Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To not want to be my sister's rent guarantor?

72 replies

HaroldTheStallion · 31/01/2023 18:39

I have agreed to sign as my sister's guarantor so that she can rent a flat and I will do so. But I really don't want to and hate that DH and I are in this position.

My sister is bipolar and in addition to this she and I are not close. She blames me for a lot of things to do with our childhood, most of which were not my fault (and some were, but we were both children). She never makes any effort to see me, in fact actively avoiding me, and yet when she wants something I am expected to provide it (expected by our parents and by her).

Before the pandemic, she was living in our home country and I was in the UK. For 3 years, she didn't work, claiming she couldn't find a job (she could have but chose not to) and our father paid her rent and bills. He subsequently had to move to a cheaper flat as she had drained him of so much money he could no longer afford his home. At this point with both my father and sister in danger of becoming homeless, my parents and I encouraged my sister to move to the UK to live with me and my husband. She lived with us rent free for a year.

My sister then, to her credit, got a job and moved out into her own flat, with my husband and I signing as guarantor. This is because our father lives in our home country and can't sign, and our mother is a pensioner without many assets. For 2 years now she has paid her bills and kept her job - it's been great.

Now she wants to move into a larger flat and has asked me to sign as her guarantor again. I didn't really think it through and said yes. But now I just feel like I really don't want to. I wish she could be independent of me and don't feel like keeping on doing things like this for someone who dislikes me.

I am successful and could afford to pay my sister's rent if it came to that. I have also spoken to our father who says if it all goes wrong he will reimburse me and I won't be out of pocket. I know I have to sign because I've agreed to, and because my sister doesn't have anyone else who can do it. So this is just a rant really- I'm just so tired of having my sister like an albatross around my neck. If she actually seemed to like me and made any effort that would be different I suppose but the way it is I feel like such a mug.

YABU = you are an absolute mug and really should not sign even though you're going to anyway

YANBU = if you don't look after your sister including signing as her guarantor in perpetuity she will end up homeless or will drain your dad's finances even further and we can't have that

OP posts:

TomatoSandwiches · 31/01/2023 18:44

I think beggars can't be choosers and if she wants a bigger flat she needs to be in a place where she can do so independently otherwise she needs to gracefully accept and be thankful for what she already has.

I would be worried about why she has requested this change and would not be pandering to someone that holds an unfounded grudge against me.

PixiKitKat · 31/01/2023 18:44

It's awful but renting is difficult here if you are a single person on a regular wage. I've always needed a guarantor as it made it a lot easier to be accepted even though we could easily afford the rent between two of us.
You've said she's paid her rent for the last two years so it doesn't appear that she's out to fleece you of your money.

Sarahcoggles · 31/01/2023 18:44

YABU

lemonsorbetinthesun · 31/01/2023 18:45

When they do a credit check for renting they are only really looking for CCJ’s or IVA’s.

she may not need a guarantor. You say she’s paid her bills etc, so she should be fine.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 31/01/2023 18:52

Listen to Judge Judy and never act as a guarantor for anyone. Especially a sibling who resents you.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 31/01/2023 18:54

You're in a lose lose situation here aren't you. 😔
It must be horrid to feel taken advantage of and not even appreciated or liked.
While your dad is around it is probably helping him cope with loving a daughter who struggles to be fully independent (with all the fear for her well being and the plethora of complicated emotions that goes with that) knowing his other daughter is both willing and able to not let her go under. If I was your dad I would be so so proud of you for what you're doing, and incredibly grateful.

The saving grace is that she doesn't seem to have screwed you over for your first guarantor help, if she had it would be another story.

Scottishskifun · 31/01/2023 18:59

Why does she still need one? Surely her work contract and reference from landlord should be sufficient now?
It's said a guarantor is a fool with a pen I would be very careful!

LakeTiticaca · 31/01/2023 19:02

She's not going to be homeless though is she, she already has a flat. She just wants a bigger one. Tell her she's on her own with this.
And don't feel guilty about it

Alexandernevermind · 31/01/2023 19:02

YABU = you are an absolute mug and really should not sign even though you're going to anyway
Just tell her that you have looked into it and will not now be able to do it, or white lie saying your husband won't allow it.

TheMagicSword · 31/01/2023 19:03

If she’s paid her rent for two years she shouldn’t need a guarantor. If this was the only way to keep a roof over her head that would be one thing. But it’s purely to enable her to move to a bigger flat - nice but unnecessary.

caringcarer · 31/01/2023 19:03

If she is living alone why does she need a bigger flat? I think I'd be asking her that question. Could she save up a couple of months deposit and give to you to hold for her in case of problems down the line? She is working and has been paying her bills but if she is bipolar she could so easily have a bad episode and lose her job. You are taking a lot of stress off of your dDad. He must be so grateful to you. I hope your DH is on board with you. I know when it is a sibling you do everything you can help them.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 31/01/2023 19:07

She bled you dd dry financially, and it's likely she'll do the same to you.

In your shoes op I'd retract the offer and let her sort herself out.

Lodgeornot · 31/01/2023 19:15

She shouldn't need you to guarantor if she's been managing herself fine for 2 years. Say you've looked at your finances and you can't guarantor on a bigger flat so she stays put or becomes truly independent.

Teaandtoast3 · 31/01/2023 19:27

No, No and NO

JoanCandy · 31/01/2023 19:30

You are not being a ‘mug’, you are doing a good thing BUT I would be making it clear that this is the last time you’ll stand as a guarantor.

Turkey18 · 31/01/2023 19:33

I wouldn't do it.

StickofVeg · 31/01/2023 19:56

YABU "sorry but I've realised that signing as a guarantor may impact what we can borrow on your mortgage, so I'm sorry I can't sign"

I could affect you if you want to change what you borrow as it will be counted as a liability. Plus her behaviour and the fact that it's not because she is homeless - just that she wants somewhere bigger.

DixonD · 31/01/2023 20:00

Unfortunately, it’s not just unpaid rent you could be liable for. It’s damage to the property, legal fees etc. It could be thousands. I wouldn’t do this for anyone.

PinkPupZ · 31/01/2023 20:05

Yabu
I refused to for a close relative. I couldn't afford to.comfortably pay it without risking my own home and my own DC.
There are other schemes she can access or save more upfront. It's harder to find one but not impossible. Don't do it!!

soboredtonight · 31/01/2023 20:09

Can you afford her rent if she doesn't pay?

Can you ask for a review after six months of her paying rent to remove you

gamerchick · 31/01/2023 20:12

It's not a case of paying her rent. It's her not paying her rent for a long time and the first you knowing about it is high court bailiffs wanting a lumpa from you. Can you afford that?

Qwerty111 · 31/01/2023 20:12

Has she paid back your dad? If she has disposable income that should be her priority.

Testina · 31/01/2023 20:17

I don’t think you’re unreasonable, I wouldn’t want to do it for someone I didn’t like and didn’t like me.

But… I wouldn’t automatically think it was a pisstake, moving to a bigger place, or needing a guarantor. I had to guarantor for my stepson and he was quite angry (with the housing market, not me!) and even a bit embarrassed. Does the just want somewhere nicer to live, rather than going for a mansion? So your guarantor exposure isn’t much higher?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 31/01/2023 20:22

YABU. You shouldn't have agreed, that's the long and short of it. She's an albatross because you allow it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2023 20:24

Why would she need one now? She has references and a job.

Job's done.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread