To be angry at my son's school

[diaryofadyslexic]

My son is at primary school (year 5).

He is severely dyslexic and, at this stage, is embarrassed about it because he feels stupid in comparison with his peers.

His class teacher is one of the more mature teachers there and is very "old school".

I know the teacher gives weekly spelling tests, but I've just discovered that afterwards she makes all the children stand up and tell the rest of the class how many they got right.

He said he always gets the least. This is so humiliating and really isn't helping his (already low) self esteem.

Am I right in thinking this is an antiquated way of doing things?

I'm feeling pretty upset and angry on his behalf and will be speaking to her!

So, not comparable then.

@Theyweretheworstoftimes

*As many as 1 in 5 people are dyslexic.

40% of dyslexics are Millionaires*

Are you sure about this?

@diaryofadyslexic

Does the adult who works in the classroom have an opinion on this practice?
If so has he/she expressed it to the teacher?

OP, my daughter received an award in sixth form, and the citation was written by her head of department. When she received the certificate, her name was spelled incorrectly (one letter wrong). It turned out to be a computer typo by as assistant, and the certificate was duly replaced, but not before the HOD had worried about whether his citation was correct. This excellent teacher is dyslexic (and is now deputy head!). Your DS sounds lovely and thoughtful too, and I hope that the teacher is able to adapt in line with best practice. You are right to be angry.

There was a survey that concluded that 40% of millionaires polled said they had a form of dyslexia. That's not at all the same as the claim made. Other claims include that most dyslexic people are of average or higher intelligence. Well yes, that's how statistics work. The best evidence we have is that IQ and dyslexia are not linked. I'm still waiting for OP to tell us how she knows her DS is dyslexic because it is highly unlikely that any teacher would behave like this if the school were onboard with the diagnosis. Not that I agree with the teachers behaviour, if true.

21st century definition of dyslexia
Dyslexia influences as many as 1 in 5 people and is a genetic difference in an individual’s ability to learn and process information. As a result, dyslexic individuals have differing abilities, with strengths in creative, problem-solving and communication skills and challenges with spelling, reading and memorising facts.

www.madebydyslexia.org

YANBU.

I don't mean this horribly at all, but why haven't you had the confidence to challenge this already? If I knew this was happening in my son's class, I'd be mentioning it immediately, asking that this doesn't happen again.

I get that teachers know best around a lot of teaching strategies but this woman is just creating problems for many of the children. You son won't be the only one feeling incredibly awkward about it. I would hate to be compared like that as an adult, let alone a young child.

I would write to the teacher and copy in the Head. Explain that you feel this approach could be damaging the confidence of many in the class and it's not condusive to positive encouragement, therefore you ask that it stops.

I work in a school and I can assure you, teachers get it wrong a lot (because they're human) and you won't be the first or last to ask unhelpful practices to end.

Make sure this is 100% true before you get angry.
I had a parent complain that their chil dhad cried and was really upset that we did this in our class. It had literally never happened .

Of course it is not okay. No child should be shamed in front of their class and the lifelong consequences are significant. I am not a teacher but know several and work in a profession in which I am in constant contact with teachers and pastoral support workers who do everything they can (particularly at primary level) to bolster confidence and ensure wellbeing.

Just out of interest- is this a school that is highly oversubscribed in an area where they are not particularly used to offering extra support? I have found that the schools I work with who have a more 'challenging' intake are for more on the ball. Including EHCP support- they just get on with it as early as possible (and it is a lot of work for the school). When I have a child on my caseload are in a school who are less familiar with a challenging intake- well at times I have been shocked by their inability to support those individual children who need additional support. Trying to get them to start the EHCP process...........lots of excuses.

I'd be furious. Like you, it isn't my style to go charging in, but I would be meeting with the Head ASAP. This is unacceptable, and could easily be classed as bullying. The teacher may not be aware of how devastating her actions are, but that isn't an excuse - it shows horribly poor judgement and a lack of empathy on her part, which in turn makes her a poor teacher.

We've been incredibly impressed with the amazing teaching staff both of my kids have had throughout their schooling, and I appreciate that they work extremely hard under difficult conditions. But this is such a no - if a child was physically disabled would she ask them all to give their 100m sprint times?? No. Same difference.

As a former teacher, I’d be very displeased if this sort of public reporting of results was going on in any school I worked in. Of course children and adults are ranked in all sorts of ways for all sorts of things. Exam results, university places, jobs etc. That doesn’t mean it’s alright to have pupils stand up and state what their scores are.

I knew a lad once, whose school used to post the weekly test result on the school gates. He was really traumatised by it.

It needs addressing with the school and OP has said she’ll go politely seeking answers and hopefully, a change in procedure.

If you read my original post you will see that it says I have JUST found out.

I have also immediately had a quiet chat with another adult who works in the class to ensure it's true.

Please read an early update!

@Theyweretheworstoftimes

The statement I was querying was this one.

40% of dyslexics are Millionaires

Your assertion that 40% of dyslexics are millionaires is still erroneous.

I’d be angry and so upset. My oldest child had some difficulties at the beginning of term because of teacher comments/approaches. He’s anxious and awaiting ASD assessment but also academically capable and compliant so not usually in the firing line. His difficulties are less evident in class. The teacher is known for her strict approaches/put downs etc. I emailed the head saying that I was aware addressing this directly with the teacher is the first step and that my email was not an escalation but that there would be one if I didn’t manage to resolve things and listed my concerns. I also wanted the head to be aware as I know there is a pattern that has impacted a large number of children. I had a week before we met so I was calm and unemotional and we had a calm and helpful conversation. I would suggest an email somewhere so it can be built on if need be.

I'm dyslexic and in the 1970's , in our small village school, we had weekly spelling tests. We were all made to stand on our chairs by a vindictive shaming teacher. and those with 10/10 stood down first.
Those few who struggled were left standing on chairs with everyone looking. It was horrible. I'm In my mid 50's and I still feel sick remembering being last for three whole years until we reached middle school.

Please take this to the head teacher. This is disability discrimination. Why is a child who has a disability being made to feel less that his peers. This is never right.

Please protect him.

These are all horrible for a struggling child - but do any of these things still happen anywhere?

At my DCs school - in fact at all schools I know - party invitations are discouraged at school.
Some events on sports week are competitive but entry to those is optional. Other events are collaborative and aim to encourage fitness, health and enjoyment for everyone - run a mile with a smile, sponsored walks or cycles, etc.
Streaming only occurs in particular subjects. For all the rest, the children are in a mixed home room all the way through school.

I thought this was all standard now.
I’m extremely surprised at what’s happening in OP’s son’s class and at the teachers on this thread who do it.

No need to be shirty with me. I just wasn't sure why you need AIBU, it would be a no brainer to me to address this with the school immediately. You don't need other people's opinions, you're his mother and you know what is or isn't acceptable behaviour with regards to his wellbeing.

In classes I have been in as a TA, the teacher would ask the children for their scores but if they would rather not say it in front of the class they could go up to the teacher and tell them quietly OR they wrote the scores in their spelling books which were collected and checked later. I have never worked with a teacher that was not sensitive to the fact that some children struggled with spelling through no fault of their own. That would make me feel angry too. It's always better to manage that in a calm and constructive way rather than go in guns blazing, but be prepared to fight your child's corner if necessary.

I can't see where I've been shirty.

Yes I am his mother and will always do my best for him, but I wanted other people's opinions to ensure I'm not over reacting and to also ensure that this isn't the norm in all schools!

Surely the whole idea of AIBU generally is to get opinions from others.

How awful for your son, this is the awful shit he will remember forever.
No need for humiliation in education.
Hopefully the teacher will stop this when asked.
Make it very clear it hugely upsets your son, she might have no idea.
Recently I asked a teacher to stop keeping all the school hats in a big bag as it was giving my son nits.
She was very apologetic and stopped straight away.

"If you read my original post you will see that it says I have JUST found out."

That's pretty shirty to me.

Anyway, my point was, yes it's humiliating and I would be complaining asap. Not just about this but about how the teacher thought any kind of public comparison was helpful for the children.