Single man hosting young female Ukrainian refugee

[Jumpingovertherainbow]

Would appreciate your thoughts/impressions here! Is it normal or worrying for a single man aged 41 to be applying to host a Ukrainian female refugee aged 23, who he met on a Facebook group (yes I am aware there are other more reputable organisations organising hosting)? For context this is my ex and we co-parent (have been doing fairly well with a few wobbles, until now). DC is against this (and will have to give up room at his home for the duration however long that will be). I have just found out that he has started the process. He says it makes him feel happy to be helping. Cannot host a man due to safeguarding concerns with our DC. Cannot host a mum and child as would impose too many lifestyle restrictions has tried). Worried to give more details as this could already be outing and not sure how this will impact us or how I should react. Maybe some of you have experience or known people in similar scenarios. AIBU to think that this is something to be concerned about, as opposed to congratulating him on his generosity? I just don't know if I should rely on my gut feelings and/or if past emotions are making me see things in a more biased way and I want to start from a more neutral starting point if possible. Thanks!

@Jumpingovertherainbow if he is doing this through the government scheme, he will have to commit to either six months or a year. And your DC might well not be co sleeping at that point.

If you contact the council, who will be inspecting his home beforehand, they will not tell him. His home has to be checked anyway, so them coming to see him will not indicate that anyone has reported him.

I can see why he's getting angsty. Presumably he has made all sorts of promises to this young woman, so suddenly backing out is going to be difficult. Again, if the council doesn't pass his application, that's his get out clause.

Seriously, just give them a ring. You don't have to give any names until they can assure you that he will not know that you expressed your concerns.

He shouldn’t tell his DC to give up their room to host a refugee, that’s terrible parenting.

Any refugee that accepts this offer is either completely desperate, or looking for a marriage visa as a permanent exit feom
Ukraine.

If he gets a single female refugee, bet you £50 they’re married within two years.

There's a huge screaming great red flag of an issue here Jim.

The fact that this man is deliberately using an unofficial channel through which to import his specifically chosen 23 year old.

Would you want YOUR 23 year old daughter randomly selected on facebook & installed in the selector's home?

That type of culture sounds outrageous Whitefly. If you were living in one, wouldn't you want to leave it?

Of course there is no British slave trade, British social corruption, violent drunk home-wrecking young British women, British users, or British false allegation-makers.

We're just Not That Sort Of Country, thank you very much.

Signed
Hyacinth Fucket.

Oh that makes it OK for all the refugees that don't get a nice host they want to marry, right?

If those refugees get trafficked, or domestically abused, or even just have an unpleasant stay in an unfamiliar country while theirs is being bombed, they shouldn't worry, because 30 years ago one refugee married some UK woman's mate.

I’d love to hear from this much younger woman as to how happy she actually is in this marriage too. Could be that she’s delighted, could be that he’s an abusive wanker. It’s not like marriage = no abuse.

There's something missing here, can't for the life of me think why I'm still headscratching over it ...

Oh hold on.

PP withholds her mate's age, doesn't tell us how he & the teenage woman were 'introduced', wonder about the power imbalance, or even inform us if Ms Bosnia was happy in her marriage.

Still, as an alarming number of PP here are maintaining, at 19 she was a grown woman.
Nobody held a gun to her head.

Oh! - hold on ...

Good point re cosleeping @saraclara - that might be the best setup for everyone right now (as someone who does it myself) but at some point DC might want to sleep in their own bed. Which they can't do if they no longer have a room.

Got any links to these stories?

Sofiia Karkadym is the violent drunk homewrecker.

I wouldn't want my children around that behaviour.

Ahh well that’s definitely representative of all Ukrainian women then 🙄 and the married man who dumped his wife for her, 10 days after meeting her, must be representative of all British men then too, right?

Old Man? He is 41

For Fuck Sake. Typical Ageism on here though.

No issues with him hosting a female, but I wouldn't like my DC to have to give up their room for it.

This.i know a divorced man a similar age who took in a 19 year old Bosnian refugee in the 90s and they have been married 20 years.

//

Are you trying to assure people their intentions are altruistic?!

Checked the story out.

What a mess all around.
Hubby left wife and two kids after TEN days of knowing her, that ’relationship’ ended after four months and now his back with the ex & kids after judge removed restraining order.

I’m guessing the only oroblem wasn’t just woman from ukraine…

😂😂😂😡

She is 23.

Fucksake. Typical blindness to predatory male traits around here.

Sofiia Karkadym said that's PTSD, knives, drunk, screaming etc, children don't need to be kicked out of their bedroom for that chaos.

Oh wind your bloody neck in
Where did I condone the age difference ay ? Oh yea, Nowhere.

My comment was about the AGEISM that is so prevelant on this damn Board!

PS I know all about predatory Males tyvm and , once again, where did I condone it?!

Why doesn't he go to his nearest big city and offer shelter to a homeless man there?

Oh wait...

Well, just in case anyone ends up in a similar situation (!) I tried to find someone to chat to at the council about this but was told that the only option is to make a formal safeguarding referral via their website, which I don't think would be appropriate at this point.

I also checked out some of the public Facebook groups and it's so sad how people effectively have to sell themselves on there. I think most probably he has had his heartstrings pulled without thinking about consequence and now dug himself into a corner but it's obviously going to have a big impact on us all now.

Ukraine used to have a reputation for romance scams. There was this amazing story on the BBC of a fake wedding where all the guests were paid to be in on the scam:

www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-57358241.amp

So maybe he will end up being the dupe. At the very least you’d think any young woman with her wits about her would be able to
find a more attractive / age appropriate partner once she is safely in the UK.

@JimDixon , you are not suggesting that a pretty young woman may have manipulated a middle aged single man into providing a route into the UK are you? The thought did cross my mind earlier, but I would never have dared say it.