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AIBU?

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Original poster

You can't claim for this?

126 replies

Hop27 · 27/01/2023 00:20

That you can't make a claim for spousal support and half of someone's pension if you were never married, and split up over 10 years ago?
CM paid in full, above legal obligation, plus additional expenses, private school, holidays, clothes, holiday & birthdays etc.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 27/01/2023 14:37

QOD · 27/01/2023 12:53

had this with my sisters husband, didnt seem fair to be honest.
She was still providing a home and bedroom and bills clothes etc etc but the child got the money direct. meant she threw the kid out and he has had to support himself since age 18 (sisters husbands ex wife that is)
i am torn

This is about the legal side.
Legally you do not gave to provide a home for your adult (over18) offspring
There is no claim in law

DrMarciaFieldstone · 27/01/2023 14:38

Willyoujustbequiet · 27/01/2023 14:29

He can't

Child maintenance is payable to 20 not 18 if in full time education.

Show quote history

Again, NOT if the education is university. This applies to A levels or équivalant

LaLuz7 · 27/01/2023 14:38

Common law partnership would do more harm than good to women. It would protect unmarried mothers, but I would also harm lots of women who would find themselves financially entangled with lazy cocklodgers just by virtue of living together. And you couldn't opt of that that, unless you chose to live apart.

Women who don't want to marry because they are independent/the higher earner in the relationship would be majorly screwed over.

The legal protection of marriage is adequate and needs to be an "opt-in" process, not a default state.

LaLuz7 · 27/01/2023 14:39

*opt out of that

ReluctantCourier · 27/01/2023 14:40

Op I imagine she’s already got half of what she wants by getting in your heads about it

Dixiechickonhols · 27/01/2023 14:43

Willyoujustbequiet · 27/01/2023 14:29

He can't

Child maintenance is payable to 20 not 18 if in full time education.

Show quote history

No it’s only payable until teen leaves none advanced education eg A level. Uni is advanced education and rules are clear no need to pay cm.
It’s a perfectly reasonable to pay monies directly to your dc at uni.
The DH in this case has no legal obligations to his ex girlfriend.

ReluctantCourier · 27/01/2023 14:47

@QOD my financial order is until end of first degree so it is possible now to guard against this!

Willyoujustbequiet · 27/01/2023 14:49

DrMarciaFieldstone · 27/01/2023 14:38

Again, NOT if the education is university. This applies to A levels or équivalant

Show quote history

Sorry, yes further education not higher.

Dixiechickonhols · 27/01/2023 14:56

ReluctantCourier · 27/01/2023 14:47

@QOD my financial order is until end of first degree so it is possible now to guard against this!

But you were married and had a financial order on divorce presumably.
The ex in this case was unmarried so no financial order.

ReluctantCourier · 27/01/2023 15:01

Yes but qod mentioned her sister’s husband :)

Dixiechickonhols · 27/01/2023 15:10

ReluctantCourier · 27/01/2023 15:01

Yes but qod mentioned her sister’s husband :)

Ah didn’t see that.
Just didn’t want op thinking the ex girlfriend had a mechanism to claim monies.

XmasElf10 · 27/01/2023 15:12

I don't think he can pay his CM to the child after 18. He needs to check that. If the child is still in full time education he is required to pay CM and I think he has to pay it to the parent not the child. If he pays it to the child and she claims through CMS he may end up having to pay her back-pay.

No if they were never married she is not entitled to anything financially unless there were legally joint assets (e.g. house bought in the names of both parties).

TheBigWangTheory · 27/01/2023 15:14

XmasElf10 · 27/01/2023 15:12

I don't think he can pay his CM to the child after 18. He needs to check that. If the child is still in full time education he is required to pay CM and I think he has to pay it to the parent not the child. If he pays it to the child and she claims through CMS he may end up having to pay her back-pay.

No if they were never married she is not entitled to anything financially unless there were legally joint assets (e.g. house bought in the names of both parties).

All kinds of wrong

Birdsbirdsbirds · 27/01/2023 15:20

XmasElf10 · 27/01/2023 15:12

I don't think he can pay his CM to the child after 18. He needs to check that. If the child is still in full time education he is required to pay CM and I think he has to pay it to the parent not the child. If he pays it to the child and she claims through CMS he may end up having to pay her back-pay.

No if they were never married she is not entitled to anything financially unless there were legally joint assets (e.g. house bought in the names of both parties).

Nope, as a pp has stated several times, further education ie uni does not count. You do not pay child maintenance for an adult attending university.

In this instance, ops dh is choosing to support his adult child through university, which is excellent if you can afford it. Perfectly legal and sensible imo.

Birdsbirdsbirds · 27/01/2023 15:21

Also not such thing as back pay with CMS.

JudgeJ · 27/01/2023 15:29

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/01/2023 12:33

DH's ex was throwing at tantrum, kicking off because her CM is coming to an end in the next couple of years and she isn't in a good financial position

Then unless she's genuinely unable to work, she should have sorted her own finances out before now shouldn't she?
It's not as if CM coming to an end is any surprise, and after all your DH is doing the decent thing in transferring the money to his DS, when some would have stopped paying it completely

Even if she can convince everyone that she is unable to work she isn't your husband's responsibility. DIdn't she realise that her child would attain his majority or did she expect to be able to sponge forever?

DrMarciaFieldstone · 27/01/2023 15:47

ReluctantCourier · 27/01/2023 14:47

@QOD my financial order is until end of first degree so it is possible now to guard against this!

If it’s a consent order, NRP can lodge a CMS claim after 366 days (one year and one day), which will negate the child maintenance portion of the financial order immediately. The standard CMS terms then apply. These also only apply to marriages in the first place.

ReluctantCourier · 27/01/2023 16:06

@DrMarciaFieldstone I am aware of this and did wonder why it was put in until end of first degree with that in mind. I don’t think ExH is particularly motivated to cut it, it’s been in place 6 years now but I guess I’ll have to see!

BashfulClam · 27/01/2023 16:10

Do it looks like the ex didn’t see it as child maintenance but money for herself. No claim can be made and even if they had been married it would be unlikely to succeed unless sue can prove that him leaving led to her having financial issues and that would need to happen when they first split. Nope she will have to support herself like all other adults do.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/01/2023 17:34

Even if she can convince everyone that she is unable to work she isn't your husband's responsibility

So very true, JudgeJ ... I just didn't want to assume the ex's working capacity before blaming her for not sorting out her own situation

And while there are the usual calls for this to be taught in schools, I'm not convinced it would make much difference. Once someone's convinced themselves that their DP is "one of the good guys" they can be impervious to suggestions no matter how well meant

itswednesdayy · 27/01/2023 17:37

If they were never married, plus apart for over a decade, why would she think she’s entitled to 50% of his pension? Sounds a bit grabby…I would hate if I was linked so closely to an ex for the rest of my life. I’d probably just stop working out of spite.

Birdsbirdsbirds · 27/01/2023 17:43

itswednesdayy · 27/01/2023 17:37

If they were never married, plus apart for over a decade, why would she think she’s entitled to 50% of his pension? Sounds a bit grabby…I would hate if I was linked so closely to an ex for the rest of my life. I’d probably just stop working out of spite.

Lord knows. Some people genuinely believe the world owes them a favour.

minou123 · 27/01/2023 17:54

Some people do think the myth of common law partner exists in the UK. Ive seen thread after thread of people who think that just because you lived together, unmarried, means you have the same legal protection as married couples.

The worst stupid thing I heard was from my own family. A family member lived with his girlfriend, who had 2 children by someone else, ie they were not his children.
Anyway , they didn't get married, but lived together and she broke up with him.
He was devastated he couldn't see the children anymore. Some idiot friend told him that because he had been essentially the "dad" for a few years, he had legal rights and should go to court to get visitation rights.
It was a long night, when I had to explain to him that he wasn't even the stepfather and even so, he had no rights to see the children.

SueVineer · 27/01/2023 18:37

Dixiechickonhols · 27/01/2023 13:42

Yes not saying was case here just it isn’t as simple as don’t give up job.
I was 30 yr old fit healthy professional intending to work after.
I developed a life threatening condition as a result of pregnancy which impacted ability to work/pension all my 30s.
I also had the double whammy of a physically disabled child (undetected on all scans)
I did work pt but my earning power was restricted. Only women suffer birth injuries/health complications.
I was married and we are still together but if we had split (I think stats are 90% of couples with a disabled child split) I’d have been grateful for the protection of marriage.

Show quote history

birth injuries that leave women severely disabled are thankfully extremely rare. Certainly not a reason why we should continue with the sexist trope of “marry for financial protection”. Get a man to provide for you and so on. We should think of women with this attitude in the same way we think of men who marry for money. It’s 2023 and we can make our own money

SueVineer · 27/01/2023 18:42

minou123 · 27/01/2023 17:54

Some people do think the myth of common law partner exists in the UK. Ive seen thread after thread of people who think that just because you lived together, unmarried, means you have the same legal protection as married couples.

The worst stupid thing I heard was from my own family. A family member lived with his girlfriend, who had 2 children by someone else, ie they were not his children.
Anyway , they didn't get married, but lived together and she broke up with him.
He was devastated he couldn't see the children anymore. Some idiot friend told him that because he had been essentially the "dad" for a few years, he had legal rights and should go to court to get visitation rights.
It was a long night, when I had to explain to him that he wasn't even the stepfather and even so, he had no rights to see the children.

Actually anyone can apply to court to have parental rights or access rights to children including an ex step parent. The court will of course decide if it’s in the child’s best interests but generally a step parent with a close relationship would have a good chance at getting an order (if needed- older kids could choose on their own). That’s a shame he didn’t seek legal advice but instead listened to people who knew nothing about it.