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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DPs expensive new car... AIBU?

98 replies

Lro · 31/01/2023 10:44

DP and I have three children between us, and are expecting our fourth in a couple of months. I have a small, but nice car that is on a cheap finance deal, I will own it outright in a year. DP originally took out a cheap finance deal for a similar small, nice car. This isn't the ideal scenario; it means whenever DP has his children we will need to use two cars for days out, trips away etc. The boot of my car isn't massive, so it also means the buggy will take over the whole thing, leaving no room for anything else. I wasn't bothered by any of this though, because we had decided we would both have cheap cars and make these sacrifices to save money.

Today, DP has said he no longer wants the cheap, small car he'd agreed to finance, and has doubled the finance budget. He wants to get a sporty, posher model car. We can afford this, that's not the issue, but we will no longer be saving money. My argument is, if we are now doubling the finance budget, we should get a bigger car that can accommodate all of us. He's adamant that he wants to get a sporty, posh car even though it's impractical.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lro · 31/01/2023 12:54

@PousseyNotMoira His argument is that he works hard (true) and that he should be able to get a car he really likes. That it will be a few more months before the small, cheap car he's agreed to will be ready, and he doesn't want to drive an old banger or have the inconvenience of us sharing a car for now.

He's also saying that if he went for an electric car, and the finance was say £500, you would be saving 'hundreds' in fuel costs. We don't even have a charging point so he'd have to drive somewhere every time it needs charging. I've said, well if the budget is now in the region of £500, why can't we just get the 7 seater and not have the inconvenience of small cars.

OP posts:
Greatly · 31/01/2023 12:56

Both of you having two small cheap cars so that you have to go in tandem is stupid IMO. You need a people carrier for a few years.

Greatly · 31/01/2023 12:57

Lro · 31/01/2023 12:54

@PousseyNotMoira His argument is that he works hard (true) and that he should be able to get a car he really likes. That it will be a few more months before the small, cheap car he's agreed to will be ready, and he doesn't want to drive an old banger or have the inconvenience of us sharing a car for now.

He's also saying that if he went for an electric car, and the finance was say £500, you would be saving 'hundreds' in fuel costs. We don't even have a charging point so he'd have to drive somewhere every time it needs charging. I've said, well if the budget is now in the region of £500, why can't we just get the 7 seater and not have the inconvenience of small cars.

Because I guess you then wouldn't be saving petrol money. Not agreeing with him btw

SmileWithADimple · 31/01/2023 12:58

He's being an absolute dick here OP. Can you think of something equally stupid and inconvenient that you could suggest if he does this?

AngelinaFibres · 31/01/2023 13:05

My exhusband wanted a sporty car. We had children aged 3 and 2 at the time. He then got a mountain bike and then a motorbike with a set of black leathers to pose about in. He final act was to swap me and the children for a 17 year old girlfriend. Is your DH having a midlife crisis Op.

WonderingWanda · 31/01/2023 13:11

Well of course it would be lovely for him have a nice sporty car when he works hard but he had a a second family so he can't afford it.

If you keep your small car and he saved his £500 a month for 10 months you'd have £5k to buy a 7 seater outright, it wouldn't be new or fancy, something like a picasso, but on autotrader there are plenty with reasonable mileage and age. Then he could use the £500 a month towards his sporty car and you could save your £250 from your finance toward the next family car. That would seem like a practical compromise.

Crunchymum · 31/01/2023 13:12

So neither car fits all of you in?

You'd still have to take two cars but it's just his car will be a fancy pants, dearer car as opposed to the small, cheap car?

Selfish prick, especially given the reason you can't all fit in one car are because HE has older children that need to be accommodated for.

crosspusscrossstitcher · 31/01/2023 13:18

@Lro I think he's being quite selfless here.

He's buying a car to carry him and all 4 of his kids and a pram.

That means you get to stay at home and put your feet up and eat nice biscuits while he wrangles the lot of them alone.

Win-win.

Wink
PousseyNotMoira · 31/01/2023 13:22

Lro · 31/01/2023 12:54

@PousseyNotMoira His argument is that he works hard (true) and that he should be able to get a car he really likes. That it will be a few more months before the small, cheap car he's agreed to will be ready, and he doesn't want to drive an old banger or have the inconvenience of us sharing a car for now.

He's also saying that if he went for an electric car, and the finance was say £500, you would be saving 'hundreds' in fuel costs. We don't even have a charging point so he'd have to drive somewhere every time it needs charging. I've said, well if the budget is now in the region of £500, why can't we just get the 7 seater and not have the inconvenience of small cars.

That’s not an argument, though. I assume you work hard, as well - whether inside or outside the home. Do you get to have the car you really like? And why does his desire for a fun car trump your needs as a family?

Ask him.

Verv · 31/01/2023 13:23

Is the other "sporty" car 3 door or 5 door?
Does it have the same capacity re bums on seats but with a bigger engine as the car he currently has?
Does he use a car separately to you and your car, eg to drive to work?

Im not really following but dont see the point in him getting a 7 seater people carrier if most of the time its going to be carrying 1 passenger, and you still have the other car.

It looks like youre a 2 car unit and will remain that way regardless of the sportiness of his potential new car?

Overthebow · 31/01/2023 13:24

I would say you can’t afford it if you won’t be able to save money each month. Savings should be prioritised over a fancy car.

Hellsmovie · 31/01/2023 13:26

Buy a cheap 3rd car that is big enough for every one. Problem solved

Original poster
Lro · 31/01/2023 13:29

@Greatly I get that argument, but this all electric expensive car (£500) vs 7 seater (£400) with money for fuel... It's negligible on the money saved, means we don't have the inconvenience, and he'd have to drive somewhere every time it needs charging.

I think the electric car is a smoke screen because he wants a posher, sportier car, because he could get a different model electric car that doesn't cost £500+ a month...

OP posts:
Original poster
Lro · 31/01/2023 13:36

@Verv He would have an expensive, sporty 5 seater (with 3 doors), and I will have a cheap, small 5 seater. So in his proposed scenario, neither car can fit the whole family in.

If we got a 7 seater, we could alternate use of the cars. The 7 seater as and when we need it, and the 5 seater for general running around etc. On the occasions we both need use of the cars at the same time, he would take the small car, and I'd take the bigger one for my DC and baby.

OP posts:
Hellsmovie · 31/01/2023 13:39

Lro · 31/01/2023 13:36

@Verv He would have an expensive, sporty 5 seater (with 3 doors), and I will have a cheap, small 5 seater. So in his proposed scenario, neither car can fit the whole family in.

If we got a 7 seater, we could alternate use of the cars. The 7 seater as and when we need it, and the 5 seater for general running around etc. On the occasions we both need use of the cars at the same time, he would take the small car, and I'd take the bigger one for my DC and baby.

Couldnt you get an bigger car instead of having a small one? Then swap as and when needed

123InTheSky · 31/01/2023 13:40

I’m going to take a slightly different approach…

If a car isn’t important to someone and it’s purely functional (like how you need a washing machine) than yes of course he’s being totally unreasonable…

But if you have hair/nails/gym membership/any other spends out the family pot- how is this different? It’s easy to pick on just as a change.

Maybe you should look at all household money and reshuffle all the budgets, to meet the collective household priorities. Which may or may not include a 7 seater and/or a sportier car.

Original poster
Lro · 31/01/2023 13:41

@Hellsmovie I could, but he is refusing to have a small, cheap car and says the one he agreed to is 'shit' (and apparently my current car is 'shit' as well, said in the heat of the argument an hour ago). So if I got a big car, we would have a 7 seater car that costs around £400 a month, then his sporty car which is around £500 a month... which is just ridiculous.

OP posts:
Verv · 31/01/2023 13:50

Lro · 31/01/2023 13:36

@Verv He would have an expensive, sporty 5 seater (with 3 doors), and I will have a cheap, small 5 seater. So in his proposed scenario, neither car can fit the whole family in.

If we got a 7 seater, we could alternate use of the cars. The 7 seater as and when we need it, and the 5 seater for general running around etc. On the occasions we both need use of the cars at the same time, he would take the small car, and I'd take the bigger one for my DC and baby.

Ah ok, understood.

Nowdontmakeamess · 31/01/2023 13:52

Well of course it would be lovely for him have a nice sporty car when he works hard but he had a a second family so he can't afford it.

Exactly this. He choose to have more children, they should be the priority. We all want nice things, but if they aren’t practical or we can’t afford them, we can’t have them. It’s called being a responsible adult.

SparkyBlue · 31/01/2023 13:52

He won't need to drive somewhere to charge it you don't need a special charging thingy (not sure what they are called) . We are waiting for one to be installed but manage fine without it. Obviously he is still an idiot and of course you need a family car.

Hellsmovie · 31/01/2023 13:55

Lro · 31/01/2023 13:41

@Hellsmovie I could, but he is refusing to have a small, cheap car and says the one he agreed to is 'shit' (and apparently my current car is 'shit' as well, said in the heat of the argument an hour ago). So if I got a big car, we would have a 7 seater car that costs around £400 a month, then his sporty car which is around £500 a month... which is just ridiculous.

If you can both afford it why comprise?

Cant you both get slight less newer version of the cars you want to bring the monthly cost down? Or get a loan instead of financing

NoGoodUsernamee · 31/01/2023 14:00

£500pm on a car. What a waste of money.

Pinkypurplecloud · 31/01/2023 14:07

Lro · 31/01/2023 13:36

@Verv He would have an expensive, sporty 5 seater (with 3 doors), and I will have a cheap, small 5 seater. So in his proposed scenario, neither car can fit the whole family in.

If we got a 7 seater, we could alternate use of the cars. The 7 seater as and when we need it, and the 5 seater for general running around etc. On the occasions we both need use of the cars at the same time, he would take the small car, and I'd take the bigger one for my DC and baby.

We then he shouldn’t have four children then should he? Consequences and compromises of being a parent in a large family.

You don’t get to have four kids in your family and drive a ridiculous sports car unless you can also afford a family size vehicle.

MyGrandmaLizzie · 31/01/2023 14:08

Mid life crisis it sounds to me

Ponderingwindow · 31/01/2023 14:15

If you aren’t still saving, the household can’t actually afford the more expensive car. What happens when a car needs a repair? That is what savings are for.

the nicer cars people sometimes buy when they get a bit older and get on higher salaries are not an option for him yet. He decided to hop back to the previous step and have another baby. It’s a perfectly valid choice, but it means he doesn’t get the toys other middle aged men get to play with. He has to buy actual toys.