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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boy breaks grandmother's arm by accident

807 replies

Nimbostratus100 · 27/01/2023 16:41

I am not going to say what happened next and what I think until I have heard a few objective opinions on here

The facts of the case

12 year old boy in sports club, leaving the main entrance on his skateboard, which he has been told is not allowed in the building, knocks over the grandmother coming to collect another child. The grandmother has a broken arm and needed an operation

This is a fairly elite sports club, you need to be able to play to a certain standard to by allowed to join. This boy has played there for a year. No serious trouble, several minor reprimands. Reasonably good player. Turns up for the team probably 80-90% of the time.

This happened last weekend. The sports club is meeting tomorrow. The parents have just heard that this boy has/has not been expelled and will/will not be there.

What do you think should happen? why?

I am allocating the voting by a toss of a coin to be random!

YABU - the boy should be expelled
YANBU - the boy should not be expelled

also, what else should happen, as well as/ instead of being expelled?

Thank you

OP posts:
Peony26 · 28/01/2023 18:59

He’s a 12 year old boy, he couldn’t have foreseen that being daft on a skateboard would have injured someone. It wasn’t malicious it was an accident. He just needs a firm talking to about consequences to him actions and to apologise!

TrashyPanda · 28/01/2023 19:01

“several” reprimands for arguing with the ref, when he’s only been there a year isn’t good

plus the patchy attendance

as for his parents not being there or at matches- they could be working, looking after younger kids etc. it doesn’t mean they are bad parents.

SkippyKangeroo · 28/01/2023 19:05

If this 12yr old doesn't get punished, his entitlement - already through the roof due to him ignoring basic health and safety and general courtesy rules - will be dangerous and out of control.

He doesn't need mollycoddling and understanding, he needs consequences to his selfish, dangerous behaviour.

It was a totally avoidable accident, it only just barely fits into that description. He knew it was reckless behaviour but did it anyway.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 28/01/2023 19:05

TrashyPanda · 28/01/2023 19:01

“several” reprimands for arguing with the ref, when he’s only been there a year isn’t good

plus the patchy attendance

as for his parents not being there or at matches- they could be working, looking after younger kids etc. it doesn’t mean they are bad parents.

This is what I thought to be honest. It demonstrates an unwillingness to accept authority, which has ended in someone being badly injured. A lot of people trying to minimise or excuse it.

Nameneeded · 28/01/2023 19:06

He's 12 !!!!!! They do dumb things. It's part of growing up and unfortunately sone one got hurt. Stop demonising children.

ApiratesaysYarrr · 28/01/2023 19:07

Eleganz · 28/01/2023 18:16

Presuming it is a team sport I'd favour a suspension from the club for a period followed by a further suspension from competitive matches for a further spell and obviously a notice that if he is seen on the premises with a skateboard again he will be excluded from the club permanently.

Excluding him immediately seems harsh, but no consequences is far too lenient as well.

This seems like an excellent and pragmatic solution.

NoBoatsOnSunday · 28/01/2023 19:08

I agree with whoever it was upthread that said adults participating in this ‘protest’ should be banned from the club (assuming they get a warning first).

OP, you should let the club know of the apparent protest in advance, so that it can be nipped in the bud.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 28/01/2023 19:12

Sugarfree23 · 28/01/2023 18:27

So a kid who's doing well at his sport, playing at an elite level, with little interest from his parents. We don't know what else is going on in the kids life. Are they interested in anything he does?

We can assume there is only one place locally he can do the sport at elite level (elite places tend to be few and far between), needs to be local so he can get there himself.

It might have been stupid and careless but it wasn't intentional. Banning him seems really extreme.
What would the consequences be if he hadn't actually hit anyone or only hurt himself would you still be giving him a ban?
The crime is the same

Why are you assuming that he has little interest from his parents ? They may work, they may have other children to look after - any number of things. We can’t assume anything to the point where we excuse what he did. And whether or not he hit anyone or only injured himself is irrelevant. He has been reprimanded several times for arguing with the referee and he ignored being asked not to use the skateboard in the building. This demonstrates an unwillingness to accept authority, and he badly injured someone as a result. That seems to be a fact that few people seem to want to focus on.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 28/01/2023 19:14

NoBoatsOnSunday · 28/01/2023 19:08

I agree with whoever it was upthread that said adults participating in this ‘protest’ should be banned from the club (assuming they get a warning first).

OP, you should let the club know of the apparent protest in advance, so that it can be nipped in the bud.

Why ? Do they not have the right to free speech, or is this just another example of cancel culture if you dare to disagree with something ?

NoBoatsOnSunday · 28/01/2023 19:15

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 28/01/2023 19:14

Why ? Do they not have the right to free speech, or is this just another example of cancel culture if you dare to disagree with something ?

Show quote history

Surely the ‘cancel culture’ here is from those who want to ban a child from a sports club, over an accident that has already been dealt with by the club.

I think a group of adults harassing pre-teen a child is wrong and, if I operated the club, I would not tolerate it.

sunnydaytoday0 · 28/01/2023 19:16

I'm assuming in theory the lady in question could sue for her injuries.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 28/01/2023 19:17

Nameneeded · 28/01/2023 19:06

He's 12 !!!!!! They do dumb things. It's part of growing up and unfortunately sone one got hurt. Stop demonising children.

Have you read the full thread ? Some people are so hell bent on excusing what this boy did, that they’re actually blaming the victim. Wanting a child who has caused serious injury to someone to be punished in a way that allows them to learn, recognise the seriousness of what they’ve done and understand that their actions have consequences is not ‘demonising children’.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 28/01/2023 19:18

Accidents happen. The security in our local supermarket stop kids on their scooters and the yummy mummy’s truly shocked that their kids can’t do exactly as they please have to carry scooters and comfort screaming sophia or Sebastian. The ‘elite’ sports club should have a doorman/security to make sure there are no breeches of rules. But really he could have ran and knocked her over, he’s a kid and shit happens. He should be told there will be a ban if he rides inside again and that’s it. The club should up their game.

SherlockStones · 28/01/2023 19:19

They should be banned for what exactly?

What utter rubbish

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 28/01/2023 19:20

sunnydaytoday0 · 28/01/2023 19:16

I'm assuming in theory the lady in question could sue for her injuries.

She can’t sue the parents, they’re not responsible for the actions of the child. She could sue the child himself, but any reparation wouldn’t be payable until he turns 18. It wasn’t a criminal act so she can’t claim criminal injuries, and she’d have a hard time trying to prove that the club was in any way negligent. So no, nowhere to go with it, despite the fact that she will be incapacitated for some time and that will have a negative impact on her mobility and possibly her finances.

EasterIsland · 28/01/2023 19:21

no, she deserves the sympathy of someone knocked over by a kid who was doing something he was expressly told not to do a short time before

Quite!

No wonder the Relationships and AIBU sections here are full of stories of careless and thoughtless men.

12 years old is old enough to understand that there can be serious consequences from reckless and rule breaking activities.

sunnydaytoday0 · 28/01/2023 19:23

She can’t sue the parents, they’re not responsible for the actions of the child.

That's a shame.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 28/01/2023 19:24

SherlockStones · 28/01/2023 19:19

They should be banned for what exactly?

What utter rubbish

Most posters are making the point that the punishment should fit what he did. Did you miss the fact that he’s been reprimanded several times for arguing with the referee, and had been asked not to skateboard in the building ? So he has an unwillingness to accept authority which has now resulted in him disobeying the request not to skateboard in the building, thus causing significant injury to someone. So what punishment do you think he should face ?

sunnydaytoday0 · 28/01/2023 19:27

She could sue the child himself, but any reparation wouldn’t be payable until he turns 18.

So you confirmed in theory she CAN sue..

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 28/01/2023 19:27

NoBoatsOnSunday · 28/01/2023 19:15

Surely the ‘cancel culture’ here is from those who want to ban a child from a sports club, over an accident that has already been dealt with by the club.

I think a group of adults harassing pre-teen a child is wrong and, if I operated the club, I would not tolerate it.

Show quote history

And if I were a member of that club and threatened with cancellation of my membership for speaking my mind, I would resign it anyway.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 28/01/2023 19:29

sunnydaytoday0 · 28/01/2023 19:27

She could sue the child himself, but any reparation wouldn’t be payable until he turns 18.

So you confirmed in theory she CAN sue..

Theoretically, but it would be expensive and financially probably wouldn’t be worth it unless she has legal insurance to pursue through a solicitor, or on a no win no fee basis. Realistically I don’t think she’d get very far with it.

NoBoatsOnSunday · 28/01/2023 19:30

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 28/01/2023 19:27

And if I were a member of that club and threatened with cancellation of my membership for speaking my mind, I would resign it anyway.

Show quote history

I think that would be a good outcome. It would be best if people participating in the harassment of young children didn’t attend youth clubs.

sunnydaytoday0 · 28/01/2023 19:32

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 28/01/2023 19:29

Theoretically, but it would be expensive and financially probably wouldn’t be worth it unless she has legal insurance to pursue through a solicitor, or on a no win no fee basis. Realistically I don’t think she’d get very far with it.

Show quote history

Well if she did find a no win no fee solicitor then she'd have absolutely nothing to lose and potentially something to gain.

Shell4429 · 28/01/2023 19:33

If it was my arm expulsion wouldn’t go far enough for me.

Supersimkin2 · 28/01/2023 19:35

The kid’s 12 not 4 - too big in every sense to injure someone that badly without comeback.

He’s too old and too told about the rules to claim oblivious innocence for what’s not so much an accident as neglect.

Expulsion’s fine, needs an apology and restitution too.