Is 28 and a half too old to be living at home?

[DanseAvecLesLoups]

I see the last thread got binned via the mumsnet wheel of randomness.

Yes, in my opinion you’re not a child any more at that age. Unless there’s reasons they would need more support, it’s well time to have flown the nest. I didn’t live full time at home from the age of 13, but fully moved out at 20 and have spent a max of 2 consecutive nights there since.
I get that rents are high in the south and house deposits are large, but it’s always been challenging for young people. You don’t get the same standard of living when you move out - you go down to the basics you can afford and build back from there. I think “kids these days” want nice new cars, new iPhones and subscriptions, gym membership, lots of nails/hair/clothes etc and of course you can’t afford all that as well as rent, you have to prioritise your independence and take the compromise on expensive “lifestyle” stuff in the meantime.

Depends on the person.

person A - living at home, whilst saving for a deposit, able to cook, contributes to household chores etc, making plans for the future, ie a fully grown adult - fine

person B - living at home, spends all wages on games, socialising etc, and even borrows money of parents, Not able to cook, wash, ie, cock-
lodger - no.

In answer to the original post it depends. :-)

TBH i moved out at 16, shared a flat with mates, bought my first house at 21 and got on with my life. Its not so easy to do that these days.

My DS is 20 and he works full time. Not a highly paid job but he has PLENTY of disposable cash and is saving £5-600 per month so not wasting it all. He has a nice BMW car which is paid for and he has loads of nights away with mates and holidays. He is living a very healthy life, experiencing things i didnt get the chance to do with little to no pressure. Its exactly what i told him to do when he finished his Alevels and didnt want university.

We decided to get a house big enough that there is no pressure on the family to do this. We discussed the possibility of partners moving in etc. We just wanted to allow our kids to grow up at their pace and if that takes until 28 + then tbh i am not bothered.

I partially moved out when I was 17 (lived between home and bf at the times place) then came back home for 7 months at 21 and officially moved out at 22 🤣 I wish I'd taken the opportunity to save more money when I was that young and living at home/places with really cheap rent. More people seem to be living at home at older ages now because of the cost of renting or buying a house which is fine. It also depends on how well you get on living with parents which for me was so stressful as my DM and I clashed alot.

Nope

Honestly, living at home well into adulthood will become the norm soon. As I said before, the only ones I know who have done it are either high earning couples, those with an inheritance or those who have managed to get council housing.
Some may say that people should just get a shared room but they are also in some areas ridiculously expensive. All that persons money will go on that meaning they cant save for their own places.

Each to their own. Too old for some, perfectly aprioriste for others.

Appropriate

Everyone should be able (i.e. competent in practical and psychological terms) to live independently (unless there are medical reasons which rule it out) but nobody should feel they have to because of some arbitrary age limit. Living with parents, friends or in a house share is fine if everyone involved is happy with the arrangement.

I get that rents are high in the south and house deposits are large, but it’s always been challenging for young people. You don’t get the same standard of living when you move out - you go down to the basics you can afford and build back from there. I think “kids these days” want nice new cars, new iPhones and subscriptions, gym membership, lots of nails/hair/clothes etc and of course you can’t afford all that as well as rent, you have to prioritise your independence and take the compromise on expensive “lifestyle” stuff in the meantime.

Why is it wrong to prioritise having fun, rather than lining a landlord's pockets? Who are you to decide what is preferable? And as a pp said, living at home you can both have money to spend and save so when it finally comes to leaving, you have a bit of a nest egg built up.

I think it depends. There’s a big difference between adults cohabiting and your parents still doing everything for you.
My ex (big clue there) had only ever left home twice, to move in with girlfriends, he must be 34/35 now and still at home he used to use the “saving for a deposit” excuse but last thing I heard he was spanking his salary on finance of a top of the range BMW. He’s got a cushty deal there his mum does his washing and he contributes about £50 a month. That’s a bit tragic… he was on decent money when we were together and still in the same company so I imagine not broke, and lives somewhere where you could buy a small 2 bed house for £100k… it’s just that doing that would mean he couldn’t spunk his entire income on cars and expensive clothes.

Not sure if you’re aware but your tone in “who are you to decide” comes over as very aggressive.

I am entitled to my opinion, which is based on my own experience of being desperate to move out of home as early as possible. For me, it made sense to sacrifice some of the bells and whistles to gain independence.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with allowing your DCs to live off bank of mom and dad while they save for a deposit and I didn’t say there was in my post. Not sure why me giving my opinion, occasioned such an aggressive response.

No but it’s too old to be counting “half” years 😂

28 and a half 😂

My ds moved out at nearly 29. He spent 7 years saving for a house deposit.

Whats the big deal?

It entirely depends on whether you have a end goal in mind. If you plan to move out after x and actually try and reach that goal then it's fine. If you are drifting then the parents aren't doing you any favours in letting you stay.

There is absolutely no rule. I find the obsession with it on here really odd. It's depends on a million different factors. I personally wouldn't like it myself but I don't see an issue if the arrangement suits and works for everyone

I think some people have no choice but to remain at home living with parents in the family home. It is so hard for the younger generation to get a foothold on the property ladder. It was much easier when I left home in the late 80's. My eldest has recently bought her first property as a single person but we have had to help her in order for her to do this. I don't think you can put an age limit on what is deemed the acceptable age to leave home, everyone's circumstances are different.

I’ve just in the past month turned 29 so similar age. I’m married, have a 3.5 y/o and another on the way. We (myself and DH) have a mortgage and both have respectable jobs.

Having had my independence for many years now, I would HATE living at home with my parents. If it works for you though, I wouldn’t worry what others think.

If you didn't live at home from the age of 13, then something has gone badly wrong, or you've pursued education etc away from your family. That is outside the norm. For some people it's 'why leave', rather than why stay. If there aren't enough reasons to leave, then you won't.

Not sure if you’re aware but your tone in “who are you to decide” comes over as very aggressive.

I am entitled to my opinion, which is based on my own experience of being desperate to move out of home as early as possible. For me, it made sense to sacrifice some of the bells and whistles to gain independence.

I suppose I did! I got from your previous post that you thought that everyone should be like you. If that's not what you meant and you were talking specifically about yourself - apologies!

He’s got a cushty deal there his mum does his washing and he contributes about £50 a month. That’s a bit tragic

That's pretty bad! Not so much about the washing as it is as easy enough to bung in all the washing together but I was paying my dad more than that in the 1980s!

I was married with one child, another on the way and a mortgage at 28 (and a half) so it would have felt too old for me to still be living with my parents but I appreciate that everyone's situation is different so who am I to judge.

For some people it's 'why leave', rather than why stay. If there aren't enough reasons to leave, then you won't.

That's the thing. And there are quite a few people who are married with a couple of kids by 28 and a half, so those are pretty obvious reasons why they're not still living with their parents.

29 is too old so you have six months. A lot changes in those six months.