Is 28 and a half too old to be living at home?

[DanseAvecLesLoups]

I see the last thread got binned via the mumsnet wheel of randomness.

Why? I think it's a good thing. There were a couple of threads on here, one recommending that older homeowners should downsize and the other recommending that older council tenants be forced to downsize. This is the other side of the coin. You could just as easily recommend that young people stay at home longer in order to use our countries housing stock more efficiently.

There are good reasons to leave home; going to university, moving to a new area for a job, moving in with partner or even a good friend. Moving to a grotty private rental round the corner from both parents and work, not so much.

That's at least four times now!

I think it’s quite old but increasingly common. It doesn’t matter if you’re happy. I went to uni at 18, moved in with my partner at 21 whilst still at uni. Did 6 years at university and would go back home for a weekend once / twice a year but I’d stay in a hotel nearby.

But I'd be more judgemental about a fully grown adult describing their age as '[any age] and a half'. And a half

What the hell kind of human being describes their age like that beyond 12?

My dad started doing this when he got to his late 60's!

28 and a half is too old to be referring to yourself as 28 and a half. You're 28.

Totally depends on circumstances. We live with my in laws at the moment, as we have relocated to live back near them and it is easier to house hunt being local, plus we’re chain free (sold our previous flat). It’s very much temporary though!

Surely it depends?

I moved out at 18. I'd got 2 DC by the ages of 23. So for me yes. But other people's circumstances might be different

But OP are you going to come back home to your thread

No, depending on the circumstances.

I think everyone should be encouraged to move out when they’re late teens/early twenties to experience living alone and learn how to fend for themselves even if it’s just for 1 year (with back up from mum and dad if they need it) and then they move back home.

I know too many women who go from their parents homes, straight to living with a partner and never learn to be independent.
Then they get stuck in an abusive relationship and don’t want to leave because they feel like the can’t live alone.
The majority of the threads on here about women in crap relationships say this too.

I also think parents would also want their own space too.
If you are an almost 30 year old and still expect your mum to cook and do your laundry then you are taking the piss.

But if you all have your own lives and you contribute towards the rent and bills and help your parents out then I can see it being a good thing as it’s a win-win situation.

Anytime after early primary school age is too old to be referring to half years in age!
As to living with parents, surely as long as everyone is happy and it works for you all then there is no upper limit.

It’s nobody’s business where you live. I can see many 28year olds having to live at home due to the rising costs of mortgages and rent.

I was 23 when I left home and dh was 26 and we have done ok for ourselves.

Yes, I would say I’m more “adult” than she is. To me, being more “adult” means being more independent and having more responsibility - both of those are true in this context. I work harder than she does and the stakes are much higher if I fuck things up. I think, however, it’s not necessarily “better” to be more “adult”. From a well-being perspective, she affords herself more downtime and reflection time and a better social life - which is an indisputably better way to behave. She has a closer and more engaged relationship with her parents and sister, which I’m sure she’ll be glad she did later on in life when her parents have passed away. She’s enjoying her 20s without financial restrictions and will back with fewer “what ifs” and fewer things left on her bucket list. I don’t think being as grown up as possible is really the best way to live your life in all aspects. This isn’t to complain, of course. I love my house and husband and children and dogs - I wouldn’t trade my life for hers. I just think there’s benefits to each.

I moved out at 18 and was married and had two kids and a career at 28, about to buy a house. It wouldn't have been right for me, but I don't care what other people do.

This! There could be many factors as to why someone still lives at home. nobody else’s business but yours.

Depends entirely on individual circumstances.

Probably because you posted it and then buggered off. As trolling efforts go it's a novel approach, I'll give you that.

Why would you be judgemental?

Afternoon all - this thread has been reported to us as a TAAT. We can see that it's not strictly that though and understand why folk wanted to carry on discussing this topic. We've taken a look at the original thread which started by a different poster and can see that it was zapped as the OP was a returning troll. We can also see that we didn't give a proper explanation for the deletion in our message - sorry for that! - and we've now nipped back in and done that.

We're happy to let this thread stand given that it's an interesting discussion. We also really like the phrase 'Mumsnet wheel of randomness' and will be keeping that one saved for future use.

Whatever works for all concerned. I think it also depends on people choosing and wanting to live this way and those who do so because they have no choice, e.g. they cannot afford to move out.

Like @Dumbo18, I have worked with in the same department as a chap in his forties who lived with his parents. The set-up sounded like Ronnie Corbett in 'Sorry'.

PWB 72 1/4

28 is FAR too old to be using the phrase "28 and a half". 27 is. Anything above 12 is. Stop. Please.

It's fine, but as soon as you get to 28 and 10 months you have to rent a bedsit.

Well... Because it's the job of parents to prepare their children for adulthood and then support them to leave the nest and create independent lives and independent identities for themselves. And it's the job of teenagers to push against their parents and emotionally and physically break away from them so that they can become themselves and create lives for themselves.

The only person I know who didn't manage to break away from her parents was absolutely devastated when they died. When her mum died a couple of years ago she was suicidal. She has her mum's taste, she went on holiday with her mum, looked to her mum for emotional and practical support. She works but she has never grown up, never had close friends ('Why would I when I had mum for my friend?') It's desperately sad. Now, in her 50s, she's having to learn all the things that most people learn in the teens and 20s as they break away.

@KStockHERO do you judge people in house/flat shares? If one why not the other? What is it specifically that you judge?

"I think everyone should be encouraged to move out when they’re late teens/early twenties to experience living alone and learn how to fend for themselves even if it’s just for 1 year"

Even in my cheap city that could be £6k wasted.

I know a few brothers and sisters who now house share in their late 50's, that's a really good use of housing stock and for the ones I know, it works really well.
Every case should be looked at individually.

Depends. My youngest didn't move out til then, couldn't afford to but it didn't bother me, finally moved out to live with a partner.

At 26 I was living on my own and had a baby, but a coworker the same age was still living with his parents - but was more professionally advanced and earning more than I was. Who's more of an 'adult' in that scenario?

I don't think it's helpful to try and make a blanket rule or cut-off, it's an individual situation. And a big difference between having your childhood bedroom in a small house and having your own floor of a big house, for example.