To be angry at my son's school

[diaryofadyslexic]

My son is at primary school (year 5).

He is severely dyslexic and, at this stage, is embarrassed about it because he feels stupid in comparison with his peers.

His class teacher is one of the more mature teachers there and is very "old school".

I know the teacher gives weekly spelling tests, but I've just discovered that afterwards she makes all the children stand up and tell the rest of the class how many they got right.

He said he always gets the least. This is so humiliating and really isn't helping his (already low) self esteem.

Am I right in thinking this is an antiquated way of doing things?

I'm feeling pretty upset and angry on his behalf and will be speaking to her!

I know exactly how you feel and it’s so hard isn’t it? My DD is in year 5 and severely dyslexic as well. Are you speaking to the SENCO? I’ve finally managed to get a referral to an educational psychologist… see if you can

Op I have a similar condition to your son which affects my coordination and therefore my handwriting. I remember a teacher who used to find my bad handwriting hilarious and would attempt to read out my creative writing work to my class and wait for them to laugh when she couldn't work out what I'd written. 20 years on I still get upset thinking about it.

These things stay with kids and have a massive effect even though it may seem like a non issue to some (who were clearly never bullied or humiliated at school). Have a word with the teacher as soon as possible and the headteacher if it persists. Protect your child.

My dd is severely dyslexic. She's in y4. She gets different spellings at her level (y2) and is doing a different activity while the rest of the class do their test, and does hers at a different time. Her teacher will scribe for her when it's a comprehension activity (as opposed to handwriting or something) and she uses e.g. times table grid in maths. Your teacher sounds like he doesn't understand dyslexia at all.

The SATs that kids have to do at end of KS2 includes a spelling test, so I get the spelling test part, but it's absolutely unfair to make the kids standup and announce their scores to everyone. How does that help anyone?

I do however feel that those who work hard at learning their spellings should be rewarded just like any other aspect of school.

Thanks.

I've previously spoken with the SENCO about various interventions etc, including an Ed Psych report and an EHCP etc.

Over the years I've spoken with other parents of dyslexic children.

We all feel that it's a lovely school when things are going well. However, school almost doesn't want to test for issues as it means more work for them.

Someone's emotions aren't for you to "fundamentally disagree" with or not. They just are.

OP discovered their child was being publicly humiliated on a weekly basis and said that that made them feel angry. They didn't say they were going to "charge in" (even though you put that in quote marks, as if they did say that) or that they intended to give them hell, they said they were going to speak to the teacher.

It's perfectly possible to both be angry about something and seek support for that online, and to approach the person who's done something that made you feel angry in a reasonable manner.

Please speak to the school. I often ask classes to do this as we are required to enter scores for various things on a system and it is a lot quicker to go in register order and type as you go. However students are always allowed to not say their score and come and tell me later instead.

@JarByTheDoor

Thank you!

And I have said that I'm angry but will have a polite conversation at school.

It's of no use to anyone if I turn up at school and shout. That's not my style anyway.

That is awful. No way on earth I would get children to read out their scores, additional needs or not.

Speak to the teacher in the first instance and, if still no joy, speak to the head. Any issue with either of those and go to the governors. I'm amazed any teacher would think this is okay.

You’re entirely entitled to feel angry. I often feel angry and upset with how my DS with additional needs is (mis)treated at school. And like you I have never raised my voice or used foul language or behaved in a threatening manner. Good luck and I wish you all the best.

I'm a retired teacher and I would be angry about this. Don't go charging in all guns blazing, obviously, but this should never, never happen and needs stopping.

You absolutely have the right to be upset!
But every single parent should be upset whether their kid has special needs or not.
That's a great way to humilate and stomp on a child's confidence.

I taught for over 30 years, this was wrong then and is wrong now. It might be quicker and easier for you but it does nothing for the pupils’ personal academic development and could cause real trauma for some.

You’re definitely not being unreasonable in feeling angry neither would it be unreasonable to talk to the teacher about it. Hopefully it won’t continue after that, but escalate it if it does with an email to the Head.

No child should be made to stand up and give their test scores - it's madness.
Is your dc getting spellings fitted to their ability. Mine is dyslexic too and same age. He gets 4 letter word spellings working on different rules like e making vowel say its name.
Are they given AR books suitable for their ability but not babyish?
I use word hornet book with mine at home and my older son is just completing word wasp. Website cna tell u about it and you can pick up second hand versions

As a teacher I would usually agree with your first part because it’s not about being a mind reader but about the foundations of a child’s future. I roll my eyes at Facebook posts that involve phrases such as “I will be telling that school” but in this case the parent is correct. We have regular training that highlights things like this as an issue, it makes me wonder what else she’s behind the times with.

My teacher did the same to me in primary school and I can still sometimes get a hot flush of humiliation wash over me remembering it nearly 40 years later.

You have every reason to be angry that so unacceptable!
I'm pissed of with my child's school this week too !
He's on the waiting list for an asd assessment (he's clearly autistic it's just taken them 6 years to agree with me!) and suffering from terrible anxiety,his new HLTA keeps threatening him with his biggest trigger if he doesn't comply with her requests 😡.
Sometimes I don't think school staff realise how damaging their behaviour is to already distressed children!

Well I'm a teacher, and I'd be angry too.

Of course, I would be very calm and polite when I went into school to ask about it. But I'd also be pretty steely with it. This is the kind of thing that some of my classmates had to endure back in the '60s. I'm astonished that there's a teacher around today still doin git.

Really? Then I'm appalled. That is inexcusable on your part.

It's bad for lots of kids to have public recitals of marks and grades. I was that kid who always got the top marks in the class in every test, who was frequently made to read out their story or paragraph of explanation or short essay as an example of a good answer, that sort of thing.

It not only opened me up to bullying for being teacher's pet etc. (even though I was far from that for other reasons), it was stressful because of all the comments about "oh yeah, Jar top as usual", "What did you get Jar*, wait, don't tell me, A+ again", and if for some reason I ever didn't get the highest marks, it was a Big Thing with lots of gloating. Essentially, it led to a situation where, for me, trying hard and doing well was not worth anyone commenting on, just status quo and to be expected, but any slip would be noticed, jumped on and potentially gloated over.

I became a neurotic perfectionist, and ended up going nuts in my teens and leaving school with a handful of mediocre GCSEs and serious mental health problems. There were other factors, obviously, but everyday grades and marks being for public consumption did contribute.

I don't want to make it sound like I'm saying what I experienced is as bad as the effect on a severely dyslexic kid, I'm just saying it's shitty practice that hurts lots of children in different ways.

Seriously @Hercisback how on earth do you think thast giving kids permission not to say, is helpful to them? Any kid who asks to tell you later is basically saying to the rest of the class "I did embarrassingly badly"

Be angry at the teacher and request an adaption to the way it’s handled sure, not sure why you’d be angry at the school though? They’re not making the teacher force the kids to stand and reveal their scores and will probably assist you quite well in putting a stop to it…

For those who haven't read my updates!

I am angry and upset to see how this is impacting my son. I have every right to be. Am I not allowed to feel angry inside?

However, if you automatically assume that this means I am going to shout or "kick off" at the school, then this says more about you than it does me. It may be your way of dealing with things but not mine! I will get my point across politely and respectfully!

I don't think mind-reading is needed. Dyslexia is not a new concept, and I would expect all teachers currently working to be well aware of it, and also of their duties under the Equality Act.

Certainly charging in isn't needed, but I would want to make it entirely clear to the school that this needs to stop immediately and the teacher urgently needs some basic disability training.