Would you judge neighbour if toddlers zip in coat was broken?

[aajzici]

It just happened this morning as we were getting ready so I wrapped it tightly around him in his pram. He was completely cosy but he got out the pram and it ripped even more

My neighbour was out and she make a look at it. She does this often. she's very known in the street for screaming horribly and swearing at her 3 year old.

Would you judge the zip, im so annoyed it happened as we were leaving, I put it in the tumble dryer after washing it never even thought it would break.

I always feel the judgment from her, during the summer the kids played barefoot in the grass then I left the pram outside over nights.

She seems the type to report silly things too

@WindscreenWipe she said she screams and shouts...

*swears

No, the secretive behaviour and rejection of normal friendly neighbourly interaction

No I probably wouldn’t even notice. My oldest daughter has sensory issues and refused to ever wear a coat x

@NoSquirrels I've spoken loads about this to my mum she works with disadvantaged (abused children) she said me reporting this would never go anywhere, that you're allowed to punish children with words etc. she works with kids from really bad backgrounds and the parents still have custody. Some of the kids come in with marks and the people at my mums work endlessly report it but nothing ever comes of it. All that she thinks will happen is they will work out it's me and make my life harder. And mainly the fact it will go no where just out for a visit and say his needs are met within his house.

She's also very well liked in the street and I'm not. The women across the street shouts the same at her kids and downstairs from me I heard him on the phone screaming don't threaten me I will get my 15 year old son to stab you.

I'm the odd one out which is probably why I'm so scared they will judge me.

They've all commented on how" soft" I am with my kids and I'm too gentle. (I follow gentle parenting and I probably am soft (not too soft) because I just can't shout at my kids. I wouldn't shout at a partner or friends/family if they did something wrong so why would I at my kids is my view. I probably am too soft but I get why I don't fit in within my street. Maybe me having these views does make me unlikable but I'm not bothered in my street.

The mums at the school/nursery are very similar to me, obviously we tell our kids off but it's not "I fucking hate you". It's a firm voice with no swearing but I'd never shout like my neighbours do.

@SlashBeef oh I know that one well too haha

Agree.

My DS would never wear gloves and I got some looks as he sat there (quite happily I would add) with his tiny hands bright red with cold - until I had the brainwave of putting long socks on his hands. He never managed to pull them down the full length of his arms, but would happily flap like some sort of demented seal pup.

Zips are always breaking/ sticking/ getting out of alignment. She has no right to judge you (And as lego says, who would she report to anyway? This is very far from being a SS or NSPCC matter - they'd laugh in her face.)

It's a red flag that someone needs help and is hiding that

Let me guess they shout and scream but young children are impeccably dressed, probably in designer clothes, poor girl at the nursery near my dds school was like this, skirt, white socks with bows etc etc, one speck of muck and the poor child would be berated all the way home. If that's the case you will have been judged for a ripped coat but sod it their judgement means nothing and you can just ignore it, there's no one to report it to

I had a shoe and sock refusing toddler who liked nothing better than to whip both off at any opportunity.

Mid-shop, an elderly couple were chatting to me and the man said something like, "Oh, he should have his socks on - you are letting him go cold" and before I had chance to draw breath to explain his wife properly dressed him down, explained how toddlers can be and made him apologise 😂😬

Most people don't judge and those who do get short shrift - but not normally that quickly.

She does this often. she's very known in the street for screaming horribly and swearing at her 3 year old.

You MUST know that YANBU. If you really have to ask MN then I would suggest you work on your confidence.

Wouldn't think twice about it, if I even noticed in the first place.

Life is much better when you stop caring what other people think of you. One of my neighbours is a shouty nutcase and I pretend she doesn't exist. I don't even look at her. Couldn't give two shits what she thinks of parenting.

Mine won't put on a coat most of the time, if she does she likes to have it unzipped for air lol. Don't worry about it

@Emotionalsupportviper I did the tights under leggings method to stop the socks being whipped off. Good way to keep a baby quiet and busy - because they will try their hardest to remove them.

If she’s that angry, she will have well and truly forgotten the zip incident by now.

Wouldn't judge the coat.

If you mean you left your pram out over night with your child inside, then yes, I'd judge. If not though really nothing to worry about.

Nobody normal would care.

In the event you are really anxious over it, then to try to reassure you- very worst case scenario- she reports you to social services, and for some reason they actually bother to come and investigate (they wouldn't), you show them you've brought a new coat/fixed the zip, done.

She sounds horrible though. Poor wee lad.

I would have noticed the zip and as I am good with repairing things would have asked if you wanted me to take a look at it. I wouldn't have even thought to judge though! It's a zip, they break!

Your neighbours' behaviours towards their children sound absolutely horrific.

@aajzici

From your most recent post it sounds like you're a bit intimidated by this woman and her friends (and they do sound a bit scary and have values I don't share and respect). So I can sort of see where you're coming from.

But I'm still not clear what you think will happen as a result of her noticing your child's zip is broken? In an absolute worst case scenario you might get a snarky remark from her about it. Do you seriously think she would report you to SS for this? If she actually did report you what do you think would happen? Social services struggle to deal with kids in physical danger, there's just no way on earth they would trouble themselves with something this trivial.

In the kindest possible way it sounds as if these people make you feel really anxious but you are overthinking it.

Rather than worrying about what this woman thinks of your child's clothes I would focus on a) getting some help with your anxiety and b) if you can, moving away from this place. I realise the second point is probably harder. But it sounds as if these horrible people are making you really second guess yourself and feel unsafe.

You need to grow a thicker skin.

I wouldn’t even notice that. Who cares. You know if your child is comfortable or not.

My DM would notice and would comment to me and I would tell her to mind her own business!

she screams shut the fuck up and I hate you to her 3 year old in rage it's really horrible to hear. They were walking their dog and the 3 year old said I hate this I hate walking the dog and she screamed well I hate you did you ever think of that. Like it's out of the normal, she's always screaming you're a horrible little boy, selfish little boy and it's the way she screams it too, it's really in a rage.

This is tragic. Please, please please report her to SS. This is not normal. Her poor son. Three years old and having names and abuse screamed at him in the street and his home. His mother is scum.