place and the people I guess. Unfortunately some places have cliches too, or perhaps the nurse knew the other two Drs previously, worked with them more or got on with them better. I agree what someone said before that perhaps this nurse is fed up of always being the one to organise it, and perhaps she said that she didn’t want to do it anymore after the last two Drs. Or perhaps there’s no reason at all and unfortunately with the way you’re feeling it’s felt personal. You’ll be feeling particularly sensitive if you’ve just been signed off too, so I know it’s hard but try not to dwell on it.

Imagine what its like for the core team if people on 4 month rotations were to expect gifts and cards every time! Yes its common for doctors in training to do short rotations but to the permanent staff that is a lot of changeover and expectation from them!

OP try not to take it personally. It's probably a failure of organisation or communication rather than any reflection only you.

Management need to take responsibility for these things, and have one uniform approach to people leaving. Not just to avoid hurt feelings when some people get a better send off than others, but in recognition that is it usually a female team member doing the unpaid and unrecognised labour of coordinating it.

I worked in the same NHS department for 20 years.
On the day I retired I was told to come back in two weeks as nobody had managed to organise a collection.
Tbf I only gave a months notice.
I went back and got given some fashion earrings, a book and a bottle of champagne.
My manager wasn’t in that day.
My colleagues broke off work for 10 minutes and said they hoped I had a nice retirement.
20 years!

Every other colleague retiring had the meeting room booked for them, a lunchtime buffet provided and often an evening do too. And all senior managers to wish them well. Don’t think mine noticed I left!

i was on Facebook recently and a girl had done a year in the department whilst working towards another job.
She was surrounded by gifts and cards.
Some of us will never be popular, no idea why.

I'm an NHS nurse. With the junior doctors on rotation, I'll only just remembered their name, let alone remembered the fact they've finished. When I trained I spent similar periods on placement and didn't expect anything when I finished.

I think the fact you're depressed means you're more sensitive to these things.

Well try 10 years and no leaving present! Ward manager " Oh she will come back".
Nope I didn't! and that is the reason why.