I work in Children’s Services (CS). I’ve worked in two busy inner London LA’s since COVID has been around. MASH/Front Door Teams have a Social Worker on duty 24/7. It wouldn’t and shouldn’t take years for a referral to be followed up, COVID lockdowns or not.
We all worked throughout the lockdowns, even those of us with young children who should have been in school (another story!).
Query exactly why it’s taken so long for CS to contact you. Either way, you’ve been contacted now. A SW will be visiting to carry out a Welfare Check and will take it from there depending on the outcome of the visit.
Re. your Mum - go NC. It doesn’t seem to have changed.
I realised that I should have been on a Child Protection Plan (CP Plan) as a child due to Emotional Abuse, once I started working in Safeguarding. The Physical Abuse happened on the day that my Mum, toddler Sister and I finally packed up and left the family home after an overnight visit to A&E.
I’m practically NC with my Father. He last saw our middle DC 10 years ago when they were 2yrs old and he’s never met our 8yr old DC. He sends me a Birthday text once a year if he remembers, which I respond to. He never sends a text to my younger Sister on her Birthday. She changed her surname as soon as she went to Uni, which he had the audacity to be upset about it when he found out over a decade later. He was sending me random conspiracy videos, eg. COVID over the last few years which I ignore. I told him to stop 1yr ago and it took him a few months to actually stop sending them. I unfortunately see him at family gatherings, such as funerals where he tries to grind me down about not seeing his GC and never setting eyes on our youngest DC. At the last family funeral, he had the brass neck to suggest that I and DH and I should be helping to support him financially in his old age, including giving him a vast amount of money to enable him to buy land abroad so he can build a home, live off the land and retire out there. This after repeatedly messing up his own job prospects/future financial security when I was a child, having no home of his own since then up until now, no private pension, nada!
My Mum is not a bad as yours but I’ve also had a strained relationship with my Mum.
Our relationship has improved over the years as she finally realised that I had no qualms about going NC with her if she did not change her attitude and behaviour towards me and at the time, our eldest DC. Although, I still have to occasionally reinforce boundaries. I also had our first DC when I was quite young. I was 20. My Mum resented being made a young Grandma and was always busy on the 2-3 times I asked her to babysit, even though she admitted to not having any advance plans on the dates in question. I was in my early 20’s, at Uni and also working PT at the time so was not trying to be a party animal. She also used to say inappropriate and not very nice comments around our eldest DC when they were young. The last straw was a refusal to attend eldest DC’s Birthday Party, as she didn’t understand why she needed to be there as it was a kids party. She turned up in the end.
My family members and current friends have seen that I will remove toxic people from my life if necessary. I’m very clear about how I expect people to treat me and my family. I also treat people the way I expect to be treated.
Get receipts! Obtain copies of the messages from your Mum’s friend. Screen shot or print all other forms of communication/ proof re. the CS referral being malicious.
Also last but not least, confront your Mum and record the conversation.
Parents are meant to be loving, caring, nurturing, kind and protective. Cut the toxic BS out of your life and continue to protect your children from this toxic cycle of abuse. Best wishes🍀