Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend bringing friend to stay

79 replies

crocusfocus · 27/01/2023 09:10

We are currently living abroad in a place where cost of living very high

One of my closest oldest friends is coming to stay for a few days and she is travelling and asked to bring a male friend (platonic) to stay.

Never met him, but the thought is making me feel uncomfortable. I have young kids but also just don't like the thought of someone I dont know in my house.

I know she would be offended if i asked for her to stay alone.
I know it would feel different it was her boyfriend..somehow? Odd I know..

OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 27/01/2023 13:12

I would just say sorry, we don't host strangers

Tulipomania · 27/01/2023 13:13

Mulefathethird · 27/01/2023 10:19

Might be a good way of making a new friend or acquaintance. Would be perfectly normal in a lot of cultures (where happiness levels are higher). It's not for a very long stay.

This ^

If her friend is happy to share the twin room with your friend I don't see the issue. It's likely they'll be out of the house most of the time sightseeing together, which in my book would be a good thing. And I think you have to trust your friend that she is not going to invite a weirdo into your house.

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 27/01/2023 13:17

Charlize43 · 27/01/2023 12:25

Just imagine that she has told you that the relationship is 'platonic' but in fact this male friend is there to provide her with sexual favours and you should see him as her 'emotional support animal.'

It's a different way of looking at it.

This post wins "funniest/ weirdest post of the week.........

MatildaTheCat · 27/01/2023 13:18

YANBU. Was the trip originally planned as a visit to see you and has now morphed into Sonny Boy coming along? Or did she just propose that they both come to stay? Either way there’s nothing in this for you. You are just the hotel and don’t get the nice catch up you would enjoy.

If you go ahead you’ll probably be back here shortly saying they’ve outstayed their welcome and haven’t contributed a bean during their stay.

Don't be scare of offending her. She’s overstepped a line for you. She won’t be aware of that unless you say so. You’ve had some good suggestions on how to phrase it but keep it short and sweet.

Underanothersky · 27/01/2023 13:19

ICanHideButICantRun · 27/01/2023 11:14

People's responses are very odd. If the OP's friend was sleeping with this man, then it seems that's acceptable, but because he's "just" a friend, it's not.

I feel for your friend. She wants to bring her friend on holiday with her to have some companionship on the journey and while she's there, but because she's not sleeping with him, she can't bring him.

I wouldn't let a man I didn't know stay in my house even if he was my friends boyfriend.

gamerchick · 27/01/2023 13:19

Tulipomania · 27/01/2023 13:13

This ^

If her friend is happy to share the twin room with your friend I don't see the issue. It's likely they'll be out of the house most of the time sightseeing together, which in my book would be a good thing. And I think you have to trust your friend that she is not going to invite a weirdo into your house.

Show quote history

In that case, if they want to use the OP as a hotel, they can book a hotel.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/01/2023 13:25

Absolutely not. “I’m not comfortable having a stranger stay in my house”

Honestly, the cheek of some people

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/01/2023 13:27

I also don’t give adults my children’s rooms - unless v close family when the children aren’t there, eg my mum did stay In dd’s room when Dd was at exh’s.

I don’t ask my children to give up their rooms - I’d give up mine before I’d do that.

MeridianB · 27/01/2023 13:28

YANBU.

Maybe easier to say no to both and offer to help them find accomodation, because the male pal will surely come over to your house anyway?

And then your son doesn't need to move out of his room.

MargaritaRita · 27/01/2023 13:31

The man in this situation is a total freeloading idiot with no empathy. I cannot believe that a stranger is ok with staying with another family (strangers) just like that. How do people do this? They have some neck on them.

Your friend probably mentioned in passing that she was going to visit your wonderful home and he jumped in with a self invitation. Bin it quick!

I'd just say (and I thought about it for a while too...) "Hi Mary, I was so looking forward to seeing you and catching up. I'm not comfortable with Jack staying aswell as I don't know him at all and him being with you will change things a lot for your visit to us. He can stay nearby and visit us for lunch dinner etc. no problem, but he cannot stay here and I am sure you understand that from my point of view."

LookItsMeAgain · 27/01/2023 13:33

Charlize43 · 27/01/2023 12:25

Just imagine that she has told you that the relationship is 'platonic' but in fact this male friend is there to provide her with sexual favours and you should see him as her 'emotional support animal.'

It's a different way of looking at it.

I beg your pardon....what did I just read???? 🤔😬

LookItsMeAgain · 27/01/2023 13:36

Bollindger · 27/01/2023 11:08

Dear friend,
While I am glad you want to visit my city, I was happy to have you visit alone, I think since you are holidaying with someone else, it would be better if you both book a hotel, as I would not feel comfortable with hosting a stranger.
Let me know if when you visit you want to meet for a drink as would love to see you. OP.

This is a decent and thought out response to the situation you now find yourself in.

Janbohonut · 27/01/2023 13:44

Just say no.

"If it's you and someone else it might be better to get a hotel, I don't feel comfortable with someone I haven't met staying."

musingsinmidlife · 27/01/2023 13:50

I think this depends on where the two of them travelling and a stop at your place was just one stop on the trip or was the entire trip just to visit you?

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 27/01/2023 13:56

Charlize43 · 27/01/2023 12:25

Just imagine that she has told you that the relationship is 'platonic' but in fact this male friend is there to provide her with sexual favours and you should see him as her 'emotional support animal.'

It's a different way of looking at it.

😂 Fuck's sake. Bit of a reach there!!!

@crocusfocus YANBU, just say no. You don't know him and you don't want him in your home. Up to her if she wants to whine and moan like a spoilt toddler.

MeridianB · 27/01/2023 13:56

LookItsMeAgain · 27/01/2023 13:36

This is a decent and thought out response to the situation you now find yourself in.

Show quote history

Agree, this is really clear. Don't be afraid to send this - she hasn't been afraid to try to land you with a stranger in your home!

Dutch1e · 27/01/2023 13:59

I think I'd just tell her the truth. "Hi friend, I know this will sound out of character for me but since having kids I've become really cautious about who I let into their/my home. I'm sure your friend is lovely, I'm just not comfortable."

Then see what she comes back with and take it from there.

Lavenderflower · 27/01/2023 14:03

I would explain your concerns. I don't think you are being unreasonable. Hopefully, she will understand.

idonotmind · 27/01/2023 14:23

Er, no?

Why do people have such a problem saying no?

idonotmind · 27/01/2023 14:24

she hasn't been afraid to try to land you with a stranger in your home!

*

This. She has put YOU in an uncomfortable position

MargaritaRita · 27/01/2023 14:26

Wonder what the stranger thinks of his imposition on your family?

Notmyyearthisyear · 27/01/2023 14:34

I will never understand the need some people have to type up the entire response for OP. She is asking for an opinion, not someone help her find the right words… strangely, such posters rarely seem to have anything kind or positive to say 🤷

Namechange800 · 27/01/2023 14:38

Hi OP. You should definitely not let this chap stay - you have a duty to safeguard your children, he could be anyone - you know nothing about his background. Chances are, he is probably fine but you don't know that - if anything went wrong, you could be criticised by Children's Services for making risky decisions. I would just say Hi X. Really sorry I've had a think and I'm happy for you to stay but not Y. Prior to having the kids I wouldn't have minded but with the children at home I'm not comfortable about a stranger staying. You are very welcome but I would completely understand if you want to stay with Y somewhere else and we can still meet up during the day. xx'

Felicity42 · 27/01/2023 14:38

Janbohonut · 27/01/2023 13:44

Just say no.

"If it's you and someone else it might be better to get a hotel, I don't feel comfortable with someone I haven't met staying."

This

Rainbowshine · 27/01/2023 14:42

I’d say something like
“That’s going to be impossible to do as it’s not going to fit in with the kids and our home isn’t really a very good place for overnight visitors at this time. It’s best if we met up when you are in the area. I could ask around for recommendations for other accommodation nearby if that is helpful.”

You’re not lying - just pointing out that your home isn’t the right place for them to stay.