Social anxiety - should I just push myself to do things?

[C1239]

I’m fed up of not feeling sociable and feeling anxious before seeing friends etc, I think working from home has actually made this worse for some reason. How do I shake it off? Is it really the more I start being sociable and doing more it’ll feel less daunting? I never used to overthink this which is why it’s frustrating. I like my own company but also want to get the balance back.

In a word, yes.

Unfortunately, yes, it's the only way I've worked through my social anxiety. Just kept forcing myself! It did work, I'm far better now, I wouldn't say I'm anxious often at all anymore. You can do it!

Yes do, but start small and work up so you don't overwhelm yourself with a huge occasion that sets you back.

Yes. Exposure therapy aka practice.

Yes. If this has not been an ongoing problem for you throughout your adult life, I think you just need to push through it.

Start small though so you don't get overwhelmed. Arrange to meet a friend for a coffee but say you only have an hour or whatever you're comfortable with. Or arrange the cinema so that you're out but don't have to communicate too much initially.

Then build on these small successes each time. You'll get there.

Sounds silly but how do you do it if you are feeling really really anxious?! Do you try and ignore the physical symptoms and just push through?

Yes. You have to make yourself do things and it will get easier, if you don't it will get worse and worse. If you don't use muscles you lose the ability, social skills are much the same.

Hi OP. Yes it's the only thing that helped me, at the time you feel it won't help but I promise you it does. Put yourself in uncomfortable positions and you will learn to quickly deal with it and before you know it the mingling thought will eventually diminish x

Yes, sadly this is the only way to get rid of it.

But be realistic, start small and if you don't enjoy something, be honest about whether it was due to anxiety or just that it turns out not to be something that you want to do.

Yes.you tell yourself it's never as bad as you think it will be, and if it is, you can always just go home!

Honestly, yes but start slowly. I usually drive so I have an exit plan if I feel overwhelmed, not that I ever need it really but it’s nice to know I can go if I want to. I also keep meet ups to small groups and don’t over-schedule myself.

Yes. I had to, especially after lockdown.

Not doing it only makes it worse so I now have a regular monthly thing I go to and doing this "safe" thing that I'm comfortable with has made other social things easier to do. It would still be very easy to talk myself out of going to my safe event but I make sure I always go.

What physical symptoms do you have? I take propranolol which helps with the excess adrenaline / racing heart

I used to have an arrangement with DD that she would fake an emergency at home if I needed an exit plan.

Start with smaller achievable targets (a coffee or walk or cinema with a friend) and build up from there. Doing an activity is easier then sitting over a meal

To add to my previous comment:

Small steps, as often as you can - but start slowly so you can pace yourself. Do the thing, focus on the good bits that happened, then let yourself rest. And repeat.

Depends on the occasion I think. If it was for instance the school gate and you normally stand hiding behind a bush, then I'd say go in amongst the crowd and set yourself the task of giving one cheerful hello to somebody who's face you recognise. You do have to ignore the symptoms but by planning in advance it can give you that framework to fall back on a bit. Definitely a bit of fake it til you make it. It helps knowing others don't see the panic in the way that you are feeling it.

The only way to beat anxiety is to expose yourself to whatever it is that makes you anxious over and over again.

There's a few self help books that are good awful in how to manage the physical symptoms of anxiety. It helps me to know that anxiety feels awful but can't actually hurt me, it's caused by a surge of adrenaline which will eventually stop and calm down.

Can I just mention peri menopause here as that can increase feelings of anxiety - might be other health matters adding to things? Or even too much caffeine?!

I’m mid - late 30s, not sure if I would be peri menopausal but I guess it could be?

Sometimes the thought is worse than the reality. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

Yes, it takes work. I used to be so anxious I could barely speak to people. I'm now constantly meeting new people and going on meet ups, which would've given me stomach-churning anxiety when I was younger. None of it comes naturally to me, but you learn to crack on with it anyway even if you're dreading it. I still get nervous but it's absolutely nothing like before.

Pretend to be confident and gradually step out of your comfort zone. "Feel the fear and do it anyway".

If you wait to feel confident to do things you are sabotaging yourself. Practise pretending and one day you will realise you are confident

Yeah it's about exposure really, until you get used to it and these things become the norm.
Echo what others have said about small steps first and when you do manage something take the time to congratulate yourself and recognising that feeling of achievement. You can pull on it to remind yourself and keep going when you're tempted to avoid something the next time.

@MillenialAvocado thats amazing! How did you make such good progress?