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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You can't claim for this?

126 replies

Hop27 · 27/01/2023 00:20

That you can't make a claim for spousal support and half of someone's pension if you were never married, and split up over 10 years ago?
CM paid in full, above legal obligation, plus additional expenses, private school, holidays, clothes, holiday & birthdays etc.

OP posts:
DifficultBloodyWoman · 27/01/2023 00:45

Assuming you are in the UK, no, I’m pretty sure you can’t. I’m curious about the background to this though.

ZenNudist · 27/01/2023 00:46

Why?

TequilaNights · 27/01/2023 00:47

I mean, you can claim for it, but whether anything came of it, is a different matter.

HirplesWithHaggis · 27/01/2023 00:48

No, not in the UK if never married. But if divorced without a financial settlement, I think there can be.

minou123 · 27/01/2023 00:52

I'm going to speculate......

So, your ex girlfriend/boyfriend (not narried), who you have children with, have been split up for 10 years.
Over the last 10 years, you've paid child maintenance and other costs.

Now, your ex girlfriend/boyfriend wants you to pay spousal support and have half your pension. Is that right?

If you're in the UK, they wont be successful. They can try, but they won't get anywhere.

Original poster
Hop27 · 27/01/2023 02:51

Just feel they are entitled to it!

OP posts:
DrMarciaFieldstone · 27/01/2023 02:54

No, not a chance.

Tell them to look up ‘spouse’ in the dictionary

cloudrunner · 27/01/2023 02:55

No. Not I. The UK. Not married, no contract. The only obligation is to the children.

ApolloandDaphne · 27/01/2023 03:58

They were never a spouse so they can't claim for this.

ArcticSkewer · 27/01/2023 03:59

Some people are that thick. I've met them.
No, they can't win that claim.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 27/01/2023 05:33

Well they may be entitled to it morally, but legally the UK has decided there is no such thing as defacto relationships which obligate financial support.

So if whoever you are talking about wanted to have the option of the future support they should have married.

Aprilx · 27/01/2023 05:38

Spousal support is uncommon even for ex spouses these days. And of course it is non existent for people that were not married.

Original poster
Hop27 · 27/01/2023 11:24

I thought it was a complete no go but wasn't sure if someone was bitter enough they could make an attempt at it!

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 27/01/2023 11:26

Hop27 · 27/01/2023 11:24

I thought it was a complete no go but wasn't sure if someone was bitter enough they could make an attempt at it!

Of course they can try

Original poster
Hop27 · 27/01/2023 11:34

On what grounds would it be awarded?

OP posts:
LaLuz7 · 27/01/2023 11:35

DrMarciaFieldstone · 27/01/2023 02:54

No, not a chance.

Tell them to look up ‘spouse’ in the dictionary

This. Spousal support is for spouses. Girlfriends are not wives. She sounds dumb.

peaceandpotato · 27/01/2023 11:36

Let them claim and waste all their money

minou123 · 27/01/2023 11:36

Hop27 · 27/01/2023 11:34

On what grounds would it be awarded?

None.

They can try, although I'm at a loss of where they would go to make a claim.

Even if they try to make a claim, it would be a waste of thier time. It won't be awarded.

LaLuz7 · 27/01/2023 11:37

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 27/01/2023 05:33

Well they may be entitled to it morally, but legally the UK has decided there is no such thing as defacto relationships which obligate financial support.

So if whoever you are talking about wanted to have the option of the future support they should have married.

Why morally? If you want the legal and financial protection of marriage, you get married. You don't have kids with someone who won't marry you and then act surprised.

Women need to smarten up

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 27/01/2023 11:38

Of course they can't - they weren't a spouse so they can't get 'spousal' anything.

minou123 · 27/01/2023 11:42

Hop27 · 27/01/2023 11:24

I thought it was a complete no go but wasn't sure if someone was bitter enough they could make an attempt at it!

I'm going to admit it.....I am super nosey and your thread intrigues me.

Any chance you are willing to share with us exactly what is happening? Who is this about, what did they say?

You dont have to. I'm being cheeky.
Im bored, I need details. And before anyone shouts at me, yes I know, I need to get a life.

Chickenly · 27/01/2023 11:43

You can claim for anything you want - you won’t get it though.

Chowtime · 27/01/2023 11:43

That you can't make a claim for spousal support and half of someone's pension if you were never married, and split up over 10 years ago?

spousal support is for ex spouses - the clue is in the name. You don't have to give someone half of your pension, no, no matter when you split up.

There is a massive legal difference between splitting up with someone and getting a divorce - they are not the same thing AT ALL.

Dixiechickonhols · 27/01/2023 11:54

Not married. In England no, it’s not possible. What would they be bringing a claim under?
Thats the point of being unmarried each party retains own assets. No obligation to ex girlfriend or boyfriend when split.
Spousal maintenance is rare anyway / only awarded in limited circumstances.

Original poster
Hop27 · 27/01/2023 11:54

DH's ex was throwing at tantrum, kicking off because her CM is coming to an end in the next couple of years and she isn't in a good financial position. DH are planning to divert the CM direct to DSS once he's 18 until he is 21, in the hope he'll leave uni with minimal debt. (If we can still
afford to do so)
This wasn't popular with his ex so she is threatening 'legal' action for withholding Spousal Support 😵‍💫

OP posts: