Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at my son's school

123 replies

diaryofadyslexic · 27/01/2023 18:57

My son is at primary school (year 5).

He is severely dyslexic and, at this stage, is embarrassed about it because he feels stupid in comparison with his peers.

His class teacher is one of the more mature teachers there and is very "old school".

I know the teacher gives weekly spelling tests, but I've just discovered that afterwards she makes all the children stand up and tell the rest of the class how many they got right.

He said he always gets the least. This is so humiliating and really isn't helping his (already low) self esteem.

Am I right in thinking this is an antiquated way of doing things?

I'm feeling pretty upset and angry on his behalf and will be speaking to her!

OP posts:
Hercisback · 27/01/2023 20:40

@saraclara it's more often the ones that have done very well that don't choose to share.

If you had as much data to enter as we're supposed to, you'd be looking for quicker ways to do it! Students are pretty used to it and it's part of school for them in all subjects. Obviously I'm sensitive about it and will skip a name or two if needed. The opt out is used by all ability levels and attainment scores.

I reserve 'real trauma' for situations that have actual trauma in them.

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/01/2023 20:41

I can't imagine why any teacher would think it was OK even without SN, dyslexia or anything else. Just no!

ittakes2 · 27/01/2023 20:42

I am sorry this is happening to your son - this is why one day I would like to spend some time changing the narrative in schools about disabilities - no wonder his esteem is shot because he is humiliated regularly for his disability. Please tell him of all the famous people who have dyslexia - like Richard Branson - dyslexics are often entrepreneurs as they can think outside the box.

Deeez · 27/01/2023 20:45

I would definitely complain. Surely the teacher should be aware he’s uncomfortable doing this. I’m sad for your son.

Theyweretheworstoftimes · 27/01/2023 20:45

As many as 1 in 5 people are dyslexic.

40% of dyslexics are Millionaires.

Steve Jobs - dyslexic

Albert Einstein - dyslexic

Richard Branson - Dyslexic

Charles Schwab - dyslexic

Ingvar Kamprad -dyslexic

Steven Spielberg - dyslexic

Walt Disney -dyslexic

Cher - dyslexic

Jennifer Anniston-dyslexic

Keira knightley - Dyslexic

Your son will be successful if he is educated in a way that is appropriate for his learning style.

autienotnaughty · 27/01/2023 20:47

I would be furious. Assuming the teacher has some level of intelligence she should be able to work out that a child having to stand up every week and tell the class their low score it's going to impact on their esteem, motivation and confidence and even worse when they have a condition that impacts on their learning. I would speak to the head and see where it goes from there.

Mark19735 · 27/01/2023 21:01

Is "humiliated" a verb or an adjective in this thread?

Humiliation (v) is not an appropriate teaching method. Everyone knows this, and the school's leadership will take a dim view of any teachers employing this as a technique.
But feeling humiliated (adj) means this feeling originates from your son. He needs to communicate this feeling to the teacher (he may need your help with this) and work through why he cannot recognise and celebrate his achievements (in the form of making progress and improving week on week) rather than perceiving this as an insufferable ordeal. He should not be comparing himself to people who are not dyslexic - he should be measuring himself against the best standard he could achieve, and his teacher ought to be helping him understand this. Maybe that's what she thinks she is doing?

Similar situations occur in many other areas of school life. Some kids are streamed into top set, others are in the bottom set. Some kids get invited to lots of parties, others not so many. Sports days are the worst, where some kids finish races with ease, others find it really hard, but usually all are made to compete, and each kid's performance can be fully appraised by everyone present. There is nowhere to hide. The particular horror is always of the last kid being cheered home by the whole assembled crowd - retching, vomiting, fighting back tears and putting a brave face on whilst being 'encouraged' by the PE staff and their classmates who have already 'won'. It's no different ... it's just different kids it happens to. For some reason though, it's considered 'character building' when it's related to sports, and a taboo when it's related to academics. Not sure why that is, if I'm honest.

Didicat · 27/01/2023 21:07

I too would be livid if a teacher did this to my Yr5 DD.

However, how pushy have you been with the school? I have termly meetings to see her progress what interventions she’s been doing with 2 TAs - Emotional Literacy, Handwriting group, quick maths. Spelling tests are done separately without the pressure of time with the TA and 3 other students.

I suggest you ask for a meeting with the class teacher and the schools appointed SENCO.

LBFseBrom · 27/01/2023 21:11

Do talk to the teacher who should know better.

Maray1967 · 27/01/2023 21:12

If I made my students stand up and tell their peers their essay grades I would be sacked.
If a teacher did this to my child I would be very angry.

saraclara · 27/01/2023 21:35

Hercisback · 27/01/2023 20:40

@saraclara it's more often the ones that have done very well that don't choose to share.

If you had as much data to enter as we're supposed to, you'd be looking for quicker ways to do it! Students are pretty used to it and it's part of school for them in all subjects. Obviously I'm sensitive about it and will skip a name or two if needed. The opt out is used by all ability levels and attainment scores.

I reserve 'real trauma' for situations that have actual trauma in them.

I'm a recently retired teacher. And all but one of my family are teachers. I know how hard it is to gather data information, but no, you do not do it by making kids give their results out loud in front of the rest of the class.

KnottyKnitting · 27/01/2023 21:41

I remember a teacher doing this with year 1 pupils back in 1986 when I was doing work experience ahead of my PGCE. I was horrified then but it was a very traditional catholic school who still clung onto the sorts of education I had received there about 10/15 years before. That there are still teachers around that do this nearly 40 years later is totally shocking!

Jagley · 27/01/2023 21:44

You are right to be angry and upset! This sort of thing can be so damaging to children's mental health. My son had similar at that age, children's names were stuck on the wall next to either a sun, cloud or rain. The sun was children who new all their multiplications, cloud was mostly knew them, rain was didn't know them. My son was the only name on the rain. He has learning difficulties that were clear then just not diagnosed. He still now suffers with seriously low self esteem and has no confidence in his abilities. There are ways to encourage children without embarrassing and demeaning them.

jamimmi · 27/01/2023 21:46

I'd be making an appointment. On Monday.with the head and SEN lead. Both my kids are dyslexic. DS had this kind of treatment he is still struggling at 20.to accept help.and denies dyslexia to all. I remember the tears of frustration over spellings. His 6th form spent months helping him get his head round it and 3 B,' s at A level. DD not had.the negative comments and at 15 says my brain just works differently is very open about when she needs help. It needs addressing now.

Scatterbrainbox · 27/01/2023 22:05

I'm a teacher and I think that is disgraceful Definitely speak to school.

Sceptre86 · 27/01/2023 23:29

We had to do this when I was little and I'm 36 now. I always got full marks but I remember feeling bad for the kids that didn't do as well. You would think with all the advances now and better understanding of additional learning needs this wouldn't still be happening. This is not OK. I would complain.

Original poster
diaryofadyslexic · 28/01/2023 01:44

Thanks for your support.

It's so difficult as my son is bright and very observant to what's going on.

He actually said there is more to him that being dyslexic! He wants his peers to also recognise this and the teacher isn't helping!

OP posts:
Wibbly1008 · 28/01/2023 08:26

Being old school Isn’t an excuse for humiliation. Tell her straight this should is not ok . Report this immediately. My dd is not dyslexic but has anxiety and this would seriously damage her.

Badbudgeter · 28/01/2023 08:38

I would complain my eldest is dyslexic and he was essentially sidelined as a naughty child by an old school teacher for two years at primary. Lockdown was a blessing as we were able to teach him outside of that environment and go back to basics with phonics programs.wasn’t diagnosed as dyslexic till p7. At high school now he still struggles with English but they’ve streamed into highest class for maths, where he is acing everything, this has done wonders for academic confidence.

FrenchFancie · 28/01/2023 08:41

As always with school threads - double check what is going on, kids can sometimes get the wrong end of the stick or misinterpret the situation - is the teacher saying ‘who wants to tell me their score?!’ And lots of kids answer meaning he feels pressured to share? Is it a data gathering thing - maybe there are better ways of handling it?

talk to the teacher by all means, but please don’t go charging in like an angry bull - just have a calm constructive conversation. Teachers are frequently getting shouted at and receiving arsey emails from parents and it’s often due to the fact that kids aren’t accurately reporting things that happen at school (not through being malicious, just because they are young and it happens).

Patineur · 28/01/2023 09:38

FrenchFancie · 28/01/2023 08:41

As always with school threads - double check what is going on, kids can sometimes get the wrong end of the stick or misinterpret the situation - is the teacher saying ‘who wants to tell me their score?!’ And lots of kids answer meaning he feels pressured to share? Is it a data gathering thing - maybe there are better ways of handling it?

talk to the teacher by all means, but please don’t go charging in like an angry bull - just have a calm constructive conversation. Teachers are frequently getting shouted at and receiving arsey emails from parents and it’s often due to the fact that kids aren’t accurately reporting things that happen at school (not through being malicious, just because they are young and it happens).

OP has explained that she has already checked with another adult who was in the room.

Toomanywaterwipes · 28/01/2023 09:44

FrenchFancie · 28/01/2023 08:41

As always with school threads - double check what is going on, kids can sometimes get the wrong end of the stick or misinterpret the situation - is the teacher saying ‘who wants to tell me their score?!’ And lots of kids answer meaning he feels pressured to share? Is it a data gathering thing - maybe there are better ways of handling it?

talk to the teacher by all means, but please don’t go charging in like an angry bull - just have a calm constructive conversation. Teachers are frequently getting shouted at and receiving arsey emails from parents and it’s often due to the fact that kids aren’t accurately reporting things that happen at school (not through being malicious, just because they are young and it happens).

It seems kids aren't the only ones who "get the wrong end of the stick and misinterpret things" then!
RTFT or at least OP's comments.

Original poster
diaryofadyslexic · 28/01/2023 12:36

FrenchFancie · 28/01/2023 08:41

As always with school threads - double check what is going on, kids can sometimes get the wrong end of the stick or misinterpret the situation - is the teacher saying ‘who wants to tell me their score?!’ And lots of kids answer meaning he feels pressured to share? Is it a data gathering thing - maybe there are better ways of handling it?

talk to the teacher by all means, but please don’t go charging in like an angry bull - just have a calm constructive conversation. Teachers are frequently getting shouted at and receiving arsey emails from parents and it’s often due to the fact that kids aren’t accurately reporting things that happen at school (not through being malicious, just because they are young and it happens).

I have written many replies stating that I will be talking calmly and respectfully.

I have also double checked the situation with an adult who is in the classroom!

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 28/01/2023 12:38

I know plenty of younger teachers that do this sort of thing. YANBU to be angry about it, but YABU implying that older teachers are “old school”. Most of us move with the times!

watchfulwishes · 28/01/2023 12:38

  1. Of course it is right to be angry - this practice is outdated and dreadful

  2. I would raise with the head, personally - the class teacher sounds a bit of a dinosaur

  3. I have raised this myself when my child was in school despite the fact my child always came up at the top - because it is a disgusting thing to do